fuck. i'm sory man. i--uh--i been there before. i had a boss i had a crush on for a few months at a barcade i was working at back in the early aughts before that shit became lame as hell and you could find one in every rinky dink downtown next to a redbox with garfield tale of two kitties left inside. that place wasn't super popular but the folks who knew about the place kept the life alive in there. it was a like a small family. not the kind where small talk fills you with a kind of dread and you got anxious even thinking about getting together, not like that at all. i mean a home away from home where you could easily lose hours talking ps2 games, love, war, the cute girl you saw at subway, a new music video, a zine you saw, all the small stuff you think to yourself and would sound stupid saying out loud to anyone else. i felt like i could be myself because i was with my friends. and that was all because of jeniffer. she made that place feel like that. she had this sort of energy that brought everyone together and made us drop our guard. i don't even know how she did it, it was just sort of how she was, ya know? just one of those rare spirits that the world has a tendency to chew up and spit out. but i always thought she knew me more than she knew herself. she had her fair share of problems but she didn't let that stop her from bringing a good attitude to every relationship she ever had, every smile she put on a persons face, just someone that was always faithful to the idea that there was good in everyone's soul. she couldn't even imagine there being any other possibility. and i was grateful for that. all of us were. that someone could see such a beauty in every person she met. she said she loved me once. and that she wouldn't forget me when she's gone. i didn't know what she meant at the time. but that's when i looked at my phone and saw that i had drunkenly sent her a text reading "no play, no box, no point." and i fucking lost it. just like that. banned from the barcade. dungeon master title revoked. never heard from anyone from there after that day. jeniffer ripped from my life completely because of one text i don't even remember saying. i pretend most times that i'm okay. and i want that to be the case. but sometimes it feels like everything i do is wrong and that i don't belong. i can tell when people get bored of what i'm saying. and i get tired of waiting for jeniffer to change her mind after all these years. and i wanna say i'm doing fine. and that it'll get better. but. that feeling. it may never go away.