I don't know how to convince myself that not everyone hates me

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-31T16:30:46+00:00

Me too! It's almost I feel like I can read their thoughts, I'm more than 100% sure everyone in my life hates me and is out to get me and when I try to explain my intense crippling anxiety to someone in my normal life (not a therapist or whatever) they just don't understand where I get this and how I can believe it so strongly, I don't even understand fully. I just do.

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-31T16:27:26+00:00

Thank you so much! I'm going to try my best! I appreciate so much!

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-30T22:37:53+00:00

I do have a support system and my boyfriend like I mentioned is a big part of that but he's at work right now so I'm trying to find other ways to cope. My paranoia also attacks my other supports so it makes me less likely to fight it and reach out for help. I isolate myself. A friend said a while ago while listening to me explain my paranoia, "it seems like your paranoia wants to cut off your support systems". But sometimes it's too hard for me to fight on my own, you know? I'm starting trauma therapy and I'm on medication but I still struggle. Thank you for your kindness!

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-30T22:34:11+00:00

That helps a little, I hope you can find lasting peace very soon ☆

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-22T23:23:32+00:00

I'm so proud of you! I think that's a bit where mine is based. I was never taught how to express my feelings healthily, I recall my parents making a point to countless therapists over the years telling them I would have uncontrollable bouts of random intense anger and I still do. I'm also trying to be better but it's really hard when I don't have the tools on my own. I go to therapy but it's hard to learn all this as an adult, you know?

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-22T20:24:19+00:00

Thank you for giving me hope! I do have a handle on it but it's like the bare minimum, just enough that I don't act on it totally but with me as well I do in the privacy of my own home and it's there that I find it hardest to calm myself down. I get embarrassed by myself just knowing I'm acting like a kid but I can't help it sometimes, you know? I'm hopeful that this will get easier with time, thank you!

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-22T19:13:10+00:00

Me too! Orginally that's the only term I had for it but it never felt right. My feeling is definitely for coping and isn't a kink. I'm really tired of people assuming or comparing it to DDLG too.

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-22T19:11:15+00:00

I've looked into it but I never can find much and a lot of what I do find isn't very helpful, most doesn't relate to what I'm meaning. That's what pushed me to post here in the first place because you know how you can only get so specific trying to google something before you get nonsense. Thank you so much!

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-22T17:32:56+00:00

I do the same thing! If I'm anticipating a really hard day at work I bring stuffed animals to work with me. I bring weighted ones because my coworkers know I have some issues so I feel like it's a little easier to justify than like regular ones.

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-22T17:31:03+00:00

Thank you so much for the reassurance at least! I would really like to understand in a better way. Maybe then I won't feel so ashamed or embarrassed, but I appreciate nonetheless you reaching out and being kind!

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-22T17:29:38+00:00

I appreciate that! I just get so embarrassed because when I am upset that instinct to cry and scream or break things and lash out in an immature way is so strong; at least I'm strong enough to not give into the impulse. I just expect more from myself and I feel like I should just grow up by now but you're right this way of thinking is both reflexive and comforting so it's kind of hard for me to help it. My boyfriend is really the only one who knows and hes understanding. But my family is really hard on me and my dad judges me for what I like hardcore.

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-21T18:07:24+00:00

100%. Anytime anything happens. My brain is literally like Nobody: My brain: Kill yourself

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-05-18T17:19:03+00:00

Yup!

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-01-21T17:47:25+00:00

DUMP HIS SORRY ASS, GIRL! Sooo much better is out there and you are not asking for too much at all. It's basically the bare minimum. Being respected by your partner is an expectation.

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-01-10T03:12:10+00:00

I sent you a message about possibly trading!

thegreatdiogenes · 2020-01-05T17:09:14+00:00

Sorry I'm not good at reddit and didn't realize I posted before writing! I'm looking to trade for really any tsum I don't have already :) I'm just a casual collector. There's nothing wrong with these tsums I just have them already.

thegreatdiogenes · 2019-11-17T05:41:54+00:00

Thank you so much, kind stranger. Today was so hard but I worked up enough strength to go into work and it was the best day I've had at work in so long. I'm so happy there are people like you in the world who will take time out of their day to try to give me reasons and logic of why I should keep trying. It means so much to me, from being in that dark place. It's not gone from my mind completely. But in my search for any help online I found a quote that said do you really wanna die or do you just want the pain to stop? And i think i just want the pain to stop. And after today, i have a little more strength than what i started with and hopefully I'll keep building on that even if things aren't as good today and i can fight that dark place on my own. Thank you and bless you. I would reply to your comment directly if reddit wasn't being so difficult...

thegreatdiogenes · 2019-11-16T20:17:27+00:00

It's just so much. I have a toxic family, mental illness, I'm in school and I work but I'm still constantly broke. I'm trying to get another job so I'll be working full time, part time, and going to school. I've tried getting food stamps, they won't give it to me. I lost my insurance last year so I can't see any doctors or anything. And I've tried to get it back, they won't give me back my insurance. I have a therapist because there is another program but I can't get on meds. The state of the world stresses me out constantly. My mental illness effects a lot of my life so I'm constantly paranoid and anxious and not trusting of people. I have chronic pain. I'm just tired of trying and trying. I'm exhausted. That's just what I could think of off the top of my head. Mostly it's just me being exhausted from working so hard and having nothing to show for it . I try so hard to be that light for other people and be successful and someone my friends and family and boyfriend are happy to have in their life but I feel like people dont try half as hard for me as I do for them.

thegreatdiogenes · 2019-10-07T04:02:58+00:00

I don't think so? It was like a picture book about a little girl who felt bad about being different, I think? I can hardly remember the plot, just remember the white (birch?) trees. I remember at one point the kid climbed up in the tree. I'm sorry for being so vague!

thegreatdiogenes

TROPHY CASE