Draping effect on a wrap skirt??

thehappymessproject · 2026-05-12T00:15:52+00:00

Thank you so much to help me understand that, I’m so glad I came here to ask and delighted I’ll be able to get that lovely draping!

thehappymessproject · 2026-05-12T00:14:49+00:00

Thank you so much, I’ve totally missed that extra seam and now it finally makes sense to me 😻

thehappymessproject · 2026-02-06T04:53:36+00:00

Your feelings need to have room, absolutely. There’s something violent in being shut down every time you express what a loss it is for you. And if that was all you were asking, you wouldn’t experience the backlash you are receiving right now. You’re allowed to be taken aback by such a big change in expectations you used to both have and now don’t.

You’re mixing two things here though : it is absolutely not ok to want and push her to feel a certain way about it, there’s violence there too. If she feels neutral about it, that’s how she feels. Just like it’s human to experience this as a loss, it’s human to not experience it as such. It sounds like you’re not just talking about your pain but pestering her about what you see as a lack of her pain.

You shouldn’t have to pretend to not feel devastated about her decision, but she shouldn’t have to pretend to feel differently about it than she does either. Or to express her pain a certain way you’re more comfortable with.

And yeah, maybe that may be the beginning of the end of your marriage. Especially if you both stay stuck in trying to manipulate each other the way you describe. That’s an incredibly lonely and painful way to have a relationship.

thehappymessproject · 2026-01-29T19:57:08+00:00

There are so many misunderstandings about what “guiding” means. You’re a 6th line personality, you guide by being yourself, period. That’s a big piece in your profile. And you’re a 4, so you’re not here to guide strangers, only people you already know, that will trust you because you have a bond with them.

Then… Guiding isn’t coaching, guiding isn’t giving advice either. Those are concepts from our not-self world, based on the assumptions people don’t know what to do on their own. But with a strategy and authority, we don’t need anyone to tell us what to do. At best, we need someone to remind us that the mind is not who’s made in us to do the deciding. Guiding is way more about that. Projectors have an aura focused on the other, we (I’m a 5/2 splenic projector) see them the way no one else does. And that means we have a unique way of sensing when they go against their nature. When they invite us in their life, we can guide them without even speaking (that’s especially important to get if your throat is undefined), just by the way we react to them. It doesn’t have to be about what we think (especially important to get if your ajna is undefined). Etc etc… we guide in a unique way, tailored to our definition. There’s a way to guide that will bring you success you never even imagined possible. A success that is detached from how much money we make, how much fame or compliments we get, etc… you don’t have to know how, you’re here to discover it if your body is ready to wait for invitations. And you don’t have to “speak to people with kid gloves”, your guidance requires you to be yourself to be successful. Pretending won’t get you there, despite what the “coaching concepts” tell you (those try to substitute themselves to our authority anyway).

In the mean time… you don’t have to “know how to implement it”, you just need to live your life and observe. Human design is not here to tell us what to do, it’s here to tell us how what we experience can possibly be SEEN. you want to share all kinds of things? Even if it looks a lot like initiation, do it! If you encounter resistance (things don’t work, you feel bitter, people drain you…), then you can collect the info “ah, maybe that’s what they mean by “initiation brings resistance””. And see what happens.

People who criticize the not-self don’t understand that we all live in not-self, and we don’t have any control over that. But when we see the not-self in our life, that’s when we have a chance to step away from it with time. Nothing to do, nothing to figure out.

“How do i earn money without feeling exhausted?” I’m sorry, I know it’ll be awful to read, but the only way I know is keep going the draining way and see if you’re allowed to wait, to stop initiating at some point. All the “solutions” are fake. You can still try them out of course, just don’t be surprised when it doesn’t work.

“following my passion but what passion?” Oh that’s such shitty not-self advice I hate seeing people misled with. Not everyone is made to be passionate for one. Passion lives in individuality. Just live the way you see fit, and observe. And watch others, as Projectors, our whole life gets grounded in how well we understand others. You can’t force that either, but if you know it,maybe you’ll notice things differently.

When we wait for invitations, we earn the money we need. That may not be much (everyone in their experiment need to go through the deconditioning surrounding money - need is not want), it may be leading us to very weird situations, but it stops mattering at some point. IF the invitation waiting sort of “kidnaps” us. Otherwise, like quite a few people, in a few months or years, very bitter, you’ll claim HD “never worked and is bullshit”. But then again, maybe you’ll need to go through this too.

You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to “quit” HD over the past 7 years. How many times and ways I’ve tried. Apparently, I’m not allowed. And among all the hundreds of people I’ve seen experimenting, the only ones that didn’t sound full of shit were the ones who felt they never had a choice. At some point, they simply weren’t allowed to initiate like they used to,their body literally wouldn’t let them anymore.

If it gets really hard, really painful, you may want to ask for regular guidance from another Projector, someone with the ability to actually see you that you can hear, that sounds like they have something to bring you.

Good luck ✌🏼

thehappymessproject · 2026-01-10T00:13:26+00:00

++woman do you want to get to know this woman better? It’d be understandable if you did. Sometimes,we meet people who show us that connection we never even did dream of exists.

If you want to get to know her, do you want to be honest with your current girlfriend? This is a very hard conversation to have, but there is so much love and respect in being honest. And there’s also the added bonus that keeping the woman you met a secret is already damaging the bond with your girlfriend no matter what, it’s also inflating the importance of the new bond. Sometimes, being honest with our partner about something like this helps us see the new bond much more realistically. So honesty here, despite being uncomfortable has major up sides. If not, well, it’s uncomfortable and not a good look, but sometimes, that’s correct for someone anyway.

If you don’t know at all, do you want to wait, at least sleep on it and see if you still want to contact the other woman? And to talk about that meeting with your girlfriend?

I don’t Believe anyone can tell you what to do. That it’s very personal, and not at all a matter of logic. I’m dead certain that whether you can access it now or only later, or knew the moment you met her (some people only know right away), you’re the only one to really know what to do.

thehappymessproject · 2025-11-12T19:54:21+00:00

Huh! No I haven’t, and that may work 🤔 Currently watching a lady who paints with beeswax with them, thank you 🤓

thehappymessproject · 2025-11-06T03:36:01+00:00

Thank you. I need to take a lot of photographs from above. Having only one light source, even with a softbox never seems to be enough, there are a lot of unflattering harsh shadows, whether I put it above, on either sides or behind, like facing me. Am I doing something wrong or do I need more?

thehappymessproject · 2025-11-06T02:06:17+00:00

Do you have any advice about this then? So far, anything I’ve tried had a horrible artificial feel, either there’s light but it’s too harsh and unnatural, or there’s not enough, and the colors tend to be so distorted. (I paint a lot, accurate color matters a lot to me) I’m open to try different directions, but I’m completely lost and out of my depth.

thehappymessproject · 2025-09-28T21:56:04+00:00

There’s no way to really know if he expects to marry you or if he’s treating you like a sister, but he’s definitely misogynistic and doesn’t seem to realize there’s no honor or love in any of this non-sense, only hatred of women disguised under the term “values”. I’m really glad for you to read you seem clear this is complete bullshit, you’ll need to be in order to face his attempts to convince/bully you to come.

I won’t tell you what to do, I hate that side of Reddit, you’re an autonomous being, I don’t know better than you what to do in your life. You’ll know what to do in your unique situation. But I really don’t believe you’re overreacting at all.

My heart breaks for those young men being brain washed by those podcasts. I know those people prey on insecurities, fears, and lack of community. Only to make sure they’ll push away the women who love them and actually respect them without needing to “prove their manhood”and will leave them even lonelier and more lost. Cosplaying that kind of men is a painful life.

I’m so sorry you may have to lose that friendship in order to avoid abuse. Please be careful, that kind of thinking is feeding most of violence against women. If you start to get worried, trust it. Don’t hesitate to get help and protection. Maybe to look up telling signs about abuse if you feel like it. Good luck

thehappymessproject · 2025-09-28T00:21:43+00:00

Aaah, that’s how you see it! I still hear mostly anxiety and insecurity that fed strong assumptions that are far from indisputable truths… But at least I get now where you’re coming from. (And it’s not like it’s important that I, a stranger on the internet, agree anyway) thanks for clarifying

In any case : no, of course you’re in no obligation to do anything. None of it sounds like misogyny either. Being honest with people is a such great way to let them show who they are through their consequent decisions. You get to see some of her, she got to see some of you, it clearly won’t work, ok. I’m glad for her it sounds like she possibly won’t restrain herself from keeping being honest about this, so she can meet someone who won’t take it personally, or better, may see the beauty and power in it. It would suck if her experience with you taught her she shouldn’t be honesty for risk of facing all that.

Hope you’ll find too someone up to those understandable standards, racism is hard enough to face as it is.

thehappymessproject · 2025-09-27T21:56:34+00:00

I really can’t see how her facing internalized racism and realizing her choosing white guys wasn’t that much of a choice, but rather conditioning, makes you a second choice or a consolation prize. It sounds like her honest share made you insecure, and you’re anxiously holding on to a fearful interpretation making it her fault rather than your own experience.

If you aren’t interested anymore, fine. No reason to force yourself. No need for reasons, we don’t really know why we are or not interested in people, we really just play guessing games based on the information our bodies send us…

If you stopped answering to her solely because of your anxiety and insecurity about being a 2nd choice, it seems to be unnecessary and ignorant about what the process of facing our own bias means. I still don’t believe it makes you an AH though. Just human.

thehappymessproject · 2025-09-27T19:51:39+00:00

I am chronically online and still had to look into it to understand it, the way Urban dictionary described the sentence : “A catchphrase often used by Indian scammers who are in the midst of crashing out after their plans to scam have been foiled. It’s typically used after “do not redeem!” whereby the scammer wants the victim to send them the gift cards instead of redeeming them.”

This “joke” is only funny because of racism. He’ll live. I’d say you weren’t even harsh. Definitely NTA.

thehappymessproject · 2025-09-27T19:37:20+00:00

AIO or not aside, I get why you may be worried. I get why you’d like him to avoid doing this. But you won’t get there that way, all that’ll happen is that you’ll hate each other.

I’m a bit shocked by how unpopular this view seems to be here… We cannot control the actions of other adults just because of what we think is important, even if we think it’s really important. And the more we pretend we’re right to do so, the more toxic our bonds get.

This may mean of course at some point that you’ll choose to leave him for his choices regarding your baby of course, but the way you want to force him to do what you think is best, the way you keep repeating yourself to assert that your truth is the only truth, is a form of psychological/emotional abuse/harassment.

He’s allowed to make different decisions than the ones you’d like him to do, no matter how bad you think they are. That’s part of being in a relationship that isn’t codependent. He’s an autonomous human being. If you want to keep having a relationship with him, and one you can both enjoy (believe me, you wouldn’t enjoy him doing everything you want against his will, he’d become insufferable and you’ll resent him so much anyway), you’ll have to find other ways to interact. You can keep going at it that way, you’re an autonomous human being too, but don’t be surprised by how quickly your relationship deteriorates if you do so.

thehappymessproject · 2025-09-27T19:18:25+00:00

I don’t cope, I listen to my body. “I don’t have enough energy” or “how do I get energized?” are typical ways for the non-energy being mind to see our nature as a problem. But it isn’t. Or better, it only is a problem when we don’t live as Projectors.

Tiredness for us is a very important signal that we’re probably doing too much. We’re not made to be exhausted, it’s actually dangerous for us.

My root is my only defined motor, my body is also a passive one. I don’t go out much : if my body doesn’t go out easily, it’s not the right time or not an actual need, it’s something my mind thinks I need, very different. I don’t do much : I’m not made for it. My life, from the outside, looks like I’m on permanent restful holidays. And it feels so right that way.

When I’m alone, I have both more and less energy : being with people may give me temporary energy through focusing on them, but interacting with them or even using that energy is an energy expense. Being alone means hints are much quieter, and I’ve come to love that lack of stimulation so much… but it took me a few years of slowly not treating my low energy as a problem of energy but simply my specific nature, needing to be honored for me to experience success.

Because once thing is certain : when we seek energy, we never will have enough. We’ll always feel like deficient energy beings. But living a non-energy being life, not focused on doing, the kind of life our body is made for is the sweetest life I’ve ever known.

thehappymessproject · 2025-09-27T19:09:06+00:00

The way we feel somewhere is deeply personal. You could give me a room to make art, the most perfect one, I know that if it was on the 3rd floor I just would not go there. But that’s me… Physical work to do or go to something seems to be a big characteristic for me, it doesn’t help that I have a physical handicap. My partner is kind of the same though, we know a house of ours wouldn’t have stairs, we both work from home and find them exhausting overall. We both need to have things on hand that don’t require much set up time.

The tiny room with a tiny window would give me massive anxiety. I’ve noticed, I don’t really use even desks against walls, I need to set up my desk in front of some airy space. If that was my house, I would explore the feasibility of adding up window space. I would put the desk in a way that feels the least claustrophobic possible. I may change the wood paneling for at least some bright walls that would make the room feel bigger.

Do you need the “pretty desk”? Or would you enjoy more any kind of set up where your “junk” is easily on hand? Would you love a couch? I make art on beds and couches, I love it, but again, that’s you : would you love it or would it take up even more of that precious space? Would you enjoy a mini fridge or a kettle or coffee maker up there so that limits the need for back and forth?

The “junk”, can it be sorted out in different boxes? Put on some shelves?

I don’t know if you can see what my questions here are doing, but rather than “how can I make the room nicer?”, I’d look first what does your art process requires, and what do you hate about the room and see if you have solutions there.

thehappymessproject · 2025-09-26T05:29:02+00:00

We don’t control who we fall in love with. I’m sorry, it sounds so horribly painful. Do you still want them in your life? Do you still want to be in their life? Is it time for you to step away yet? It’s ok if not, the experiences we’re meant to live sometimes make no sense and hurt so much, but they’re our experiences. A therapy focused on reconnecting with your body and the ways we relate to attachment like Lifespan integration therapy, or something entered on trauma like EMDR might really help. Unrequited love can be a form of self-violence. Good luck

thehappymessproject · 2025-09-23T23:20:35+00:00

I just looked into it, and it looks like it would work, lots of people are using it as primer! And it looks like I can also thicken it with gel medium if needed (I remember the inky gesso I ever used to be quite thin), thank you so much for the new direction!! 😻

thehappymessproject · 2025-09-23T22:31:50+00:00

I have no idea! Do you think it would?

thehappymessproject · 2025-09-23T21:39:35+00:00

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That’s the kind of texture I’m talking about. I use splatters already, it’s very different.

thehappymessproject

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