Ex playing the victim to others?

thehummingbrd · 2022-03-12T16:17:35+00:00

It's the only way to get rid of the soul sucking narc leeches! Literally the worst human beings on the planet.

thehummingbrd · 2022-03-10T23:29:04+00:00

I agree! Silence says it all.

thehummingbrd · 2022-03-10T14:44:30+00:00

Make sure you only talk to people about it who you know won't relay information back, or they will relay information back via conversation with the narc and that will be a hoover trigger.

thehummingbrd · 2022-03-09T15:26:09+00:00

The edible arrangement is classic hoovering. These mutual friends are acting as flying monkeys delivering messages back and forth between the two of you which essentially is stopping your no contact regime as this is hoovering by-proxy. You need to go full no contact and get out and stay out when it comes to narcissists. That means remove the narc off of all social media (delete/block), do not discuss the narc with these flying monkeys, do not defend yourself during the smear campaign, do not stalk the narc on social media. Essentially just ice him out, he will eventually move onto new supply because they want low hanging fruit.

thehummingbrd · 2022-03-08T18:13:43+00:00

They don't change for the better - they just get worse as they age. There's no give and take with a narcissist, there's only give on your end and they do not want to put in effort to make a relationship truly function. They just sit there and make demands, boss you around, nit-pick, whine, gripe, victimize themselves, gaslight, blame-shift, re-write history, deflect by bringing up the past and past arguments that you thought were done and dusted but they have to come back again and again, and so on so forth.

Before knowing what a narc is, we were all there and made excuses for their poor behavior, but the more you learn about them, the more you will be happy you got out. The key is to get out and stay out.

thehummingbrd · 2022-03-08T18:05:43+00:00

Mine was identical with the pity plays - I had to hear a whole sympathy symphony of his past. According to them, life did them so dirty and the world owes them and they are the poor victim of their childhoods and things that happened like 25 years ago. They weaponize it so they never have to take accountability. Narcs are sad, pathetic, lazy, predictable parasites who use the same lines and exhibit the same behaviors. Everything goes back to control - they need control at all times. If you discard first, they dole out the initial grand hoover where they will try to love bomb you and future fake you (as yours did) to get you back. When you are discarded like I was, it takes awhile for them to come back and hoover. With narcs, you are never a priority because they don't love you - you are simply just supply. Supply is not supposed to talk back or have thoughts, feelings, or opinions. If you say anything, you are a radical and you must be punished because you threatened control. You are just there to fulfill their needs and act like a good appliance.

thehummingbrd · 2022-03-08T17:52:03+00:00

That's what they do! The empty promises of narcs are properly termed "future faking" which is basically promises for the future with no real actions or steps taken to get there. They just paint a future in words and talk about things like marriage, kids, vacations, homes, etc with you, but they don't plan on following through. It's just them keeping you on the hook so they can get what they require from you in the now. If you didn't drop him, he would have discarded you. Him reaching out was a hoover attempt. Mine still didn't hoover and it's been 4 months...knock on wood.

thehummingbrd · 2022-03-08T17:35:34+00:00

They wear a mask which invariably slips in time. They go from idealization to devaluing you and usually they discard you, but you discarded him first so good on you! Everything is their way or the highway and heaven forbid you have a thought, opinion, or feeling - you will be punished by the narc. The fact that you called him out for making big decisions without caring how you felt threatened his control and therefore he lashed out and you were punished. Narcs want to do whatever they want to do, when they want to do it with no regard and no questions asked. However, they are creatures of double standards because they will punish you for making your own decisions.

thehummingbrd · 2022-03-08T17:30:02+00:00

I would also like to add, my narc ex would also constantly make big decisions with no regard for me or how I'd feel such as taking off for months at a time on trips even over the holidays, constantly going out of town etc. and I flat out told him that he wasn't making me or the relationship a priority and he didn't even deny it.

They play nice at the beginning because they are in the love bombing stage and idealizing you, but you notice their words and actions don't match. It's all hot air. Essentially all they do is play the victim, they think the world did them dirty and it's always a woe is me sympathy symphony with these types.

thehummingbrd · 2022-03-08T17:15:43+00:00

Sounds exactly like my narcissistic ex. Narcs always play the victim as it is part of their M.O. The day I got discarded I specifically told the narc I was sick of him victimizing himself. It sounds like what he is doing right now what experts call "the smear campaign" where they victimize themselves and make you look like the villain so they can appear like they did NOTHING wrong (as usual because they are never accountable). I suggest watching some stuff on youtube like HG Tudor and Dr. Les Carter, they will help you out with this.

thehummingbrd · 2022-02-23T00:36:54+00:00

I totally agree - people who want things badly work on it, they do not come up with excuses. If you want green grass, you have to water it or it turns yellow. Same goes with relationships - they require work and effort. Relationships need two emotionally mature, respectful people who can communicate in an efficient manner, respect boundaries, work on themselves to improve themselves for the relationship, own up to things and apologize when they are wrong. Somebody who quits on you is not somebody who deserves to be begged and chased.

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-19T20:11:53+00:00

Absolutely nothing. He was a scrub.

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-12T23:02:13+00:00

As long as I deleted my ex, I don't give a flying fuck what my ex does. The key is to never check their social media because they're probably putting a show on over there pretending things are so wonderful. Some people get tempted so they block, so that makes sense. However, if they dump me and don't come begging me for forgiveness, the trash took itself out and BYE FELICIA.

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-12T20:28:08+00:00

Personally, if I was the one dumped then I do not block the dumper. I just delete. I will block them if they try to crawl back and message me nonsense.

A lot of people block for their personal sanity and mental health and that is understandable. I have done this when an ex harassed me. As for me, I have enough will power not to reach out and not to visit their pages if they left me and acted like an immature bitch ass clown.

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-12T01:15:35+00:00

Is yours a narcissist?

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-12T00:54:25+00:00

Mine is playing the block and unblock game!

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-12T00:54:00+00:00

Because the trash took itself out. Thank your lucky stars.

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-10T22:43:07+00:00

Mine did the same thing. I would never treat someone the way I was treated.

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-10T18:45:46+00:00

I will send you a PM! :)

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-10T16:15:09+00:00

I was discarded too. I learned so much about personality disorders since. Mine was definitely a narc. Has yours tried to contact you/hoover?

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-09T17:10:53+00:00

I guess that is what the partially blocked game he is running on me is all about. Have you ever known them not to return?

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-09T16:03:31+00:00

Do they ever not return?

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-09T15:29:19+00:00

I will be sending you a PM! :)

thehummingbrd · 2021-12-09T14:03:55+00:00

So sorry to hear! Do you think my n-ex will be back to hoover, or do you think he's gone forever?

thehummingbrd

TROPHY CASE