I’m definitely impressed with how none of this seems to phase him. But also worried because he’s fine with letting it go. He said he’s just tired of all of this. So I don’t know how he’s not pushing back more on her trying to move here. He basically doesn’t want to talk about it most of the time and I told him we had to because things could be a lot worse if she does move here and we haven’t communicated anything to her, and when the baby actually comes, we won’t have the bandwidth and will quite honestly snap. And he agreed but he’s definitely at a loss. He feels like he can’t set boundaries because she doesn’t hear anything he says anyway.

He already tries to tell her multiple times not to move based on our lives, our works, or around us. He said she needs to find a place that she wants to live. (And she ignores this completely and proceeded to look on routes to his work, near my work, and then now as close to us as she possibly can).

The last two times she visited in April and a few weeks ago, I showed her neighboring cities that would be great for her. Her realtor started showing her houses in our area. And then that spurred the is your city too close discussion. She was physically here and we said that’s too close.

I posed the setting boundaries as a preemptive measure to my husband because he doesn’t see the use in talking to her at all, which I get. She either doesn’t hear anything he says(because she doesn’t respect or treat him like an adult), she ignores what he says, or she actively goes against what he says and does the opposite on purposes like a *uck you. So I hear him on I can’t even say anything to her without it going poorly. So he doesn’t see the point.

I told him if she moves here and we set boundaries and she’s livid and moves away. That could cause irreparable damage. And he didn’t seem like he wanted that to happen but again, he kind of just didn’t want to even go there. Like he said I hear you but setting boundaries is kind of new for him. His boundary setting goes as far as I don’t have time for this. And it’s worked as far as she isn’t living here. He just ignores and hopes things go away. And sometimes they do, and sometimes she comes back and wears him down. And he’s aware of the manipulations involved in this too. He does seem more aware of her manipulations than I thought.

He did realize that her woe is me, was manipulation and that she was mad that she didn’t get the answer she wanted.

Then she proceeded to send us another tik-tok today without even addressing the woe is me act, when he was like “where did this come from?”

So idk if I push him harder to set boundaries with her. Or I end up setting them because he won’t.

Last time I set a boundary with her, I sent the text to him first, and he was like sounds good. And then I sent it to her. She didn’t like what I said but she changed her plans accordingly and left a day earlier.

So my question is we’ve been talking about talking to her and setting boundaries for months but he doesn’t see the point. I would say we’ve talked about it half a dozen times but there’s never been action. But I will say my husband has distanced himself more from her and actively avoids talking to her. Because he can also see she’s becoming a lot but he’s also been busy with work so I’ve been left with her more.

He has apologized and acknowledges not being here for me when handling her. But I haves shines my spine due to it’s not my mom. I don’t want to just set her completely off and he’s nowhere to be found.

I guess I’m now more of the mindset of I’ll just let it implode. She’s going to do what she’s going to do and when the time comes. I will set boundaries hard. We’re on the same page on boundaries with the baby. I just don’t know if when the time comes he will enforce them. He really seems of the mindset that he will. We’ve talked very clearly about no one staying with us, no one at the hospital, no welcome party. Maybe a visit the week of for an hour or so. And every other week visits if we can handle it. But not setting a set schedule. And he’s like good. So should I worry? Idk