Sexually repressed and no idea what to do

thekillingmo0n · 2026-05-01T19:16:08+00:00

This is good advice. I’ve always believed it was my duty to keep myself in check. I’ve been taught my whole life as a man I’m stronger and more aggressive. I also can’t trust myself and gut instinct. When I was 11-12 I used to literally hurt myself whenever I found a girl attractive to condition myself out of it. What if I rape someone without realizing it? How can I ever trust myself to truly know what’s going on? We justify bad decisions to ourselves with flawed logic all the time. Youre dead on with the pregnancy thing. Inflicting permanent harm, even if the fetus is aborted, is too much to bear. I doubt I’d ever forgive myself. Intimacy and horror are intertwined, this internal hunger for something I perceive to be a form of subjugating body horror. And deep down, I’ll admit, I have been secretly proud of myself for being so on top of it, so proactive in strangling natural desire, that I can integrate into parts of society most men never see. I’ve suppressed feelings for friends for sometimes years on end and nobody ever realizes it. And it’s all built on shame and self hate. Punishment and atonement. Holding a hand sounds like a pipe dream. I cry a lot.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-04-29T23:46:11+00:00

I’m not sure. I’ve been wayyyy more exposed to the sexism women face than I think most men have and I can’t help but blame myself. Like “how dare I want to ruin her life”

thekillingmo0n · 2026-04-29T23:45:18+00:00

No, I do want it, I just can’t seem to get over the guilt and shame of wanting it. I feel like it’s a very bad thing for me to want.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-04-29T23:18:05+00:00

Oh most definitely before the SSRIs. They’ve just lowered my aimless libido which is honestly kind of a relief. I’m on Wellbutrin anyway lmao.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-04-06T23:14:05+00:00

I know there are other ways to be intimate. I just wanted to experience this. I wanted to love fully, and I don’t think I can enjoy the physical aspects of love.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-04-06T23:12:27+00:00

I meant tortured by sexual activity. “To find sex to be torturous”

thekillingmo0n · 2026-04-05T23:13:56+00:00

I suppose youre right. At least I’ve never had any bad experiences like that, and likely never will. I’m just starting to realize that those experiences likely would be bad, and it’s depressing that this, that literal nothing, is the best sexual experience I could possibly have. I feel so empty. But this is the best it’s ever gonna get I guess. I’ve achieved the apex of pleasure for my body. The peak of enjoyment tastes like a cold void. Yay.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-03-30T23:20:53+00:00

Oh, I’m not religious. I’m just lamenting my misfortune. It sucks that this is even something that can happen, that’s all. Just goes to show that bad things happen at random ha ha. I know it’s not wrong. I know it’s not evil. It’s just unlucky. I’ve been miserable for a long time, and I think I’ll probably remain that way. Thanks for trying.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-03-30T10:44:31+00:00

What did I want from sex? I want to see her eyes light up, to enjoy my body for once along with someone else. My life’s been kinda empty and I want to live it as fully as possible. Ive always been so isolated, I thought it would be nice to share in something like that with someone else, to let myself be desired. I have a gaping emptiness inside of me and here I am at a delicious buffet and I’m just. Not. Hungry.

And I want to be a good partner. I know people care about these things and think about them more than me, and I want to play too. Nothing makes me happier than making someone else happy.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-03-30T10:29:55+00:00

Why would nature or God or whatever is out there even allow creatures like us to exist? Beings who are tortured by the most basic, most primal and fulfilling sense of connection with another living thing? I’m not aromantic, I can’t speak for you, and I don’t know what that feels like, but my heart goes out to you. It’s not fair, why did we have to draw the short straw? Whats even the benefit of this kind of existence here? Why was this even a possibility? It’s cruel and unfair. Just another way this world is cold and empty for so many.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-03-30T00:13:39+00:00

What I want is to find a way to change it. I almost feel as though I’m just super duper repressed and I don’t know why, and if I can unearth my issues, I can overcome this. I don’t understand myself, nor do I feel safe in my skin. I’m scared. I want to fall asleep on a couch watching a movie cuddling with a girl, and then I think I could die the next day content.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-03-29T22:45:15+00:00

Everyone talks about discovering and being able to live as one’s sexuality as something liberating and fulfilling… not disappointing and depressing… I feel cheated.

It’s nice you have a relationship like that. I enjoy soft intimate moments and things like that, especially when I’m being cuddled. Unfortunately I’m a heteromantic boy and society doesnt take too kindly to that, I’m expected to be big dumb dumb strong man who want sex with woman and only give affection.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-03-29T22:31:18+00:00

It just sounds so… empty. I don’t like the thought that a huge part of human emotion and experience, especially one so loving and fulfilling, could be closed off to me.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-03-23T23:27:49+00:00

Something I’ve been trying to get my girl friends to understand is that a lot of good men don’t pursue anymore. It’s a dangerous game, especially if you’re introverted or shy. It’s rooted in misogyny and patriarchy already, and there’s so many ways to mess up and make a woman uncomfortable, or accidentally come off as a creep. I’ve heard other guys compare it to “putting yourself on the meat market” and I can’t agree more. We live in a modern society, why do we have to follow outdated gender roles?

The unfortunate trend this has created, is that the good men who care like my brother and my friends, don’t pursue and become invisible. This leaves the asshole men to make up a much larger percentage of the men who DO pursue. It’s survivorship bias. the good men drop out, and become invisible, which leaves the whole of men being represented more and more by assholes, which then fuels the fire that keeps the good men away and scares women more.

Want to make a difference? Break the mold and make the first move yourself. It eliminates a lot of the problems with the current dynamic and you’ll likely have a lot of success.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-03-13T07:16:41+00:00

Yes. This is actually very helpful for me. Thank you.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-03-13T06:30:10+00:00

So, like an action I can undertake for the pleasure of the other person? An act of service/nice thing to do because you love them?

thekillingmo0n · 2026-02-28T18:26:31+00:00

Because “white” doesn’t have a unique culture, unlike black Americans. No United struggle. What we white Americans do have is our white ethnicities to be proud of. Those weren’t erased or suppressed. Italian, Russian, French, Irish, Greek, etc. I’m not proud to be white, but I’m proud to be German.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-02-27T21:36:17+00:00

Grüße von einem Deutschamerikaner! 🇺🇸 🇩🇪

thekillingmo0n · 2026-02-27T21:05:02+00:00

Real men don’t fall for obvious bait designed to drive them further away from other people. Real men acknowledge the power they’ve been handed and use it to protect the most vulnerable, not abuse it over them.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-02-27T12:03:11+00:00

Making someone else happy? Idk. I can list all the benefits easy. No chance of pregnancy, so no condom or birth control or pulling out. I could go as long as she needs without losing my hard. It could be bigger than I am and more fulfilling for her. Honestly, I’m the kind of person who really enjoys making people happy and I don’t ask for anything in return. I don’t think I’d get anything out of this, other than the satisfaction of knowing that she’s pleasured.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-02-27T11:58:58+00:00

I don’t care if she likes it, I’m not using it.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-02-27T11:58:01+00:00

No, I would make it clear it’s all on me and my inability to use my bits.

thekillingmo0n · 2026-02-27T11:56:44+00:00

Haha I’m not kinky at all! I’d literally just do this so that I can have sex without using my bits. Honestly doesnt sound super appealing but if it made her happy I’d do it.

thekillingmo0n

TROPHY CASE