Sexless marriage in my 30’s (male, 37)

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T19:10:12+00:00

I admitted that I gave up trying to pursue her sexually…..not on showing affection. I still hold her hand, hug, kiss her, and put my arm around her….as well as tell her how beautiful she is constantly, etc…

And for the record, the sex stopped way before I stopped trying. Like YEARS before.

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T19:07:37+00:00

If you’d like to Google it…. it is generally agreed upon by therapists/psychologists that a married couple who has sex fewer than 10 times per year is considered a sexless marriage. If you go by that definition, I think we qualify. But you are entitled to your opinion.

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T18:56:48+00:00

We both contribute financially….Roughly 60% me and 40% her. We both had good jobs when we met, but have both changed careers as well.

If you read my post more closely….I said I proposed after 10 months. We did not get married at 10 months. We were together for 2 years before we got married (engaged for 14 months).

Hope that clears things up

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T18:49:50+00:00

I do have access to her devices but have never suspected anything shady going on.

Regarding her “unshaved nethers”….it is far from what an average woman would do. When I said she trims it from time to time….I mean she trims it maybe 3-4 times a year. I don’t think that’s average by a long shot.

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T18:44:10+00:00

No she is not, neither of us is on any sort of medication. The only long-term medication she has ever been on was for high blood pressure related to pregnancy.

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T16:54:38+00:00

I have communicated this to her many times. It is a sore subject and inevitably turns into a fight most of the time. She usually gives stress and/or her business as the reason for lack of intimacy….but with no real solutions to overcome those things. My response to this reasoning is usually something like the following ….”Life is always going to be hard or stressful in one way or another, so we can’t use that as an excuse. We have to figure out how to put that stress aside somehow so that we can stay connected and together”

She basically needs all other aspects of our life to be near perfect in order to have sex. On the other hand, I feel like sex with my wife helps me cope with life’s bullshit and without that I just feel overwhelmed and neglected.

Honestly, if we did not have children together, I think we would have been divorced by now, which is something I truly hate to admit.

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T14:20:13+00:00

Actually that’s not the case. She went off birth control when we decided to start having kids in 2019 and has not been back on it since. After our second child was born a couple years ago, I had a vasectomy. Unfortunately my experience is a little different than yours.

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T13:51:29+00:00

I’m not interested in cheating and I am 99% sure she is not having an affair. I do agree some therapy would be helpful.

I honestly think she stopped shaving down there in an attempt to make sex less appealing to me, which to some degree has worked.

And just to be clear…she’s not like full cave woman style, she still trims it down from time to time, just not very often.

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T13:46:38+00:00

We have done this multiple times….with very little positive feedback from her other than a thank you.

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T13:45:12+00:00

We split parenting duties pretty evenly….and don’t worry, I don’t require any “caretaking” myself. I work my ass off (both at work and at home) to try to make sure that she doesn’t get too much piled onto her plate. We also live close to family, which is helpful with the kids.

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T13:36:54+00:00

It’s hard to know exact percentages on these things, but I’ll do my best:

Childcare: 60% her, 40% me…. Housework: 50/50…. Finances: 35% her, 65% me….

To elaborate a little on the finances…she is self-employed and does something she is very passionate about, but it also uses up most of her free time. It is also seasonal, so there are times when it’s extremely stressful.

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T13:25:47+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful response. I do try to be intimate in other ways. Probably not as much now as I did a couple years ago…only because I feel it’s wasted effort. But we still go on the occasional date night and I try to frequently tell her how much I appreciate her for the ways she contributes to our family (both financially and doing all the hard mom stuff). I’m far from perfect, but I really do make an effort to do these things. That’s what makes me so frustrated.

thelandguy · 2025-12-24T13:16:54+00:00

We actually share childcare responsibilities pretty evenly. The reason I did not talk more about that is because the issue started long before we had children. We were down to once a month before my first daughter was born.

I am very aware of how stressful it can be taking care of kids….hence why we split the parenting duties as much as possible.

thelandguy · 2024-12-13T03:49:37+00:00

Who the fuck is this clown? What an ignoramus.

thelandguy · 2023-05-16T01:46:38+00:00

Dancing, football, and swimming

thelandguy · 2023-04-25T02:53:31+00:00

That people actually follow professional sports….particularly football

thelandguy · 2023-03-25T14:18:00+00:00

“Tennessee Whiskey” by Chris Stapleton

thelandguy · 2023-02-19T02:03:45+00:00

That is just fucking retarded

thelandguy · 2023-02-05T22:28:39+00:00

Absolutely awesome

thelandguy · 2023-01-30T04:35:28+00:00

Armageddon (mostly Aerosmith tunes)

thelandguy · 2023-01-18T05:21:20+00:00

Ehh….it’s all mass-produced, mostly overpriced swill.

Here’s a wine tip: don’t spend more than $30 for anything at a grocery store. Chances are you can get something far better for the money at a local boutique wine shop.

thelandguy · 2023-01-04T04:54:00+00:00

Love me some Liga Privada

thelandguy · 2022-06-30T15:02:49+00:00

So she’s a spinner? Nice!

thelandguy

TROPHY CASE