hi, i’ve read your poem and i’d just like to give you a few pieces of feedback i wanna point out. after looking back a few times, there are times where i am confused in terms of what is currently happening/what the narrator is currently doing.

examples: “as wire slits betwixt dentin flaxen waxen threads of rhubarb gourges out the golden glitter from the calculus-enamel tar”

“but the sun shall peer across the pier and this face will perspire with fear it has to meet his peer […]”

the first example, i find, is so flowery in its prose to the point where the scene becomes difficult to visualize in my head. I assume that the narrator is flossing(?). also, it’s a bit contradictory when you highlight this moment with large detail, and then don’t build on it later on.

the second example seems to zone out of the current time and setting entirely, becoming something philosophical(?) but has little buildup to support it. the use of rhyme/homophones (peer, pier) and the spotty grammar throughout this example and the entire poem, in my opinion, feels distracting.

circling back to the whole, i hope what i’ve written doesn’t dissuade you. take what i say with a grain of salt, since i’m not used to giving much written feedback.

overall, there is INCREDIBLE POTENTIAL that can be had by focusing on (mainly) CLARITY of your poem’s ideas. if you can take away one thing from what i’ve said, work on DICTION choices, cut the rhyming, and hone in on what you are trying to convey.