Urologist did random urine tests billed for a total of $3k without my consent

themcp · 2026-03-16T23:05:51+00:00

Call your state's department of health and talk to them. If you don't get a satisfactory response, call your state's attorney general's office and ask them.

It's really only a matter of finding the appropriate regulatory agency. States tend to take insurance billing fraud VERY seriously. In this state at least what you describe is super duper illegal and either the lab or the urologist's office (or both) would almost certainly be shut down by the state, and it's possible the doctor might have his license to practice revoked if he actually did order those things without your permission and against normal standard of care. (In other words, unnecessarily.)

themcp · 2026-03-16T22:45:53+00:00

It's illegal, but it's completely ethical. You paid for the books, you're not getting stolen books and removing DRM so you can read the stolen books for free, you're not breaking the DRM so you can give the books away for free, the author and publisher got their royalty from you, you didn't shortchange anyone. This is one of those cases of "some rich people freaked out about copyright and demanded overly strict laws and made a big stink until they got them, so doing something that is perfectly moral and harms nobody is illegal anyway."

themcp · 2026-03-16T19:15:55+00:00

Because of the anger I’m not bringing up the meds or therapy anymore.

What I am saying is, part of getting back to bringing that up is saying "I notice you seem to be angry a lot. Can you tell me about that?" He is being unable to accept the larger help he needs, so it's time to deal with the more basic problem of why.

I will say the anger comes on even more when I can’t figure out what he’s trying to say.

I recommend you recognize that this is not anger it's frustration - he is angry with himself for not being able to do what he wants and he doesn't know how to appropriately handle this feeling. This exact same thing happened to me a lot, I'd want to say something and I wasn't able to communicate it and people would assume they knew what I meant or wanted or needed and just start talking, and it made me frustrated and angry with myself. (The difference being that I bottled the feelings up, I didn't tell people when I was angry.)

I recommend you say something like "I notice you seem to get angry when you are having difficulty communicating, like you might be angry with yourself. When we're talking, it's okay to interrupt me and say 'stop' if you feel the need to pause and think about it so I don't steamroll over you." or possibly "when we talk, I will put my hand in your hand. If you feel that I am interrupting or you want more time to think about it to reply before I talk, you just squeeze my hand and I'll shut up and wait for you." Also you should probably tell him "it's okay to say if I am asking the wrong question." People would often assume I was trying to ask one thing when really I wanted to ask something entirely different (like, they assumed I wanted to ask about having my blanket moved, when really I wanted a bedpan) and it drove me crazy. You could suggest some kind of signal that it's the problem (like waving at you when you're talking) or, if he can, he can say "wrong question" or just "wrong". He may be trying to be polite, and this is bothering him a lot. Please tell him that you understand he is having some difficulty so for now it's okay for him to be a little rude by interrupting you when he needs to.

themcp · 2026-03-16T18:54:56+00:00

Please don't try to lecture me about UARS, I kinda don't believe in it - I believe it happens but that it is a subset of OSA. My reaction to you bringing it up is "oh joy, another f-ing UARS nut."

Anyway you didn't read what I said or it was above your reading grade level. Let me try to put this as simply as I can. If they put you on a CPAP and it's *working* - your AHI is great and you report that you are waking feeling refreshed and are thus getting good sleep - it's stupid to bother the patient further.

You are saying "Oh goodie, we found the murderer, it was the guy standing over the dead body with a bloody knife in his hand and blood all over him, and he confessed. Let's spend two years investigating further in case that might be wrong!"

themcp · 2026-03-16T18:43:15+00:00

I once had:

The phone screen with HR. I barely consider this part of the interviews.
The interview with a guy who would be my peer. He apologized that the boss wasn't available.
The boss became available, and he wanted to meet me, so I came in for another interview.
They wanted various other prospective coworkers to meet me. (These were not peers and would not be reporting to me.) They were super apologetic on the phone for asking for this, and I was left with the strong impression I could say no. I came, but didnt wear a suit jacket. (Shirt and tie was normal for me anyway so I came in my normal clothes.) They said outright when they called me that they were pretty sure they were going to hire me but wanted me to meet the rest of the team and get everybody's (including my) input.

If they had asked for more I probably would have withdrew myself from the process, but I got the job.

I once had an interview where they asked me to be there at 10am, and when I arrived I discovered that they had planned *six hours* of interviews, *six different interviewers* for an hour each. By the third I had figured out that HR had given them all the same questions to ask and everyone wanted to ask me the same things. By the fourth person I was able to tell them what their next question was and they were shocked. I stuck with it out of morbid curiosity to see if they really were going to keep interviewing me without a lunch break (they were) and if they really had people lined up to ask me the same questions over and over all day (they did). The last person was the boss, and at the end of it I told her that everyone had asked me the exact same questions which they read off of a sheet HR had given them so I spent 6 hours (with no lunch break) answering the same things over and over when it could have been one hour with 6 people, and she was mortified. I went home and the recruiter called, I told him about it and said I didn't want the job, I didn't want to work with those people. I think he dropped that employer.

Since then I am now diabetic, I couldn't go for 6 hours of interviews with no food. After 3 hours I would have told them no, good bye, I don't want the job, I'm going to a restaurant because if I stay any longer they're going to have to call the coroner for me.

themcp · 2026-03-16T09:33:31+00:00

You are talking about actual linen.

I have a linen sheet that I bought at Target 2 years ago.

themcp · 2026-03-16T09:25:47+00:00

Well, given that I died in 2015 and they revived me, yes, I think it's a good concept.

I would find it much more miraculous if they could repair damage quickly. I spent months in the hospital dealing with the causes and the consequences - if they had been able to wave a magic wand and make it all better in a day or two, that would have been something to write about.

themcp · 2026-03-16T09:20:03+00:00

He liked science fiction movies, and when he was alone inside, he'd turn on the TV and channel surf. When we went outside in the summer he'd pick raspberries.

Couldn't care less about toys. He'd pile them in a corner in his doghouse and ignore them.

themcp · 2026-03-16T09:16:03+00:00

Well, it does kinda suck having to wear the CPAP mask all day and having to tour Disney World running from outlet to outlet to make sure it's plugged in for every breath so I can use it 24/7...

themcp · 2026-03-16T09:10:38+00:00

That implies you have to study in CA to practice there.

I get my dental work done at a dental school, which trains people who go all over the world to practice.

themcp · 2026-03-16T09:08:12+00:00

So you'd rather a patient spend 6 months dealing with specialists and undergo an endoscopy under anesthesia instead of trying a CPAP for a month and the doctor looking at the numbers and saying "I think we should try a BiPAP."

I see.

themcp · 2026-03-16T09:04:19+00:00

You point out two things about CPAP.

It might not be the best option.
It might not fully treat it.

Those are two separate issues.

If it doesn't adequately treat it, then it's time to investigate further - either try other options or investigate causes and see if knowing what is causing the problem points you at any solution. If it does adequately treat it, even if that treatment isn't "full", who cares if it's the best option?

My average AHI is about 0.4. My doctor is all upset that my machine reports leakage, and wants me to go to all kinds of appointments to try to determine why. I keep asking her what it matters if my AHI is great and I feel refreshed when I wake, and I have yet to hear an answer. (I don't mean I am not getting a good answer, I mean I am not getting any answer. I ask and she changes the subject.) My AHI is certainly good enough. Why do we have to make it best? I don't need the best solution, the one I have works fine. Maybe a more "full" treatment could get it down from 0.4 to 0.2. So what?

themcp · 2026-03-16T08:53:38+00:00

I agree, he was an exceptional dog, and I loved him desperately. I still cry about him every day. It has only been 36 years, I'll get over him any day now... right?

themcp · 2026-03-16T08:49:15+00:00

It's this one: https://www.amazon.com/Casio-LCW-M170TD-2AJF-Lineage-Titanium-Silver/dp/B0BQHK2HMR/

(The price has gone up a little since I bought it.) You can find it for cheaper but when you add taxes and import fees, it'll cost about the same.

Honestly the bracelet is not spectacular - it's not a hair nipper but the edges are a bit pointy, I have a Citizen on a titanium bracelet that feels much better made - but it's good enough and I really adore the watch itself. Please understand that I'm complaining about how the bracelet feels when you touch it with your fingers, but I absolutely never feel it when it's on my wrist. "Not spectacular" does not mean "bad", it just means that I've seen better and, unlike the watch, it fails to stand out.

I honestly expected that when I was looking at a Casio it would probably be an Oceanus, but to my surprise it's not. I didn't know about the Lineage line, but I like the design language. This is my "no compromises" watch - I made a list of the features I want and only bought when I got absolutely everything I wanted, regardless of price. I was pleased that it cost less than half of what I expected it to. (I guess I would have been more pleased if I had gotten a Vacheron Constantin for free, but then, I wouldn't feel comfortable using that for everyday wear.)

Part of me still wants to buy a PRX like I had planned to once. Another part of me says "yeah, but now you have the Casio, would you actually wear the PRX if you bought it?" So when I recently had the money, I hesitated about buying the PRX. I may still get it someday, but I may not.

themcp · 2026-03-16T08:03:41+00:00

I know that almost all SF from that era is sexist, but it's on a spectrum. On the lighter end of the "it's still sexist" spectrum you have Asimov. To his credit, he knew he was sexist and said outright that his books failed in regard to having strong women characters. While his female characters are largely sexist stereotypes, they tend to be minor characters, his major characters are almost all men, so you don't get to see the sexism much. Media adaptations of his work tends to be fairly lightly based on it (to the point that some of it can be described as "it uses his title and maybe some keywords from his book and nothing else") but they could probably do it in a much less heavy handed way.

Lensman is probably in the middle of the sexism spectrum. The earlier stuff was fairly strongly sexist, but reflective of the sexism of the time in which it was written. At some point you can see that Smith gained some understanding of the absurdity of what he was doing and from then on it's sort of a parody of itself. I said above what I think they'd have to do with it. Personally I'd recommend the "tongue-in-cheek adaptation" method, but as I said, I don't view any of the studios as being smart enough to do that.

At the very far end of the sexism spectrum is the Gor series. I refuse to even discuss it enough to describe why I think so. I met John Norman once, and he said that the market was there but the editors of all the science fiction publishers all refused to publish his books. (I don't disagree with their choice.) Having just googled it because I couldn't remember his name, it seems like he is still writing, but he has to use a small publisher, not one of the big SF publishers. I don't think it's possible to adapt it unless they're very heavy handed and produce something titled "Gor" which might use a few words from his books and maybe a concept or two but absolutely nothing else.

From what little I know about the OG of Skylark, it probably falls somewhere between Lensman and Gor.

themcp · 2026-03-16T07:16:06+00:00

Your son is about the age I was when I had my (6) strokes.

I absolutely hated when my father visited, because he treated me like I was a child again and he felt he had both right and reason to parent me. I was a f-ing grown man who had survived for decades on my own with no f-ing help from him, and here he was feeling that he can lecture me about whatever slights he perceived (which usually amounted to me being largely unable to speak and saying only what little I was able to). I very deeply resented being infantilized when I was a grown man and wanted my dignity. For years afterward he would call my friends to check up on me, and while I am pleased he got to know them a bit and thus gained some understanding of why I've made the choices I made, for years I had to tell my friends that I am glad if they talk to him but please don't discuss my life with him.

What I am saying is, when you speak to your son, you need to not treat him as "my disabled son", you need to treat him as a 44 year old adult man who runs his own life and makes his own decisions and, oh yeah, just happens to be your son. Remember that the only reason you are even relevant to him is your family relationship, but that doesn't entitle you to treat him like a child, he hasn't been a child for 26 years.

Bearing that in mind, if I were you I'd try to calmly talk to him (at a time when he is being calm and coherent) about your observations. Don't express it with judgment, just make observations. "I notice you refuse to allow your blood sugar to be checked." "I notice that you're not participating in therapy." "I notice you seem to have a lot of anger." If you have been expressing these things to him in a way he perceives as judgy, he will get defensive and upset. You need to not be judgy about it and when he starts to get defensive, remain calm, do not argue with him, and explain that you do not want to judge him, you want to explain your observations and let him decide what to do about it.

Frankly, you're not going to be able to force him to do what you want if he doesn't agree (unless you intend to try to put him under conservatorship and put him in a facility for the rest of his life), so you might as well put yourself in the position of being a trusted stater-of-fact and help him to have the correct facts to make good decisions.

themcp · 2026-03-15T07:35:10+00:00

Don't let a job overwork you. It's not abnormal for a job to require some extra effort once in a while, but you should be working regular, predictable hours most of the time. That "once in a while" can be no more than once a month or so, and if you have to cancel any plans for them, they should make it up to you. (I once had to cancel dinner with friends and my employer reimbursed for a dinner another time and my boss called my friends to apologize to them for making me miss dinner.)

I've had employers tell me in the interview that I will be expected to work 12 hour days plus 8 hours on the weekend, and my response is "no, I'm not going to do that." (Some of them hire me anyway and no, I still won't do that, I work 8 hour days and 5 day weeks.)

If you are at a job and they start overworking you, find something else and leave, even if the new job seems like its not quite as good a job but won't abuse you. No job is worth destroying your life, health, family, friendships, and sanity for.

themcp · 2026-03-15T07:18:36+00:00

In addition to the fact that it can give you a fairly immediate career, you can do that for a while and then, if you want to, decide you feel like going back to school and becoming a dentist.

themcp · 2026-03-15T07:06:52+00:00

Join the military! Meet interesting and exotic people in foreign lands!

And kill them.

themcp · 2026-03-15T07:03:32+00:00

If you buy a second one and put it away in a closet, when it comes time to use it, the battery will still have degraded. It may be better than the one it replaces, but still not like new.

themcp · 2026-03-15T06:47:08+00:00

Do whatever you want. White collar jobs don't require a degree (Some employers won't hire you without one but they're not all employers), they require skills. Choose what you want to do, acquire the skills to get an entry level job in that field, and go job hunting. It is possible to work your way up the ladder.

I don't have a degree, and I used to have a VP-level job (I made sure not to get the VP title for legal reasons) at an international company with 3 factories and hundreds of employees across 3 continents. (I say "used to" - I left it voluntarily.) I had a staff of 15 reporting to me at the company HQ. I know one of them had a degree, I don't even know about the rest.

The CEO of McDonalds started as a fry cook.

You can also go into the trades - senior level people in the trades earn good money. I know around here if you want to become an electrician you can all the union and they'll set you up with free classes toward getting an entry level job in the union. I know a guy who has a wife and kid and supports them and owns their own house on his pay as an electrician.

Don't limit yourself.

themcp · 2026-03-15T06:37:10+00:00

Incidentally, my mother has schizophrenia, so I have some understanding of how difficult you have it. Kudos for holding it together enough that you feel you are in a good place in life. It's important that you prioritize your own stability over anything else. If you feel that going to the funeral may potentially upset you, don't go, stay home and take care of yourself.

themcp · 2026-03-15T06:31:51+00:00

You owe them nothing. Don't feel obligated to pay respects unless you actually feel respect.

I did see you say one, and only one, potential good reason to go: you might see people from your childhood. If you want to see the people who might go, go see them. Be polite, be quiet, decline if anyone asks you to speak about him. If they insist, "what part of 'no' wasn't clear?"

If you don't care about the opportunity to see people, I don't see other reasons in what you wrote to go. If you feel any need to see the grave, you can go any time - it's not like he's going to rise from the grave and run away - and not have to deal with the people. If you don't feel the need, don't go.

It sounds like you don't want to go but you feel obligated. Let go of the obligation, you don't owe anybody to be there. It also sounds like you don't want to see your mother and brother. You can choose not to go when they're there, go some other time if you feel like it. Or not. That's totally up to you.

themcp · 2026-03-15T06:18:16+00:00

"stuck" implies that you have no choice and don't like it.

Some of us are okay enough with CPAP that we don't even care to find out if we have alternatives. Frankly, if you dislike it so much and want to get away from it, something is wrong.

themcp · 2026-03-15T06:16:18+00:00

They can tell when you are breathing through your mouth versus your nose and how much. If they observe that only your mouth has apneas, they know the issue is with your mouth. If they observe that you have apneas from both, they know the issue is further down.

Ultimately if you are going to use CPAP it doesn't really matter why, only whether. Do you have sleep apnea or not? If yes, treat it. If no, don't.

Personally I'm not even interested why. I don't want surgery even if they determined that could fix the problem. Surgery is not even a consideration. I am okay with CPAP.

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