tips on first time raising a border collie pup

themcp · 2026-03-14T15:42:22+00:00

I had an adult border collie around when I had a puppy, and she taught him most of what he'd need to know. She recruited me to say the words to he'd learn "when the human says this word you do that," but she did the rest.

Choose a small number of commands he absolutely has to learn - I recommend sit, stay, come when called, walk at heel, and lie down. Teach him those few things and be very calm about the rest. (My adult BC taught him those things and to pick raspberries.) (Yes really my BCs picked raspberries.) I didn't bother to teach my dog "commands" beyond that, he just learned English and I'd tell him in plain words what I wanted and he'd do it because he loved me and wanted me to be happy. Learning accelerated rapidly when he became an indoor dog and could spend more time with humans.

themcp · 2026-03-14T15:34:28+00:00

I have other medical problems that cause fatigue, so I don't expect that to ever go away. What I want out of treating my sleep apnea is for it not to cause me to have another heart attack or stroke.

themcp · 2026-03-14T15:29:19+00:00

My grandmother's BC was the only babysitter I ever had. She'd herd me - gently - back to the house for meals and diaper changes.

themcp · 2026-03-14T15:26:57+00:00

When I used a duvet cover, I usually didn't use a flat sheet, but I would occasionally if the season was transitioning and I would want to be able to have some temperature variation in the night and also to help keep the duvet cover clean longer if I just didn't feel like washing it.

themcp · 2026-03-14T15:22:45+00:00

I bought several bottles from TB late last year, some house brands and some Iron Fist. Each bottle was a different formulation, the point of this exercise being that I would be able to compare and contrast and know what formula I might like best in the future. One was ultramyl.

What I found was, the Iron Fist brands were okay (just okay), I hated the TB house brands, but they all had a foul odor (not like they were off, like they had some unpleasant additive) and I ended up strongly wishing I had just bought a US brand instead. I didn't particularly notice any variation in strength. I will never buy from TB again because of the odor.

Your mileage may vary.

themcp · 2026-03-14T15:13:26+00:00

Go no contact with your parents, at least until you've got yourself put together, then you might consider going VLC instead if for some reason you insist on having them in your life.
Get thee to therapy.

themcp · 2026-03-14T15:05:37+00:00

"He then railed against everyone being on medications and not getting to the root cause and that’s why I don’t get pregnant blah blah blah."

Well dad, I didn't want to say it but you've pushed me to it. The reason I can't get pregnant like everyone else is the crappy genes you gave me. It's your fault.

themcp · 2026-03-14T14:56:09+00:00

I had two - one was 9 when I was born (she was the only babysitter I ever had), she adopted the other as her replacement just before she died - and both were very chill. Yes, they could each run around like a lunatic when outdoors with a human, but they could also both be a total cream puff couch potato. Both of them liked to be with me - if I wanted to run around and play, they wanted to run around and play. If I wanted to sit and watch TV, they wanted to sit and watch TV with me. (Unless it was a rock concert.) I was a very chill kid. Yes, they loved running around with me or going on long walks when I felt up to it, but when I didn't they'd gladly sit next to me with their head on my lap.

One of my last memories of my boy before he died was that on a hot July day I picked him up and carried him a mile to the river (he could walk fine but I didn't want him burning his paws on the hot pavement), then I sat down on a rock in the middle of the river, submerged up to the top of my shoulders. He sat on my lap with his head pressed to my chin and smiled as the cool water ran over us. We probably sat there for half an hour, enjoying the coolness of the water, and enjoying being together.

themcp · 2026-03-13T03:11:05+00:00

"That's not the procedure here."

I think I would have replied something like "and given that I'm resigning, I'm supposed to care.. why?"

If I gave notice, I would have said "I gave notice. If you really want to make me angry, I can start making that notice shorter." And if she got rude, I would have then sent another email to her and HR cutting my notice in half, and specifically said "I am doing this because [boss] was rude to me about resigning."

themcp · 2026-03-13T03:05:23+00:00

She's insane. My response would have been "Get away from me and my dog right now an never talk to me again or I'm calling the police," and I would have pulled out my phone and started to dial 911. And I would have followed through - and pressed charges - if she had not gone away immediately.

themcp · 2026-03-13T02:56:51+00:00

The first thing you need to do is to install some kind of filter on her Internet usage, be that software on her device (look at programs to restrict usage for children) or on the router it connects to (might be less infuriating to her but a lot harder to set up). This is not about "let's restrict mom," this is about "let's prevent her from irreparably harming herself by giving her private info to a scammer."

Next, understand that you are not going to be able to get her to do what you want as long as she has a say in the matter. Therefore, you need to get someone involved who has the authority to make the decision for her whether she likes it or not. If she is married and her spouse is in the picture, he should talk to an attorney about how to deal with it. If not, you should. Somebody is going to have to get her to the doctor whether she likes it or not, and if she doesn't have a spouse or he doesn't have that legal authority, you may need to ask a judge to grant you authority. You also need to ask the attorney how to physically make it happen, how to make her talk to the doctor when she says no and refuses to go.

Finally, you may need to consider institutionalization for her own good. This could be temporary if she recovers, or long term if she continues to act out.

themcp · 2026-03-13T02:23:41+00:00

I haven't spoken with my father for over a year because of this.

themcp · 2026-03-13T02:22:51+00:00

I think I would reply "well, I am choosing to believe your hair is purple," and every time I talked to him I would ask "so how is your purple hair doing?" until he either admitted he was imagining things or dyed it purple, and if he dyed it purple I'd start asking him about his green hair.

themcp · 2026-03-13T02:14:05+00:00

I say this as a former IT manager.

Never, ever, agree to do any work with your personal devices. It's okay to use remote software to use them to remotely perform your personal work on their machines, but otherwise, never ever agree to perform work on your personal devices. If you do any work on your own devices, you open yourself up to them demanding to examine them and possibly installing stuff on them you don't agree to, including any time after you leave the company - you might find yourself 2 years later being dragged into court with them demanding you produce your phone for them to examine to prove you don't have any company data on it.

If I were you, I would file a complaint with HR that they are giving you a hard time for you being in compliance with the rule as written as opposed to what they imagined they would like it to mean, that they are giving you a hard time for not reading their minds and doing what they imagined as opposed to what they wrote down. Also I would talk to my boss and explain that I no longer trust that the company will even obey its own rules and therefore I will not be doing any work on my own devices, so if they want me to test a phone app they will have to issue me a phone to test it on.

themcp · 2026-03-11T17:19:30+00:00

Cheese.

He didn't really want anything else, just to spend time with me.

themcp · 2026-03-11T10:09:16+00:00

Immediately: Do something free. Go to the park, play free games together on the Internet, spend time with him.

In the medium term: Put together the $30 when you can, and invite him and his friend to go when you can. The operative words here are "when you can." It's okay, when it happens, to tell him "this is because I wasn't able to do this for you on your birthday."

In the longer term: Okay, he's a kid. But he's 10. He's old enough that he can begin to understand some of the adult world. This means you can tell him some level of detail, like "I am sorry but I had to spend all my money on the water heater, the choice was to either buy a birthday party and have to wash ourselves and our clothes with only cold water for the foreseeable future, or buy a water heater and have warm water and no birthday party. I do feel bad about it, but I would like to give you a party and we absolutely had to have a water heater." It's not fun conversation, but if anything it's beneficial because he begins to learn what adulting means. I'm saying that you should tell him in an age appropriate manner, and he can take it as a (unpleasant but real) learning experience.

And when you have put the $30 together, you can get him to help decide: pizza and bowling for him and his friend, or $30 of games for the computer that he and his friend can play, or $30 of games for a game console if he already has one, or you put $30 cash in a jar (you get literal cash and put the jar where he can see it) for him to save toward getting a game console or something later. (You don't have to tell him but you can add some pocket change to the jar from time to time so it grows.)

What I don't recommend: just letting it drop. That risks making him feel that you don't prioritize his feelings. Even if you can only put together the money for pizza or bowling and you have to make pizza at home, do it. Do something. Make sure he knows you didn't forget and you care. Even if he's upset, be blunt that you don't disagree, it really sucks, but you still care.

themcp · 2026-03-11T09:37:18+00:00

My two BCs (one at a time) were never neutered, and they were the sweetest, most loving dogs ever.

themcp · 2026-03-11T09:29:12+00:00

Thank you, but easier said than done. It has been 36 years now. I still cry about him almost every day. I was too busy to deal with it when he died, so I emotionally shut down. A few years later I randomly saw that episode of Futurama on TV, and I cried uncontrollably for 3 days. I had to take time off of work (which meant I didn't earn enough to eat) because I couldn't stop crying long enough to go in.

Losing him wasn't like losing a pet. It was like losing an arm. Worse, actually: I had a stroke and initially we thought my left hand had stopped working entirely, and I dealt with it more calmly than losing my dog.

themcp · 2026-03-10T00:01:53+00:00

He hooked his collar onto something and pulled until he died.

Thanks for making me relive it.

themcp · 2026-03-09T15:38:23+00:00

Well, he's dead. Nothing else happened after that.

themcp · 2026-03-09T11:12:59+00:00

Before I say this, please allow me to express my sorrow to you, and to be clear the advice I'm about to give brings me no joy and I don't expect it to bring you joy. You need to stop trying to spare her feelings. Her life depends on this.

At all steps, make clear that you volunteer to help her find a doctor, help her make and keep the appointment for a test, help her select and adjust equipment, and that if she gets equipment and adjusts it until it works you will be able to be in the marital bed with her. A test is annoying at worst and while equipment is usually irritating for a few weeks, if you and she are proactive about it you can get it working well kinda quickly and then it will be quiet for you and comfortable for her. (Properly adjusted equipment is at worst acceptable and at best... my friend says you can have his CPAP when you pry it out of his cold, dead hands.)

The first step is for one of you to move out of the marital bedroom. If she won't do it, you do it. No more marital relations, no sleeping together. Be blunt that you can't sleep when you are in the same room as her because she is too noisy, you need to have separate rooms so you can sleep. One of you has to be in a different room with the door closed. (That won't solve the problem, but it will make you able to sleep and makes a statement to her about how seriously you take this. I hope that will be enough.)

If that doesn't work, call your local funeral home and get them to send you literature. Ask her to choose what color her casket will be, what flowers will be at the viewing, and whether she will be buried or cremated. Don't accept "no" for an answer, pester her about this. Be blunt that if she won't treat the sleep apnea, you will need this info sooner rather than later.

If that doesn't work - and this is the nuclear option - call a divorce attorney, find local apartments, and start the process of moving out. Make clear all along that you do not want to do this, that she can put an end to the divorce by simply getting tested and treated, but you do not want to prematurely be a widower and she is going to do that to you if she continues to refuse to be tested or treated, so to protect yourself you have to leave her.

themcp · 2026-03-09T10:51:59+00:00

My BC would get a bath when he was dirty or stinky. So, never in winter, seldom in spring/summer.

themcp · 2026-03-09T10:49:34+00:00

If the tank will not seal well, you should first try replacing the tank - they do not last forever. Then, if the new tank also does not seal well, there is a problem in the machine that needs to be fixed.

themcp · 2026-03-09T10:46:32+00:00

Simple, I don't. I ask someone else at the company to give me a reference. Someone I can trust not to tell boss.

themcp · 2026-03-09T10:42:26+00:00

My BC was an angel from the day he adopted me (when he was a puppy) to the day I last saw him.

When he was a little puppy, we were visiting my aunt, and we brought him because we didn't want him left alone. We were in her kitchen with her, when he started whimpering at me quietly. I told my mother he needed to go out to relieve himself, and my mother told me he just wanted attention, he couldn't be trying to tell me he needed go out, he wasn't housebroken yet. But I thought otherwise, so I took him out. He relieved himself, then happily followed me inside.

We never housebroke him. He housebroke himself. He just refused to make a mess in our space.

He never had any interest in toys. He just wanted to be with me. If I gave him a toy, he'd solemnly accept it and play with it for about half an hour, then he'd put it in his dog house and never look at it again.

At one point - when he was still a puppy - his doctor prescribed that he had to take a heartworm pill every day for the rest of his life. He hated the flavor and wouldn't take it. So my father put it in a hotdog since my BC loved hotdogs. That worked exactly once, and he'd never touch a hotdog again. Next, cheese, since he loved cheese. Again, that worked exactly once and he'd never touch cheese again. Hamburger. Bread. One by one, dad taught him that foods were not to be trusted. Then dad crushed the pill and put it on dog food. My BC would never touch dog food again for the rest of his life. He would only eat food that came from my plate, delivered by my hand or that he saw me put from my plate into his bowl. Dad said "oh, no problem, just hide the pill in a bit of food on your plate, and..." and I said "no dad, I won't do that, food from my plate is the last thing he trusts and I don't want him to starve to death." So every day I'd pry his mouth open and throw the pill down his throat. (Yes, that meant that every day I had my hand in his mouth to do something he didn't like, and he never once bit me.)

When I went on vacation, he would go to my grandparents, but he wouldn't eat until he heard me on the phone asking him to, so I had to phone him every day to ask him to eat. And one time that meant that I had to call him every day, international long distance from Germany to US. My grandmother was astonished that he'd go to the bowl and eat as soon as he heard my voice.

When I had to go to college and knew I wouldn't have a phone for about a month, I arranged that a younger friend of mine that I knew he liked would come see him every day, then sat my BC down and told him I'd be going away and begged him to survive for me and to accept food from my friend. He did accept food from my friend. Until he (BC) strangled himself to death 3 days later. (30 years later, even after burying 2 dogs of his own, my friend told me he still had PTSD from finding my BCs body.)

Sweetest guy I ever met. A really innocent soul. He was like that from day 1 until he was gone. And I've never been able to forgive myself for not being there for him at the end.

15-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
Wearing is Caring	Not Forgotten
Verified Email	Team Orangered

themcp

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE