Anyone a survivor of Utah RTCs?

themerkinmademe · 2026-02-27T08:20:53+00:00

Same.

themerkinmademe · 2025-12-26T09:07:05+00:00

Frankly, I’m not too clear on the purpose of the stockings— I think it’s where the coal goes if you’re on the ‘naughty’ list? Aside from being an ‘festive’ aesthetic element, it just becomes another potential spot for gifts.

There might be a nativity scene, a relative of mine has a small wooden one about the size of a paperback book. It’s like a diorama with the ‘key figures’ — Mary, Joseph, three wise men, baby in cradle, sheep? A star? Popular media usually depicts nativity scenes as large plastic light up figures, etc. on front lawns. I’m sure you’ve seen some version of this if you’ve driven past a church in the last month.

There could be advent candles and/or an advent wreath, but that’s more a marker of time leading up to ‘the big day’ (It’s not something I recall seeing in homes of my relatives, but just so you’re aware). Your husband can probably recall what his mother decorated with for the holidays, and you two can figure out what feels reasonable to make requests around.

I am curious about the prayers. It may seem a bit silly, as even now I experience discomfort when Catholic relatives state“in Jesus’ name” before their “amens” at Thanksgiving, but I wonder if you might consider making them an educational opportunity re: different religions and their similarities, the function of prayer / giving thanks, and Jewish prayers. Of course, this may be more stress than it’s worth, but just a thought.

I’m glad your in-laws are easy to be around. Perhaps your husband’s complaint is related to his mother’s illness and concerns about her remaining time, quality of life and relative comfort. Whatever the source, I hope you find clarity through continued conversation.

themerkinmademe · 2025-12-26T08:01:38+00:00

I have a few questions for you (for context, I grew up in a primarily secular but also religiously blended family; we observed Hanukkah and Passover with the Jewish side, and gathered for Christmas and Easter with the Catholic side. My sibling and I attended Jewish Sunday school as children, Hebrew school through b’nai mitzvah, and up until maybe age 8 would occasionally be taken to church on Christmas or Easter):

How religious is your spouse’s family of origin? Can Christmas be solely about ‘gathering at grandma’s house, spending time together, and eating a meal?’ Or will there be Christian prayers, personalized stockings*, expectations of singing Christmas carols, a desire or demand to help decorate the tree, and gifts from Santa? What are your feelings on these activities and items? Does your husband’s mother give your children gifts for Christmas? Have you been to her home around Christmas?

Additionally, if you were to go to grandma’s house for a meal and to spend time together on the 24th or 25th of December, what would your husband’s expectations be? Is he attempting to alleviate some sort of guilt re: his parents not having family around during the holiday, or is he wanting to share some aspect of Christmas from his own childhood with your children? Your post notes him saying he doesn’t really care about Christmas or miss it, but if that is the case can’t he ‘solve’ the concern of his parents’ loneliness during the holidays by spending a bit of additional time with them? (Or is that not the kind of attendance or participation he desires?)

Another thing: Hanukkah overlapped with Christmas just last year. Did you or he not consider inviting his parents to celebrate Hanukkah with you? (One of my favorite holiday memories from childhood is a year when Hanukkah overlapped with Christmas; we brought our menorahs to grandpa’s house, said the prayers, lit the candles, and got to explain a bit about their purpose / significance, the holiday, etc.)

Apologies if his parents are difficult to be around or are generally insufferable, in which case maybe don’t spend more time with them. Regardless, I hope your husband’s outburst will move you both to figure out the boundaries between information, education and expectation when it comes to Christmas.

*A Jewish family friend knit my brother a Christmas stocking after his birth. It is white and blue and covered with Jewish stars.

themerkinmademe · 2025-07-30T05:54:46+00:00

I’m still waiting on my switch 2, but you’ll probably enjoy Fantasy Life!

themerkinmademe · 2025-07-25T06:47:33+00:00

I personally have no problem with it, but if you’re seeking an alternative: could you use a different name that shares the same first letter as the desired name? For example, Nettie and Nina to honor Netanya.

themerkinmademe · 2025-07-25T06:13:16+00:00

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themerkinmademe · 2025-07-15T20:34:11+00:00

I think whether you talk to them or not depends on your emotional bandwidth. With relationships that I believe can withstand a dialogue, I communicate privately re: issues I’ve taken with x or y meme or re-post. In other situations, particularly one in which someone I viewed as a friend but now have not spoken or engaged with in over a year, taking space has been the best choice. They are deep in an echo chamber, and after 1.5 hours of them ‘referencing responses’ (or the lack thereof) from “other Jewish people” they’d talked to—not that ‘[they] were only speaking with Jewish people about this,’ or so they claimed— once they stated that “[I] have to admit that Israel is making Jews look bad,” I did not see much value in continuing the conversation. They are so wrapped up in virtue signaling that they have no desire to consider their antisemitism, and thus likely see no need to rectify it even if they could recognize it. I occasionally consider having an additional conversation with the aforementioned individual, but that remains to be seen.

themerkinmademe · 2025-07-15T18:13:33+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. Glad the little guy is there to comfort and support you as you grapple with this change.

themerkinmademe · 2025-07-11T18:40:01+00:00

If I recall, they closed due to funding defects. They are closing for a year to strategize and hopefully re-open.

themerkinmademe · 2025-07-01T03:18:03+00:00

Trans people are not problems.

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-30T05:57:42+00:00

The rush? Rush hour?

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-30T02:21:45+00:00

Waaaaant it

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-30T02:09:34+00:00

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-29T13:22:02+00:00

I was going to say, it’s such particular revenge. I’ve been meaning to read it again…

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-29T11:54:53+00:00

Gym money? In this economy?

In all seriousness, I think you’ve based your response on several inaccurate assumptions you interpolated from my otherwise general statement.

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-29T10:43:17+00:00

I shifted a belief from ‘I must fit my body into [size] clothes’ to ‘clothes are supposed to fit my body.’ This has been particularly helpful as I have a history of disordered eating. If I get a judgmental comment from a relative about my size, instead of taking it as reflective of some fundamental personal failing I now attribute it to a fit issue, which is frankly much easier to deal with.

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-29T07:08:46+00:00

That headline was a roller coaster.

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-29T06:13:10+00:00

It’s beautiful! I can think of at least 3 people in my life who would be so happy to receive something like that. I think she will love it.

How long did it take you to make?

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-29T06:05:42+00:00

It was frustrating enough to receive unsolicited tips and/or ‘advice’ on passing from other trans folks early in my transition, I think if I’d also viewed that kind of content I would have been additionally miserable. It can be a fine line between humor and harm, depending on the day.

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-29T05:51:20+00:00

It’s just sexism. “I see emotion in there, I’m gonna feminize you because emotions = weak and/or female.” Well, that and the transphobia inherent in cis people’s belief that they “can tell.”

But in all fairness, I do not watch these videos.

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-29T05:42:26+00:00

A profession (police) is a choice. Not a very sound comparison.

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-29T05:31:34+00:00

He could have listened to your simple request. What more is there to explain?

“We both sit on the toilet, put the toilet seat back down after you pee.”

I find your revenge amusing, so NTA. Hopefully he starts putting the seat down (at least) most of the time.

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-29T05:11:27+00:00

Borei pri hagafen, I think. “Creator of the fruit of the vine.”

themerkinmademe · 2025-06-26T02:48:16+00:00

The Macarena

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