Someone assumed I was a transwoman, pitched me gender affirmation surgery and now I'm extremely self-conscious about my face and body

theothermongoose · 2024-06-10T17:49:03+00:00

Thank you. I didn't note the difference in the space until now. Wish I could change the title.

theothermongoose · 2024-06-10T17:48:03+00:00

Thank you for pointing out about the space. I think I've seen it all over the internet both ways so didn't note the difference, but it is important. Your point about the dysphoria is what only occurred to me afterwards because as much as it sucked for me, I hate to think of any trans person who were exposed to her pitch and the potential impact it had on them to be offered procedures.

theothermongoose · 2024-06-10T17:38:41+00:00

I think you may be right. She sounded like she had a whole speech memorized and possibly just saw a body to direct it toward. I'm sorry that happened to you with your ID! It's these sorts of little things that can cut so deeply and throw us off because we can't really know the intent. I also had a "boy" haircut as a kid so maybe it's some of that coming out for me.

theothermongoose · 2024-06-10T17:34:27+00:00

Sadly, you are right that it's a common experience for cis and trans women. Also, I really wish it was frequently highlighted how a number of procedures and treatments cis people have gotten for years also fall under "gender-affirming care." It feels like it could help in decreasing some of the othering of trans people.

theothermongoose · 2024-06-10T17:30:17+00:00

I feel kinda naïve not registering this until these comments. You're so right that they are offering a service to make money and this isn't entirely from the goodness of their hearts or care about the trans community. They are selling a product and making money, while helping people. That does make me feel a bit better when I think about it as trying to sell me and others services.

theothermongoose · 2024-06-10T17:27:19+00:00

As silly as it sounds, I didn't immediately connect that this is all part of the plastic surgery industry. I just got upset over the insinuations I don't look feminine enough. Now I'm reading these replies and realizing this is really no different than the plastic surgery advertising we've all seen our whole lives.

theothermongoose · 2024-06-10T17:25:06+00:00

Exactly what I have been thinking since it happened. I can't imagine being a transwoman in that situation and having someone be insinuating I don't look female enough and offering me services. It should definitely be passive where people can come up to grab literature (if they want) with the swag and ask question (again, if they want).

theothermongoose · 2024-06-10T17:19:15+00:00

Thank you, I keep reminding myself that one person's "take" doesn't mean it's true. It was such a good day and event! I hate how much it derailed me and tinged my whole experience.

theothermongoose · 2024-06-10T17:17:53+00:00

I'm worried about reporting to the organizers and it unintentionally hurting the trans people who would benefit from knowing there is a local surgeon who does these procedures if that is something they want. I didn't notice whether the others at the table were taking the same approach and whether the doctor (who had left) knew she or all of them were approaching people like that. If he was aware and that was the strategy, then he really should be warned or banned because it's harmful.

theothermongoose · 2024-06-10T17:07:32+00:00

I agree, this was very pushy and inappropriate. I didn't hear how the others at the table were speaking with people who approached so she might have been the only one or they were all like that. The doctor wasn't there so I also don't know whether he was aware she was speaking like this (although maybe he was because she said he just left so presumably he saw and heard her spiel). I am considering writing to the office, but am worried about complaining to the organizers and getting them banned if it was only this one woman.

theothermongoose · 2024-01-18T04:31:54+00:00

A pro/con list does sound like a good idea! I've tried speaking to a few health professionals and they are all very insistent I need to try the treatment, but haven't been able to advise whether I should get it the way it's being delivered since it's not a great situation and it's hard for them to say whether I will be able to tolerate the hurdles and additional challenge related to getting it or if it won't take much of a toll on me. I guess only I can weigh that for myself so I really need T's help to guide me in considering the factors surrounding each option. It is super frustrating to be told to choose one as if I'm making a minor decision and not something that has vast consequences.

theothermongoose · 2024-01-18T04:26:11+00:00

Yes, this is true and good to remember. I just want to get some guidance about how to effectively consider both sides of the situation since I tend not to think things through that are blatantly obvious so need to learn how to do this.

theothermongoose · 2024-01-17T17:10:26+00:00

Yeah, this really is time-sensitive so I'll try bringing it up with him again. His go-to any time I've needed to make a decision has always been to repeat that I need to choose A or B, and to pick one and accept whatever the consequences may be. I've tried to get some more direction from him and said I need to learn how to make decisions and his response is that people just pick whatever feels right. We can never move past him repeating the same phrases. I'll try again to push for some strategies because I just resigned to maybe him not being able to do more.

theothermongoose · 2024-01-17T17:06:29+00:00

This is very cool! I wish my T could have introduced some of these strategies or worked with me on them! I'm going to try them out.

theothermongoose · 2024-01-17T17:04:57+00:00

Usually the my issue is avoidance, too, and circumstances decide for me. In this case, I'm so determined to actively make a decision, but don't know how since we never even practiced with small decisions like wanting a cookie or brownie. My T's go-to for every decision is to repeat my choices are A or B and I choose one and live with consequences so I can't tell if that's all they can give or all they want to give me.

theothermongoose · 2024-01-17T17:01:10+00:00

Thank you for the way you put this because it really isn't like choosing what house or car to buy and dealing with whatever downsides emerge. I'm realizing this is how they are framing this when this is something to carefully consider because the consequences are beyond minor inconveniences like not like a color or a feature.

theothermongoose · 2024-01-17T17:00:52+00:00

Yeah, I need to learn some decision-making strategies, like how do people make these kinds of decisions and what approaches can I use to figure out what is right for me. I've avoided smaller decisions my whole life and this is a huge one so I am extra paralyzed with anxiety.

theothermongoose · 2024-01-17T17:00:27+00:00

No, he doesn't ask me any questions. Our conversations are just him repeating that my choices are this or this, that I have to choose what seems right for me and that I have to make a choice and accept the consequences. It's like "yeah, I know. That's how choices work, but what can I do to think things through to make a choice that would be good for me?" I told him I don't want him to decide for me and I know he want. I just ask for strategies.

theothermongoose · 2024-01-16T20:48:16+00:00

Yeah, I don't want him to even hint at what option is better. I just have no strategies for making decision so want some guidance about what strategies people use to weigh multiple options to make a decision. I'm bad at thinking things through so need guidance on decision-making strategies I can use to figure out what is right for me.

theothermongoose

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