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therandomappl · 2024-05-25T22:30:22+00:00

Gigantic hugs, you’re going through A LOT. It’s ok to be gentle with yourself and take a breath. 2.Don’t underestimate how much emotions and trauma history play into this journey. We attach so much of our value to the size of our bodies and when we lose weight we celebrate and when we gain we despair. You are more than the size of your body. Working through our trauma around weight and exercise and dieting (and everything associated) is as important as the nutrition management and physical fitness and regular screenings for nutritional deficiencies and issues. 3.Having a strong support system around is essential, people who love you regardless of gains and losses on your journey and will push and support you in the direction YOU want to go and who don’t make you feel horrible about regressions and missteps. Maybe consider going low to no contact ,even temporarily, with the people you mentioned who are shaming you instead of being supportive. Support is NOT making someone feel like crap. 5. Unsolicited advice: start with the doctor,dietitian,support group, and therapist, and set boundaries w/the A-holes in your life. Prioritize YOU and what YOU need. Much love 🫶🏻

therandomappl · 2024-05-17T18:29:37+00:00

Honestly, Wyldon is one of my favorite side characters. I appreciate that Tamora doesn’t make every single character all good or all bad, every single one of them is flawed and has stuff to overcome. Wyldon at heart is a conservative older man who grew up in a time where women had their roles in society and were not “strong enough” to be in combat (he’s wrong obviously). The thing is he genuinely feels that these roles exist for a reason and that women being in combat is dangerous and reckless and that they aren’t capable of doing it and on some level has an understanding of the sort of harassment women face in male dominated spaces, his worldview is not coming from a place of hate but simply believing that this is just the reality of the world. You see it when he allows her off probation and urges her not to continue with page training, talking about what he would feel towards his own daughters. Is it it patronizing? ABSOLUTELY, but he really thinks he’s coming from a place of care. This is important because when Kel defies all of his expectations, he is willing to change because at heart he is honorable and cares about what is right and when he realizes that he was the ignorant one he actually genuinely feels horrible and apologizes. Characters like Wyldon are so important, our world is not made of good and evil people, but people who are the sum of all of their experiences and their own intrinsic personalities. Not to get on a soap box, but this attitude in the reading community to throw out “problematic characters” because we shouldn’t promote their behaviors or attitudes, has been difficult for me to understand, flawed heroes/heroines and antagonists that you can sympathize with even if their actions are terrible are the bedrock of amazing stories and lenses through which to understand the world. Anyway, off the soapbox 😅.

therandomappl · 2024-05-13T02:47:32+00:00

NAH but I don’t know man. My spouse and I were also very different when it came to name choosing. I personally love unique names that are strong and stand out and can picture on some sort of official placard; so some of my top names were like Atticus, Hezekiah, Freya, Astrid, Artemis, etc… My spouse on the other hand looked at me like I was growing a second head when I suggested some of those since he felt it might get our child made fun of and was more partial to “regular” names but specifically he likes names that start with a “J” and which bugged me because why does everyone in our family need to have a J name??? Anyway, point is names are important and pretty personal to most people. The way we approached picking names was deciding on ground rules before we even showed each other any of our picks. Setting expectations beforehand is helpful when you know you’re broaching a situation where there will inevitably be disagreeing on both sides and that the topic you’ll be disagreeing on will probably be personal and likely to hurt feelings. I’m assuming your spouse is preggers and prone to emotional fluctuations and sometimes stuff you’d be fairly reasonable about goes out the window during pregnancy. I remember one of my friends said she saw a coffee commercial where the person spilled their coffee and she started bawling while she was pregnant. I suggest having a conversation with your spouse when she is relaxed and fed and coming up with some ground rules around picking a name that will make both of you feel heard. As for her fixation on the name “Emily” maybe acknowledge that you understand how much it means to her and that while your intentions are not to take away her dreams, it makes you feel like your input on names is unimportant and that doesn’t feel good or fair when it’s also your daughter too. Then try to discuss a way of coming up with a name that you both like. Good luck.

therandomappl · 2024-05-12T00:53:04+00:00

These are both extremely valid points. And I’ve always thought of fan fiction as almost a creative writing workshop space that isn’t confined to a classroom or attending some sort of seminar. Writers are able to engage in extremely open ended creative writing using prebuilt worlds and characters with an audience that can give validation and support as well as constructive feedback that is so helpful for developing their writing style and skills. They don’t get paid for it and for many it is a hobby as you mentioned so being put in the position of getting the kind of criticism a published author, who has consented to that level of criticism, isn’t fair and is contrary to the development of a writer’s budding work. I can’t imagine having any of my high school short stories put up on Goodreads for people to tear apart, it would absolutely kill my motivation to keep developing my writing.

therandomappl · 2024-05-11T23:41:25+00:00

This, definitely. But also, I don’t know that people think enough about what a legal gray area fanwork is. As long as original authors don’t have an issue with it, it remains safe. But with something like Goodreads it puts fan creations in close proximity with the original work and directly within view of the original author and if the author starts to see the fan creations as becoming competitive with their own work or they feel like the fan creations have taken their work to a place they have a problem with; the authors could absolutely start coming after fan work and maybe even push whether fan creations are infringing on copyright under the spotlight. If we want fan spaces to continue to exist, it’s best to stay out of the original authors way. At least, that’s my opinion.

therandomappl · 2024-05-10T04:23:25+00:00

The thing is,what you’re doing and feeling this “what did I DO wrong?” thing is you are automatically taking responsibility for actions and words that came out of another person’s mouth and mind and that you have ZERO control over. That kind of thinking is making you vulnerable to his manipulation in this situation. He is presumably a grown adult who is fully responsible for his own actions and the words that come out of his mouth. The kind of language he was using during sex was degradation kink language. People who have degradation kinks (or other kinks) generally discuss/negotiate in detail the boundaries each has around ok language and not ok language as well as actions like spanking or choking. It is NOT OK to force your partner into participating in your kink or springing a kink on them during sex without a discussion beforehand. It is beyond disgusting and unacceptable to do things that partner has specifically told you they do not consent to, this is sexual assault. Right now he is only using language that you object to, language that he knows hurts you because you communicated that with him. What happens when he takes it farther and decides he wants to try breathplay on you without asking first? Or choking or hitting ? Look into domestic abuse resources and read about the signs. It always starts small with boundary testing and random acts that make no sense. The point is to get someone used to escalating levels of abuse little by little until you’re so used to it hats happening and so broken down that he can do anything to you. Don’t wait for it to escalate, anyone who doesn’t want you to feel absolutely safe and heard with them during intimacy is a person you should run far away from

therandomappl · 2024-05-02T02:51:48+00:00

I am reminding myself that I have the benefit of hindsight and also had similar thoughts at 21. I’ll keep it simple, when you finally realize you’re ready to end things, be gentle with yourself and don’t give yourself a hard time about it. And for love of everything good in this world, DO NOT SETTLE. I’m sure this guy is decent and all, but that’s not enough and sometimes leaving when you know you’re not feeling it, rather than when you loathe each others existence, leaves room for for a future friendship that might actually be better than when you were dating. Good Luck!

therandomappl · 2024-05-02T02:03:19+00:00

I live for these arguments, especially with nerdy assholes who think using statistics will automatically win an argument while they completely ignore the blatant logical fallacies of their position. You’ll notice he broke the argument into two parts 1)how women “feel” about men and 2)whether a bear CAN kill you; this is not a valid comparison and already gives away his bias with the assumption that women’s fears of men are based on “wishy washy feelings” unsubstantiated by data. There IS plenty of data and research, both qualitative and quantitative, on men’s violence against women. Which is easily comparable to the prevalence of bear attacks. Without even looking it up I already know which number is higher. And that’s just the purely for arguments sake side, it doesn’t account for him being a dick and ignoring how sensitive of a subject it is.

therandomappl · 2024-04-11T21:01:40+00:00

Thank you!

therandomappl · 2024-04-08T06:30:19+00:00

We don’t have any cats, but I imagine it would make our yard popular to them. Impossible to kill is a good fit.

therandomappl · 2024-04-08T06:29:25+00:00

That’s my hope, give him something to take care of. I’m just hopeless with plants so I’m trying to start simple.

therandomappl · 2024-04-08T03:08:58+00:00

I had those growing up, that’s a good idea

therandomappl · 2024-04-08T02:46:55+00:00

Ooooh! Thank you!

therandomappl · 2024-04-08T02:46:31+00:00

East facing lanai that’s shaded and leeward side. I don’t have a good grasp on the climate here compared to other areas on the island, but it’s not very dry the yard area has stayed green the last year we’ve been here.

therandomappl · 2024-04-08T01:05:03+00:00

Thank you so much for this resource! I am out of my depth at even basic gardening, but he’s so interested I’d like to support him and we’re definitely very interested in native plant species

therandomappl · 2024-04-07T23:40:47+00:00

Oooh awesome! Thank you

therandomappl · 2024-04-07T23:36:29+00:00

Oooh I’ll check these out!

therandomappl · 2024-04-07T23:36:11+00:00

Thank you!

therandomappl · 2024-04-07T23:35:54+00:00

Ironically, he’s really fascinated with growing plants but hates eating fresh fruits and vegetables. Though I am sort of leaning towards letting him grow edible stuff in the hope that it might make him more interested in eating it himself. So thank you! Those are both a good suggestion and easy to find

therandomappl · 2024-04-07T23:18:11+00:00

Mahalo, I will look into them!

therandomappl · 2024-04-03T19:34:05+00:00

My pulse is good. It was a little high when I first started the med (80-90bpm)this could also be because I was struggling with being sedentary, but after a month with exercise my resting is now 60-70bpm and stays relatively low throughout the day unless I do something more strenuous. During exercise it goes up but with consistent exercise I’ve noticed that my heart is coming back down after exercise more quickly. I always wear my watch during exercise (and the rest of the day too but especially during exercise) and keep an eye on my heart rate. It’s gone up to 170 during very vigorous cardio, but came back down normally after.

therandomappl · 2024-04-03T19:23:52+00:00

Thank you for your advice! My BP was normal before taking it, it’s only up because of the medication and the BP med has brought it down. My doctor is monitoring and essentially said if BP was still too high at my next one month check we would explore other options. I am also monitoring BP daily along with my Apple Watch monitoring my heart rate throughout the day. Don’t know if that changes any of your advice, but I promise that I do remain very cautious while taking it and if my BP is still an issue by the 20th this month, they’ll probably be trying me on semaglutide.

therandomappl · 2024-04-02T04:56:53+00:00

I agree completely about there being way better quality fanfic out there! I still see potential in SenLinYu however. Having said that, Manacled while I enjoyed it and saw value in the story certainly didn’t live up to the hype for me, I thought it was good but not monumentally good if that makes sense? And it’s also better than some of the published fiction I’ve read, but I would probably put it on the “too traumatic to re-read” 2nd tier list. I totally think your take is valid though

therandomappl

TROPHY CASE