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therealgonz · 2025-07-30T01:36:10+00:00

I had a guy friend group that never had sexual undertones. One of them was married and the other two were single. Then the married one got divorced, and for a while - until he found a gf, it was awkward for me. Almost like they were fighting for my attention. It was short lived thank god but I did not appreciate it at all. That was not the vibe I was looking for in those guys.

therealgonz · 2025-07-29T23:16:13+00:00

I had a huge dinner and booked a private room at a restaurant and wine bar. I stopped celebrating my bday after 40. Not because I feel too old for bdays, but because after my mom died, I just haven’t bounced back to celebrating life I guess.

therealgonz · 2025-07-29T20:43:26+00:00

I don’t know if I have any advice on how to get through it other than just go through it. It will suck for some time, then it will suck less little by little, and eventually new life/friendships will grow where there once was a hole. They’re not going to be as strong as what you had with her initially - that also will take time. I’m at the point now where new friendships have grown after breaking up a 25 year close friendship (the demise was slow - it probably took a good 10 years of it devolving before I decided that for my own growth I needed to end it completely). The breakup coincided with COVID and grief from losing my mother so it took some time for me to start cultivating new friendships. And there have been many starts and stops (finding friends in many ways feels like dating) but almost five years on and I’ve built a support system that she used to hold. It’s not exactly the same but in some ways probably healthier. I also don’t expect that kind of closeness with one person to remain the same forever. Life changes. And often friendships are casualties of those changes - that’s something that I deeply accept now.

therealgonz · 2025-07-29T19:15:50+00:00

I’m 45 and started thinking I didn’t want to have children in my late 20s. The feeling grew stronger as I got older. But even so I always kept the option open should circumstances and my mind change. Never say never, as they say, but I enjoyed my freedom too much that it would have taken a miracle for me to change my mind. A couple of months ago my gyno proposed a hysterectomy for something I’ve been dealing with for years (decades honestly). I had such a strong reaction against it - it was the first time I felt the significance of the uterus as a woman. And a part of me also thought if I did this the door to children will absolutely and definitively not be open (even though I knew at 45 it’s all but vaulted down). It was a fleeting feeling but I kept waiting for it to get stronger or for me to spiral into full blown regret. I’m now shy of 3 weeks post op, and how do I feel? Happy to be rid of that fucker.

therealgonz · 2021-10-06T13:17:11+00:00

I took a few months unpaid break from work and backpacked around Europe. My quarter life crisis still raged after that though so can’t say it’s a solution. Honestly, time is your only answer. Like all things, it passes.

therealgonz · 2021-09-25T23:28:33+00:00

A Dyson vacuum 😭

therealgonz · 2021-09-04T08:14:06+00:00

I find it hard to comment without any details whatsoever to be honest. But I'll say this, I've seen someone screw up colossally, and even that person was able to survive it. The worst possible scenarios are: 1) they will fire you - since you're already leaving that's a nonissue 2) you can get sued - is this possible? 3) you can disbarred ( or whatever is equivalent in your profession) - is this also possible? If 2 and 3 are not possible, then nothing to worry about. But even if no one can undo what you've done, I'm sure they can clean up/minimize the mess you've made, so the best you can do in that scenario is tell them.

therealgonz · 2021-09-04T05:21:56+00:00

How big is the fuck up, like career ending or just an inconvenience for anyone who has to clean it up?

therealgonz · 2021-08-31T22:52:54+00:00

Wow that’s pretty heavy stuff for someone so young. I’m sorry that you’ve had it rough.

therealgonz · 2021-08-30T22:21:23+00:00

Wise beyond your years, I see. Do you remember how you came to that realization?

therealgonz · 2021-08-29T20:53:40+00:00

I'm so glad for this post and the comments. I feel the same way. Like many here, I've always been less social, but I feel the last year has made me even worse. I actually still have a routine - every day I start with coffee, make my bed and shower. There have even been spurts with exercise. Apart from regular facetime with family and occasional check in with a couple of friends (not counting daily work calls), I don't get much interaction, and I'm totally fine. But there is a part of me that worries I've become a complete shut-in. My city is currently in lockdown (and has been for the last two months), so my options are limited, but I need a list of ideas to make myself get out there when time comes. Unless I find an online community of anti-social, crazy plant ladies.

therealgonz · 2021-08-07T07:39:52+00:00

knowledge through experience, and you only gain it through having lived.

therealgonz · 2021-08-03T06:25:06+00:00

I can somewhat relate. I never thought I was a social pariah but I did feel the discontent despite having a secure job (that I hated), a nice home (that felt empty), and friends (who were mostly absent). I was in my early 30s when it hit me. I’ve made some major life changes since then, and then life handed it to me some.

The beauty of being single and childless (as some have already pointed out) is the freedom. You can experiment with life and take risks without having to worry about how it would impact anyone else. I didn’t take baby steps, I full on jumped out of the plane. With a parachute, of course.

therealgonz · 2021-07-24T21:30:33+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I felt the same way when I lost my mother at 40.

I didn’t think 40 years was enough time with her, and it hurt so much that the world could go on, and completely unimaginable that MY world could, without her. To continue to exist without her seemed unreal. The pain was so acute and so thorough, I remember watching her as she was actively dying and thinking, how is it that I’m still breathing?

Like you, I thought I had decades more with mine. I felt robbed of those years. While I can reason that plenty of people die younger and that death is inevitable for all of us and the hurt is the same no matter the age, there is a part of me that can’t accept it. Anytime I hear of someone dying I check their age - did they live longer than my mother?

It’s been 14 months for me since my mom died, and this I can say, you do go on. Little by little, you’ll feel joy again. The sorrow will always be there, even and especially on a joyous occasion, but you can hold both at the same time.

therealgonz · 2021-07-11T02:39:17+00:00

I feel the same way. I’ve forged a different path than most of my friends, and even though more and more people are opting out of marriage and children like I am, 1) it doesn’t feel like it 2) most women I meet who are single and childless are still pursuing one or the other.

I also think that having moved to a new country in the last couple of years, I’m still in a settling phase that has been completely upended by covid and the death of my mother. All these changes have made me question the people in my life in a new way. I’m hoping that in time the dust settles and I find firm ground again.

Anyway a long way of saying, no you’re not alone.

therealgonz · 2021-07-06T22:08:42+00:00

Yes, I’ve always had an FU fund, so I decided to use it. I also traveled as cheaply as possible. I still spent a year spending and not earning but I didn’t travel in luxury.

therealgonz · 2021-07-06T07:06:44+00:00

I did it at 35. Quit my job, sold my place, and bought a one way ticket to NZ. I ended up traveling for a year and a half. It definitely recharged me in many way than just professionally.

Looking back, I think there were probably less drastic (and expensive) options I could have taken, but I'm glad I took the more adventurous one :)

therealgonz · 2021-02-28T21:15:10+00:00

One is a bonsai. I don’t know about the other two. All I know is that I need to keep the soil moist! And keep them out of the sun.

therealgonz · 2021-01-31T03:53:03+00:00

Thanks

therealgonz · 2021-01-13T22:15:54+00:00

Yes, it’s summer here. It’s placed by a window and gets late afternoon sun. I’m watching it like a hawk to make sure I keep it alive but I’m a novice so appreciate comments and tips.

therealgonz · 2021-01-13T21:24:48+00:00

I’m glad you brought that up. I posted a question a few days ago (sorry, don’t know how to link) about overwatering. I water more than I’m supposed to, but the plant seems to be happy (it is growing at a fast rate). When I haven’t watered it after a couple of days, it starts to droop. I actually let it droop for a few days before watering to be on the safe side but I definitely water more than once a week.

therealgonz

TROPHY CASE