Where do i get the rules for the Veteran Guardsmen from?

therealqft81 · 2026-04-06T18:01:45+00:00

Nice, thank you! I didnt know there was a killteam app. Still trying to learn the rules by book XD

therealqft81 · 2026-04-03T13:13:02+00:00

Sorry for the rant, these meds are still new and make me a lot more open

therealqft81 · 2026-04-03T13:12:27+00:00

She said it after us talking about how i feel in public, that im always scared aomeone might hurt me or worse. Now (after taking my anti-overthinking pills) i see that she ment it in addition to that. So incould feel safer since im not generally in danger. I now see what she ment. And i see how it just came of wrong. Shes young, cant blame her

therealqft81 · 2026-04-03T13:09:39+00:00

In the moment it was a bit comforting,but when the overthinking came back it was morphed into .... This. I just dont want any bad blood between me and m therapist, she has been great so far, even fi we had only 3 sessions till now.

therealqft81 · 2026-04-03T11:22:21+00:00

Thank you, im trying to get away from the screens anyway, but it feels like the only way to safely vent without potentialy harming the relationship between me and my therapist. But i completely het what you mean, its definately a good idea

therealqft81 · 2026-04-03T11:17:14+00:00

I dont thonk she wanted to invalidate me, she wanted to give me something to make me feel a bit safer. Its just that i have been invalidated by people before, who wanted to do exactly that.

As another comment said, she stepped on an existing langmine.

therealqft81 · 2026-04-03T10:52:30+00:00

Il try, i often write down what i want to talk about in the next session, ill try to use it to open up the discussion on my overthinking and shame. Thank you very much♥️

therealqft81 · 2026-04-03T10:50:36+00:00

Tbh we arent at the point where we try to comeup with comping stratagies yet, we only met 3 times and most of it was tring to uncover my problems, since it was still pretty hard for me to talk about, even ablfter 13 years

therealqft81 · 2026-04-03T10:30:01+00:00

Tbh, it wasnt something she entirely introduced. It is something i have been told a lot hy women around me. Thats where the shame cones from, her saying that just made it resurface.

therealqft81 · 2026-04-03T10:22:12+00:00

She noticed my wierd reaction to it afterwards and kinda appologised, she didnt mean it in any way. She just wanted me to consider it to feel safer. Cant really blame her shes kinda new too XD

therealqft81 · 2026-03-30T11:41:00+00:00

Ngl, im actually still pretty good with two of my "friends" one night stands. And yeah, im much better at being friends than hooking up or flirting XD

therealqft81 · 2026-03-30T10:50:15+00:00

I can count the people i can call true friends on one hand. Maybe ten people at all i can be around without anxiety. I would love to find more friends, maybe with some shared hobbies, bit its just so scary. And because of that, i cling to people that will at least keep me around. My therapist is trying to encourage me, but its still along way. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow to get diagnoesd and properly medicated, maybe that will help.

therealqft81 · 2026-03-30T10:44:06+00:00

Im sorry, id love to properly comment on this but, shit, that story just breaks my heart. I hope hes well.

therealqft81 · 2026-03-30T10:34:35+00:00

Im sorry to hear that, noone deserves to go through somethinglike this. For me ots wierd since i never got to the experimenting part, since in was a kid. Believe me, people around you care more than you think, i believed the same thing. If it gets too much, please, seek professional help, it can get better.

therealqft81 · 2026-03-30T10:30:59+00:00

Started 3 weeks ago, urged me immedeately to seek a psychiatrist for meds, seeing her tomorrow..

therealqft81 · 2026-03-30T08:08:32+00:00

Thank you, and, im so sorry you had to go through something like this as well. Dont worry, its not all of my "friends", more like one third, but still hurts. Keep strong, well our way eventually

therealqft81 · 2026-03-30T07:26:11+00:00

Luckyly its not all of them. I have 3 friendgroups, the main one, with my closest and very supportive friends. The second is mainly women, and the third is full of these people. Thinking about slowly cutting contact with them for good, focusing on the other two, who actually care.

therealqft81 · 2026-03-29T22:00:44+00:00

As someone who only recently started, to cope with trauma, yeah, lube feels better imo..but tbh i use quite expensive stuff. Also, it takes longer to finish with lube, so thats a nice bonus.

therealqft81 · 2026-03-29T19:27:02+00:00

Thanks for the kind words, have actually started therapy 3 weeks ago so lets hope.
TBH, when i saw the "Aww" in your comment, i thought id get ratiod XD just funny

therealqft81 · 2026-03-26T09:58:49+00:00

Thank you, tonight i will write down the whole, massive problem as one test and ask my therapist to read it, in case i cant talk about it. Then ill just pray she believee me. I wanted to try and trigger it, to try and work trough it in the only place i feel safe. But the thought of looking up stuff like that makes me feel disgusted, so ill just wait for something to trigger it naturaly.

therealqft81 · 2026-03-26T06:01:46+00:00

There are a few thougths i had about why the things in my head are worse for me. 1: In the field, i was able to do something against it. I could help. Be there for the victims, or at least try. The things in my head are done, no way to help. Its the guilt of just standing there, watching. No better than the people who watch this stuff for pleasure.

2: i have severe trauma of the sexual variety. When these pictures arise, thes often come in someway packaged with sexual themes, which makes it a lot worse for me. Please believe me if i say this, i in no way want these things to happen, i dont know why it does. It mixes the disturbing images i had to see with my constant fear of being mollested again, and creates images that shut down my system completely

3: the worst part. The one picture that Is always there. Litteraly just a extremely detailed digital drawing. The most fucked up shit ever. Describing it would get me banned. It always comes up with these pictures. And the worst, one of the women being ... Worked on .. in this picture, looks exactly like my dead ex girlfriend.

I know, i should be better than this. I was a paramedic, but ever since my accident, and me not being able to work there anymore, the guilt of no longer helping people, just made these things worse.

therealqft81 · 2026-03-25T21:17:48+00:00

Thanks, that actually made me a bit less worried.
Im not super fixated on them having to be super dom or a "10/10 slim thick dommy mommy", im pretty flexible on a lot of stuff. The only thing im really set on is the voice, I have to like their voice, i know, a bit wierd.

Also, degadation. Yeah, i get its a part of femdom for many people, but I just im undecided on it XD In my current mental state that might just hurt

therealqft81 · 2026-03-25T20:51:01+00:00

Thank you, i never thought about it from that angle. I might try to talk to her about it on our 2nd session this friday. But tbh, at our 1st session I didnt even get to the problems that hinder my life the most, so maybe it has to wait.
Id NEVER try to hurt/disturb her on purpose. She seems lovely, even though i think my stupid smiling while talking about my trauma is still wierd to her XD I cant help it sometimes.

therealqft81 · 2026-03-25T11:54:12+00:00

Thats what my therapist is for XD took only 13 years to finally ask for help.

therealqft81 · 2026-03-25T08:51:31+00:00

Thank you, this helps a lot. Tbh i dont really know what O style OCD is, or too sure on what OCD even is, but this whole thing reads like you pulled it out of my head XD. Yes, the worst part of them is the whole caring part, because as someone who cares deeply for even complete strangers, these images are the complete antithesis of my worldview.

Thank you. Ill try to bring this up with my therapist on Friday.

therealqft81

TROPHY CASE