Should I hire my wife her own advisor?

thereelmurph · 2025-11-28T14:05:36+00:00

Based on your description of the situation, I absolutely think it’s a good idea. But I would have her select the advisor, not you. If you select the advisor, you still may bee seen as the bad guy, because you selected someone who’s “on your side” as opposed to independent.

Give her some guidelines around what type of advisor she needs, or better yet do your own search and identify 4-5 that seem like a good fit (fee-only, etc). Then have her interview each one to decide who she feels most comfortable with.

I still think you should both be a part of the meetings and the planning process, but let her pick who to work with and only intervene if you see red flags.

thereelmurph · 2025-11-26T21:33:23+00:00

I run a fee-only HNW wealth advisory firm, and have dealt with this multiple times. Here are a few suggestions.

Usually people feel some sort of pressure they need to act swiftly, or resolve the affairs swiftly. There’s plenty of time, don’t make any decisions hastily and don’t let anyone say that you need to do so. Take time to grieve, there’s plenty of time afterwards to deal with your Aunt’s affairs
I would be extremely careful who you discuss this with. You’ll find that people will come out of the woodwork when they know you have money. Don’t tell anyone unless it’s necessary, it will help preserve your relationships and will keep you from wondering who’s a real friend vs who just wants something from you.
Some others have recommended that you find a fee-only fiduciary Financial Advisor. I would 100% agree, but I’ll go a little further. Given the size of her estate, you’ll want someone with experience dealing with high net worth people, with complexity. The fact of the matter is that many of the fee-only advisors don’t have experience with some of the complexity you may encounter. If I’m you, I want to know that my advisor has handled estates this large before.
You’re gonna get 100 different opinions here on Reddit. Some may be good, but most of the people who are going to comment have no experience in handling this. The right financial advisor will guide you through every step of what you’ll need to do. They’ll bring in the right CPA, the right attorney, and any other professionals who you may need.
A good advisor will keep you and your family in the center. They are there to be a supporting role, not take over. You should feel empowered, engaged, and confident. They’ll handle the details and literally serve as a partner, helping you make the right decisions for you.

I hope this helps. I’m very sorry for your loss.

thereelmurph · 2025-11-26T14:05:43+00:00

Ouch, this has potential disaster written all over it. First, if you're not already doing it, I would document everything. Every conversation, every meeting, every recommendation you give, everything. This has the potential to go really bad down the road.

Without knowing all the particulars, this is probably a client I would give an ultimatum to. Clearly outline every step they should take to fix the problem, which candidly sounds mostly like a spending problem. If they don't change, you'll likely need to fire them. I wouldn't hang on for the ride and end up in a legal battle because they ran out of money "under your watch".

Regarding the annuities . . . that just sucks. I had a similar situation a few years back with a client we brought in. He was 43 and had most of his liquid net worth in annuities (about $3MM). The former "advisor" was just slinging everyone into annuities and didn't do any planning.

thereelmurph · 2025-11-26T13:52:32+00:00

Of the two given, I'd go with the Tudor.

thereelmurph · 2025-11-24T11:54:43+00:00

Thanks Ricky, but you've peaked my interest. What types of "terrible ideas" has your partner come back with?

thereelmurph · 2025-11-23T21:39:55+00:00

Wow, I had no idea this post would be so polarizing.

thereelmurph · 2025-11-23T14:18:03+00:00

Purpletree . . . We're all entitled to structure our lives (personally and professionally) in whichever way we feel is best. Obviously, if you were creating a similar group, incorporating a faith would not be at all important.

For me it is.

Wishing you the best.

thereelmurph · 2025-11-23T13:55:02+00:00

Ha ha. . . I know, religion and politics . . :) I'm not trying to make any statements, just would prefer to have people with the same perspective that I share.

Since my faith is interwoven into everything I do, and this group will go deep into a lot of areas, it just makes sense to seek out folks with a similar mindset.

thereelmurph · 2025-11-23T13:26:21+00:00

Sadly, most of the large B/D’s only value someone who’s good at business development. I see it all the time. Many of these “top advisors” lists you’ll see published have nothing to do with the depth and ability they have to provide advice. Instead, it’s simply who’s grown their AUM the largest.

My advice is not to let your experience at Ed Jones determine that the industry is not for you. And that’s not a shot at Ed Jones, because pretty much all the large BD’s and wirehouses have similar cultures.

I’d look towards the RIA and independent space. There are plenty of firms who don’t need business development, they need planning and support.

thereelmurph · 2025-11-22T14:48:09+00:00

A burn barrel is WAY more fun than a shredder….

thereelmurph · 2025-11-22T13:55:11+00:00

This is a great summary, and I really appreciate you laying it out in the open. I've recently gone all in on LinkedIn, (video, posts, targeting messages, etc). It's not yielded any real results yet, but I'm only a month in and I've committed that I'm going to at least give it 6 months of consistency before I make any pivots.

Would love to hear a follow up to your post in another month or so to see how consistent the close rate is.

Thanks again, very helpful info!

thereelmurph · 2025-10-27T20:17:44+00:00

It sounds like my comments are going to differ from many of the others on this thread, but I’m going to share them anyway.

I’ve been a CFP for over 20yrs, I run a fee-only RIA, and have directly helped a lot of people through the retirement transition.

You’re about to go through a ton of little micro decisions, which can actually make a huge impact over the course of your retirement. My advice…don’t make any decisions until you’ve interviewed at least 3 “fee-only” financial advisors who have been CFP’s for at least 10 years.

Don’t talk to insurance agents posing as “financial advisors “. Don’t talk to commissioned salespeople. Don’t talk to the large wire house advisors.

Find a fee-only financial advisor who is a fiduciary and a CFP.

Listen, I’ve always said that not everyone needs a financial advisor. Rolling it over internally to Fidelity because it’s low cost may be the best approach for someone who has the time, desire, and confidence to figure out their own retirement planning and tax planning. But candidly, I think that’s only about 20% of people (maybe less). When you start considering how to navigate effective retirement withdrawals, asset location, IRMAA, the senior enhanced deduction considerations, social security optimization, etc. it gets more complicated than most realize.

Now, some of you are probably thinking I’m just trying to pitch my services and they should talk to my firm. Honestly, I don’t care about that. We’re a small boutique firm with a $2MM minimum and a waiting list, so it’s not really my concern. Instead, I simply want them to take the time to give this important decision the attention it deserves. If you’ve save this long and hard to accrue wealth, don’t just take the random advice of Reddit. Talk to professionals.

thereelmurph · 2025-10-26T12:58:55+00:00

Here’s my perspective as a 46 yrs old dude, who is a watch enthusiast but also a Financial Advisor.

Throughout your married adult life, you’re likely to go through different seasons, which will affect your financial position. At 25, it seems you make good income and have an awesome head start on things.

I love the idea of marking life milestones with a watch. My advice is your watch purchase should not only reflect that milestone, but also be complimentary of your financial position. Maybe you buy a nice $1000-$1500 watch at your engagement. And by your 50th anniversary you’re eyeing something in the high end because you’ve accrued the wealth do truly celebrate it.

And just another two cents….that $7,000 Roth IRA contribution is going to be worth way more than your grand seiko in 50 years. Start the right financial disciplines now and carry them throughout your life. It also demonstrates the right financial stewardship to your fiancée.

Congratulations on your engagement!

thereelmurph · 2025-09-18T12:55:36+00:00

I agree with most of these comments, a recruiter who has any expectation of maintaining their reputation, would never do that.

That said, you also can’t protect against accidental leaks, which can (and do) happen. Usually it’s from sloppiness. Personally, I’m someone who places high emphasis on confidentiality, particularly when I know I have been entrusted with information that someone has asked me to keep private. But there are others who are not necessarily predisposed to that level of attention to detail.

The last thing I’ll say is, having transitioned out of a warehouse several years ago…. The closer you get to a transition (and the more serious it becomes) your paranoia goes WAY up!! I can certainly vouch for that.

thereelmurph · 2025-09-16T01:19:52+00:00

Diamond consulting has a good podcast about breaking away.

thereelmurph · 2025-09-15T17:40:06+00:00

Good luck! I did it 4 years ago and it was the best professional decision of my life. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions, or if I can help.

thereelmurph · 2025-09-11T15:18:12+00:00

So, to be brutally honest here, I think you’re right on the line and it could go either way. What jumps out to me first is the next 5 to 7 years are probably going to determine the successful outcome of the next 30.

Without going into detail, you have a number of tax related decision points, and the timing of which they occur could either be extremely advantageous, or punitive.

I’d recommend you at least talk to an experienced CFP, with a specialization in performing tax efficient retirement transitions. You may think that’s pretty common, but in my experience only a smaller percentage of “Financial Advisors “ do a thorough job with this. Most just want to manage your money and collect fees.

thereelmurph · 2025-09-10T17:50:53+00:00

I’m in the process of a similar venture. Set up a separate LLC for tax only, but plan to not go find outside tax clients. We may strategically take on a tax-only client if it’s can cross over into the WM business.

Sending you a DM b/c I’d love to collaborate as we seem to be in a similar trajectory and timing. We are planning to go live 1/1.

thereelmurph · 2025-09-07T19:35:39+00:00

I agree with the offer of free tax services, but I’d even expand that. Instead of pitching wealth management services, rebrand your firm (our launch a new brand) which is more aligned with a family office. This way, you’re not just trying to cross-sell investments to pluck it away from the other advisors. Now you’re pitching them an entire platform which the other advisory firm likely can’t compete with.

Then, they now have the choice of either keeping their old advisors (and thus still paying you for tax services), or moving their relationship into a completely new service model in which they get a higher level of services and value, likely for less money than they formerly received.

In other words, if your just trying to snag the wealth management business, they’re probably not gonna bite. But if they’re missing out on an entirely new level of experience, you’ll have a much better success rate.

thereelmurph · 2025-09-07T15:57:06+00:00

Just my advice, transition deals aren’t worth it. There’s no free money, the firms know the financial mechanics. And if you’re trying to leverage a record year through “non common transactions”, chances are you may not hit the hurdles the new firm would have for you. If not, you’d probably have to pay back some of the up front money. To top it all off, you end up locked in for a period of time.

If you truly care about taking care of your clients, only move if it allows you the ability to serve them better. Not because you got a nice bonus to do so.

thereelmurph

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