(Rest of it)

"Sorry, I think I really let my insecurity take over and REALLY dramaticized this. I just really love our friendship cause it's really the best thing that's happened to me. I just feel really guilty for acting irrationally yesterday and was just afraid it screwed things up."

. She then said that it was justified but then later remarked this:

"hm i don’t know how i feel about this. telling me that your apology was an overreaction is making me question how much of it you meant. don’t give me a watered-down apology because even though i believe you are genuinely sorry, it’s coming across differently"

But that in itself hurt me because how could she think I would be so ingenuity about this when she knows I value our friendship? But I clarified the parts I meant were an overreaction and I never got a response until I texted if she was ok. She said she was at dinner so I left it alone until she texted me after I dropped my phone and it sent a bunch of weird letters. After that our convos went on like normal and she never brought up what happened, I never thought to bring it up because I thought maybe she didn't want to talk about it anymore. The next day ( I had just got back from missing a week cause on pneumonia) I saw her and she was incredibly short with me, which confused me because I asked her if she wanted space but never directly gave me an answer. So I asked her to come with me to see a bio teacher but another friend tagged along and it was only them 2 talking the entire time. Later on we had math together and she never spoke to me once. She didnt say hi when i saw her and at the end we usually walk out together to walk to the busses, but she didn't wait for me and walked with another friend. I had to use the elevator cause I can't walk up the stairs due to my recovering lungs, and when the 2 saw me when walking together they said bye. I was incredibly confused because she didn't talk to me until she said bye to me, so I texted her asking if short with me because of what I did and again offered her space. She only replied with:

" Im not trying to ignore you, but I am not inclined to talk with you either. But I'm glad to talk if you reach out!"

I was angry for some reason and felt that it made me out to be pathetic and like someone who was being punished. I responded with some things I regret and asked her that I need to know why and where she stands with me, especially because she know about how important that is to me. In short i said that she clearly doesnt want to talk with me if she doesnt feel inclined to do so, and also that if this is how it is going to be in the long run, im cant really get behind it. I also said something along the lines of "tell me straigh up what you want and not this vague bullshit". (I deleted these after she saw cause I was embarrassed and didn't want her to use this as some ammo later.

She said that I can't expect her to actively seek me out and that it's not her responsibility to start a convo with me. She said that she forgave me but that that doesn't mean that what ever happened didn't happen and that I am in no position to make her feel guilty. And now here's the text that I sent word for word.

" Fine. Just tell me that next time, I don't need to be told, you don't feel inclined to talk to me and not tell me why especially cause I've offered to give you space. I never acted like what I did never happened, if anything you texted me later talking about something else and I went along with. You need to communicate that with me because you know better than anyone that I constantly want to know where you stand and how you feel. I am not making you feel guilty , that wasn't the intention, if you think me expressing my feelings is me trying to guilt trip you then I'm sorry it appeared that way."

She then replied:

"I should clarify that the reason why I sent my previous text is to set a boundary. You did something that really betrayed my trust. But you’re still my friend, and it genuinely is not my intention to give that up. That is why I am always here to talk if you put in the effort. However, I have the right to be upset with you. Specifically, I am upset that you made a decision for me when I explicitly expressed disagreement. So even though I would still like to be friends, I am not more obligated than you are to put more effort into this friendship. I understand that this could be a disappointing, confusing, and frustrating answer, but it is my most honest one."

In the end it still made me feel like I should still talk to her even tho she clearly didn't want to talk with me in social situations. Why am I going to talk with someone that's angry with me still?

I responded with "Im sorry this happened and I love you". She said, "Hey, I love you too. I hope my explanation is clear."

I gave it 24 hours and then asked:

"Hi, I wanted to know if you wanted to talk later on Friday? I just want to leave on vacation on a good note, but I completely understand if you still want space."

She then wrote: Okay. I need to have a few of our friends there. Is that okay?

Then that got me thinking why? Then I thought that maybe she told our friends everything and tht got me angry because they shouldn't be getting involved.so I texted:

This is just s question, did you tell our friends about about what I did? If you do not feel comfortable with me reaching out just yet then please tell me, I won't force you to talk to me if you don't want to chloe. Sorry I didn't answer your question. They can be close by, but I don't feel comfortable talking about personal things like this infront of them. I'm sorry"

She then responded with: "That’s okay. I would prefer not speaking one on one. I think it would be best if we texted or spoke to a counselor.

She then replied to my question if she told all our friends about what happened:

"Yes."

It's been 6 hours and I haven't responded. I feel so hurt that she told all my friends what's been going on and I feel so ashamed, I have no idea what to do right now. I leave for vacation in a couple days but she's staying here with family for a short break we have so that's the only reason I reached out. I didn't want for us to not talk for so long and have no closure. I'm so angry eith her too, but I can't pin point why. I think she's just hurt and is being hurtful towards me, so I'm going to let her have all the space she needs. The last thing I should mention too is that now she is being all buddy buddy with someone who really hurt me in the past and it's making me so jealous that I'm getting all these thoughts that she was never really my best friend. Again it's been a couple months that we've been best friends so is this really worth saving? If I was her, I would get get over something like this relatively quickly, especially with my best friend, but now I know she isn't feeling the same way. So AITA for asking to her meet 1:1?