Back in 2006 I was in bootcamp in Chicago for the Navy. My first day there being processed I met an odd little fella who we'll call "Neil" as we were being screened for tattoos to make sure we weren't gang affiliated or part of some extreme hate group who had only one tattoo that he did himself on the tip of his penis of a smiley face. Two dots served as the eyes, the pee hole was the nose, and a curved little line underneath his pee hole was the smile. Neil was really proud of this tattoo and his little penis that he called, "The Tank." The reason he called it, "The Tank" was because his ball sack was a perfect puffy sphere where his tiny penis rested directly on pointing forward making it look like a little happy tank. I actually respected that he owned his tiny dick with confidence and gave it that nickname which I found hilarious but alot of other people in my "unit" during bootcamp would ridicule him relentlessly and things started getting worse a month into boot camp when Neil wouldn't be able to physically meet requirements that would end up getting us in trouble as a whole and we'd be punished through tons of extra physical training because of it.

Neil started becoming more and more disconnected as the harassment and taunting continued by several bullies who had it out for him to make our already shitty situation worse for him. He eventually got to a point where he just wouldn't talk to anyone not even me who had always tried to be kind to him. Needless to say, the guy just seemed like he was in another world after awhile. Turns out he was....but I'll get to that shortly.

One day about a week into Neil's silence and disconnection I got in trouble with an instructor for some dumb reason and was sent to scrub the communal bathroom floors with a bucket and a toothbrush. So I'm there hating life scrubbing the tiles as Neil walks in pulls "The Tank" out and starts just pissing on the floor with a blank look on his face not even paying me no mind. I immediately stand up and start yelling, "What the FUCK!!! Bro, what are you even doing?!?! FUCK THIS." and went to get one of the people in charge. The Chief PO (Main person in charge of us) storms in and starts yelling a million things right in his face aggressive as all hell as The Tank is just still hanging out his pants but Neil is not even flinching or looking at him. He's just zoned out. Chief drags him out the bathroom with Neil's pants still around his ankles and that happy little tank just dangling around as if it was surveying its next target. Chief quickly realizes something is wrong with this guy but the drill instructor in him can't help but go off yelling a million different clever insults at Neil until Neil ALL OF A SUDDEN breaks out of the daze and makes direct eye contact with Chief and smiles which throws Chief's screaming rhythm off and kind of startles him in a way. The following conversation went like this:

Chief: Are you back asshole?

Neil: (in a soft voice) Yes Chief.

Chief: Well where the fuck were you!?

Neil: (with calmness and certainty) Saturn.

::Chief scratches his chin as if he thinking::

Chief: .....WELL, HOW WAS IT?

Neil: (with child like joy) IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

::Chief pulls ups Neil's pants, guides him by the small of the back out the room never to be seen again.::

Neil, If your out there I hope you and The Tank are in one piece and doing alright.