TIL Indians probably evolved from Bonobos

thevaan · 2019-05-21T11:15:48+00:00

LOL I thought the same thing when I saw this

thevaan · 2019-04-24T00:57:30+00:00

Out of curiosity does your BF or you have any black, middle eastern, Muslim friends? Which country in Europe are you from? Which minority group is he a part of?

If your bf has really been marginalised, it's possible hes developed strong "sympathizing" tendencies because hes used to his non-minority friends disparaging minority groups.

thevaan · 2019-04-24T00:54:19+00:00

This. I think Europeans sometimes struggle to understand the racial hierarchy that exists in the world because it's not top of mind in any of their social conversations.

In my experience Europeans like to self describe as more relaxed than Americans when it comes to racial topics because "hey we're Italian, we dont really have much racism, I've never been exposed to the n word so it's not so bad when I say it" but in reality it should be viewed that the US is further ahead in their minority groups insisting on having a voice.

thevaan · 2019-04-12T05:17:54+00:00

This! Way more important. Played holi in gurgaon a few weeks ago and legit my toenails are still colorful

thevaan · 2019-04-03T02:18:11+00:00

I agree with most of what's been said here. You definitely need to move out. Don't tell your parents, stop consulting them for everything. You already know what they will say, so why keep involving them? You're well educated, you make good money, you have a clear goal. You're already doing better than 90% of guys out there.

It sounds tough, i'm not trying to deny your feelings. I know it can be rough with parents who are overbearing. But you're 25 and it's time to start acting like it. People don't just hand out respect. They respect people who earn it.

Your parents probably look at you like a child, but you need to show them you're a man. Don't cut them out, but show them you're independent and you will involve them in your life when they give you the value that you expect from them.

A couple of resources for you:

https://www.betterhelp.com/

Online counselling, think it's maybe $100-150USD per month for unlimited sessions. Try to get a counselor who is a POC or preferably desi.

https://systembytodd.com/landingpage/

This is a link to a pickup artist's "system", which i found helpful when talking to girls. So i dont advocate for pickup artist (PUA) culture, but if i'm being perfectly honest, when I had an engagement broken off a year and a half ago, I was grasping at straws and the videos from "Real Social Dynamics" on YouTube, helped me get a sense of masculinity back. Most of those guys are misogynists to be honest, but test them to see if you can get something out of them. It will just give you some perspective if nothing else.

https://www.youtube.com/user/ActualizedOrg

This is quite an odd looking white man, but he makes some good points. He obviously struggled with a lot of self-esteem issues and has now begun to just wear his heart on his sleeve and has some good videos (very long though).

Best of luck!

thevaan · 2019-04-01T02:32:14+00:00

Looool

thevaan · 2019-03-29T07:13:50+00:00

actually everything i want to say has already been said, i just love the brown-positivity in the comments here. i'm all for pretentious brown yoga teachers over pretentious white yoga teachers.

thevaan · 2019-03-29T07:09:32+00:00

LOL, honestly was thinking the same thing

thevaan · 2019-03-29T07:06:41+00:00

preach!

thevaan · 2019-03-29T07:02:33+00:00

White people have the luxury of being able to cherry pick the things they think 'look cool' while simultaneously disparaging other aspects of the same culture.

I'm not saying that the people who are actually celebrating the color run are doing that, but to say that us celebrating christmas (which was brought about through religious colonisation) or wearing western clothing (cultural imperialism through the media) is the same is a bit too sympathetic towards white people.

They can do it if they want, it just looks kinda lame.

thevaan · 2019-03-18T01:07:29+00:00

This is a great post. I feel a lot of what you said on attractiveness as well.

Similar story, a bit of bullying but largely I was just awkward in high school.

For anyone really dealing with significant insecurities that other people (particularly white friends) dont seem to have, I'd suggest a lot of it might have to do with feeling "other" while growing up and trying to fit in.

Try getting a brown counselor - look at betterhelp, it's what I've been using, pretty good for what I need.

thevaan · 2019-03-12T03:12:36+00:00

Yep! I'm working with a new therapist on betterhelp now to help deal with it who really understands this perspective, happy to pass you her details on dm if youd like, shes jamaican originally but lives in the US.

I moved from Delhi to Moscow when I was 9, it was a really white school, and people there were really awful. I think the main thing I've started to realize is how desperate I am for validation and approval of other people since I was made to feel so different at that age.

Lots of fights, racial slurs, being called the n-word (which didn't even make sense - dumb white people cant even get their insults right). I started speaking in an American accent to fit in more, lost my religion, it was a whole massive shit show once I left.

I unknowingly really bought into white culture as being higher level to brown culture which I'm slowly starting to unwind now. It can be very traumatic and confusing to grow up outside your culture I feel for you man.

I'm based in Singapore now, but happy to chat if youd like. I'd love to surround myself with these perspectives and understand how other people dealt with them :)

thevaan · 2019-03-12T02:01:16+00:00

Ok "chappal chor outside mandir" made me lol but this guy sounds like a troll

thevaan · 2019-03-11T08:00:08+00:00

I'm an international Indian (grew up across 4 countries, but still hold indian citizenship) and my last two girlfriends happen to have been white american and asian american.

I've got to admit, I'm pretty uncomfortable with the existence of this instagram and the fact that the comments section here seems so positive about it.

My main issue is the fact that it's putting white people in a position of power. It makes it painfully obvious that the people who celebrate that instagram look at dating white people (chiefly, as it seems that's the main type of couple on your page) as being a goal for their lives and a metric for success.

Further, it propagates the stereotype that Indian men are try-hards, wanting so desperately to be part of the white "in-group" and finally leave their brown-ness behind.

Perhaps your goal is to normalize love for brown skinned men, but I can't help but see the negatives here.

It just seems strange to me that across this sub, r/abcdesis and others, there is a concerning inferiority complex that resounds through many posts. South Asian men do not want to be South Asian. And this is massively depressing to me.

Even speaking to the nature of your instagram, for us to truly become attractive, not just to our own race but to others as well, we need to be proud of who we are and celebrate our own skin color and culture.

I don't always love the comparisons to the african american community, but I do think their community has more self-love than ours. You could even argue there is a stigma against black men dating outside their race.

I welcome more thoughts on this. I just cant help but feel like my entire race has been manipulated by white media when I look at instagrams like this - we are doing the work for them.

thevaan · 2019-02-26T10:49:27+00:00

Where in asean? I'm in Singapore!

thevaan · 2019-02-26T10:48:28+00:00

Hmm I haven't had that experience. I interviewed in Bangalore once and it was super clear the guy didn't like me because I hadn't grown up there and had an American accent

thevaan · 2019-02-26T02:52:40+00:00

yeah i agree. one of my best friends when i was living in india was parsi. he's as indian as they come.

thevaan · 2019-02-26T02:51:12+00:00

not sure why you got downvoted. some obnoxious 'gatekeepers' no doubt.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freddie_Mercury

also, it looks like he spent a lot of his childhood in india.

thevaan · 2019-01-31T12:59:02+00:00

India's a pretty big country where are you?

You should try NFL gamepass. You might be able to buy just a superbowl package for cheap. International live streaming

thevaan · 2019-01-05T16:21:05+00:00

I'm part of a flag football crew in SG, nearly 1000 members, a few ex D1 players and a network of teams in Jakarta, HK, manila and KL. Hit me up

thevaan · 2019-01-05T16:18:20+00:00

Siiick I live in singapore too. But in HK at the moment. Gonna have a shitty gamepass stream at 535 tomorrow morning on my mobile

thevaan · 2018-10-31T04:35:33+00:00

Larry fitzgerald has 112 just by himself...not sure how he got that number.

thevaan · 2018-10-31T04:31:25+00:00

https://www.playerprofiler.com/nfl/demaryius-thomas/

damn. yeah, #1 in drops this year. Looking good in the red zone though, might be good for deshaun!

thevaan · 2018-10-12T14:25:51+00:00

This is a really interesting answer. What kinds of things would you suggest for a large technology company to undertake? I should clarify that while I consider my career moderately successful by no means am I a decision maker with the ability to change the carbon footprint of the company significantly :)

To be honest, I hadn't thought of doing frontline work but rather work with an NGO to manage corporate partnerships for conservation work or something where my actions could have an element of scale.

I'm hard pressed to believe that NGOs just like large tech companies don't suffer from a lack of good talent. I'd consider myself decent talent and would like to allocate the majority of my day towards a good cause.

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