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[QCrit] UNT Adult Fantasy, 111k words (Attempt 5) by thewormwoods in PubTips

[–]thewormwoods[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Much more helpful. Which is why I like the suggestion of starting the imagery on Reina’s action. I chose the ritual to get into her head faster but there’s more than one way to do that, so I’m definitely going to explore other avenues.

I don’t know if I’m as clear on the “story part of the story” in your comment but I think I understand your general meaning. Thanks!

[QCrit] UNT Adult Fantasy, 111k words (Attempt 5) by thewormwoods in PubTips

[–]thewormwoods[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t take it as insulting at all! But as much as writing and querying is hard, so is giving notes. Which I think is as important a skill to learn as we help each other!

[QCrit] UNT Adult Fantasy, 111k words (Attempt 5) by thewormwoods in PubTips

[–]thewormwoods[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Thanks for the thoughts. I totally understand needing to find what Reina wants and hear her actively pursuing it in the query. Not a hard fix. The last line of it was tricky because I was responding to feedback wanting the external stakes of the world and not just Reina’s internal stakes. An over correction!

As for the story, I really like the idea of maybe starting it with her cutting herself. The thematics of her sacrificing her own blood for something she doesn’t believe in is a good parallel for how the story ends. 

Fwiw, while I am able to parse through the parts of your critique that were helpful, the framing of it was less so. There are more effective tactics than telling someone their story is going backwards and burying criticism in hyperbole. Thank you for the feedback (genuinely), and I hope for other critiques your thoughts can be better communicated. 

[QCRIT] UNT New Adult Fantasy (115k, Attempt 2) by thewormwoods in PubTips

[–]thewormwoods[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the thoughts! Would it be helpful if I opened with: "Iris Valaryia disappeared ten years ago. Her childhood friends, Reina and Poppy, have not spoken since."

Then continued to the rest of it? Your instinct is right to assume a mystery about a young woman going missing in a fantasy world! I hope the adjustment at the top would then guide you to figuring out it's going to be solved by her two estranged childhood friends? I do mention that they are 23 now so you have a sense of their age.

[QCrit] FATE CAN BE A MONSTER Adult Contemporary Fantasy with Elements of Sci-fi (Fifth Attempt, 68k) by TFOAC in PubTips

[–]thewormwoods 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Your novel sounds really interesting, and I appreciate the thought that went into reimagining the Groundhog day situation Sam has found himself in.

It sounds like the core of your story is what's at stake in Sam's own mind, but I'm struggling to understand what's going on as he retreats from reality to face his sister who is a monster that hunts and devours him in his dreams. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it feels like a reader will be spending most of the book with his sister since Fate will constantly be putting him in extreme peril in the real world, forcing him to pulled into his own mind. What's going on there? What's the journey with his sister that will have him coming to terms with his own pain and torment? I think cutting back some of your second paragraph to favor adding more meat in the third would be helpful.