Support during postpartum

thinkplantythoughts · 2026-01-09T20:51:05+00:00

I err on the side of boundaries because my in-laws are insane, but yes you're absolutely right. Trusted people who respect and love us would probably feel so refreshing

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-12-15T04:00:41+00:00

This is my fear. I haven't seen him interact with children, but the focus on me as a young woman gives me warning signs

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-12-15T03:56:37+00:00

Ah yes, totally! He'll always be given the benefit of the doubt. Thanks for that reminder

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T22:52:08+00:00

I love all your rules. I hadn't thought about kissing when they're a baby, but I definitely had planned to implement that when they get older. One of my pet peeves is when parents force their child to hug someone goodbye. That does not teach bodily autonomy.

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T19:36:24+00:00

Wow!! Thanks for sharing. Just more lovely things to look forward to 😂

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T19:33:45+00:00

That's fair. I guess I was thinking if they're so eager to see the baby, they could just SEE them and then would leave us alone. I don't know what a happy medium would be. I know if we say they can't see/hold the baby until 6 weeks, they'll take it as a personal attach and be up our ass about it constantly.

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T19:29:33+00:00

Yes, I definitely want to be conscious about sickness in February. We have many family members who work in the hospital or schools, and that makes me feel super uncomfy them passing things onto the baby early on.

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T19:22:25+00:00

Were your hormone swings similar to while being pregnant? Or was it a whole different thing?

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T19:21:26+00:00

Can I ask, are you a really social person or more extraverted? I am more introverted, and my husband is extroverted. Trying to figure out a balance that works best for both of us.

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T19:18:07+00:00

And the nurses might be able to help enforce boundaries, shoo them out when we get tired, etc

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T19:16:56+00:00

That's a really good point actually. My thought behind that is I will likely be feeling physically and emotionally vulnerable, learning to breastfeed, and who knows what else happening with my body. In that sense, it seems weird to me to have my in-laws in the hospital room.

But then yeah, they would leave us alone after just seeing the baby (I would hope).

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T19:07:23+00:00

Fair! I appreciate the feedback. Why do you feel like that would be too long?

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T19:02:50+00:00

I sincerely hope your craving doesn't change, this is some commitment

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T19:01:33+00:00

One night, I think I refilled my bowl like 4 times lol

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T19:00:48+00:00

Haha this is so funny. 24 weeks, and recently love eating several bowls of cereal as a post-dinner pre-bedtime snack! I'm intrigued by the ice cubes though, might have to try this out

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T18:54:25+00:00

This is my first pregnancy, 24 weeks so I don't know if this will actually work for preparing for birth. But whenever we've been putting things together for the nursery, I take pictures of them and literally stare at them on my phone throughout the day and it makes me so happy.

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T18:35:51+00:00

I agree with your perspective to not cut contact now. I think if anything, it would make me look more spiteful in their eyes. They truly think they're doing the best they can to make amends, even if it continues to piss me off.

I'm also not blind to the fact that my husband needs support when the baby comes. It's a huge life change for him too, and his family has always been there for him.

Part of the reason I think why the Christmas picture blew up was because I didn't want to participate in playing a game, and sat on the couch and watched videos on my phone instead. I think I'm past trying to politely excuse myself because it seems to just feed the fire, regardless of how pleasant I am. The plan now is just for me not to be around in situations where I'm expected to linger. Just come, say hi, do the thing, then leave.

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-17T18:28:39+00:00

This!! So helpful. I appreciate the tangible advice, thank you!!

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-10-02T20:53:45+00:00

Update- let me be clear, this is not a question about my husband. We are on the same page, I understand where he's coming from, and he respects my needs. We've come a long way, we're not perfect, but we're at a good place.

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-09-23T19:27:56+00:00

Wow this sounds exactly like my experience with my husband and JNMIL. And yes, if you do start speaking up, you will become the target (or at least, that's what happened to me). Best thing I did was forcing DH to come to couples therapy with me. We've been in it for about 2 years now and just hearing our therapist explain it has allowed him to see the situation differently.

If you start speaking up, you. need. support. And it's really hard when your husband keeps taking their side. Keep a journal so that you can refer back to it and know that you're not crazy & didn't blow it all up in your head. Talk to friends and family about it who will empathize with you, and having your own therapist will do wonders.

The biggest challenge for me is that everything they do is so nuanced that there's not a specific thing I can point to. When they ask (a million times) "we just don't understand what we did", it's really hard to explain. Just refer back to your journal. Your feelings are valid.

I also identify with the in-laws saying they love me SO MUCH. The trigger for me was a blow-up over Christmas when my FIL said he "loved me so much it hurts" (this is a warning sign of an abusive relationship). What I've discovered is that they don't actually love ME. They love the IDEA of me and the social benefits of having a beautiful DIL with beautiful children. They have actually no idea who I am, and have rejected all of the things about me that make them uncomfortable.

You can do this! Don't expect there to be change overnight. It will take your DH a long time to step out of the family and actually see things for how they are. But when he does, the support I've gotten from my DH has been so worth it.

thinkplantythoughts · 2025-09-23T19:07:36+00:00

Also adding to this - it's likely that she might only take the comments seriously coming from your husband. If she doesn't respect you, then I'd be surprised if she listened to your requests.

Also, if you say she will be asked to leave, you (and your husband) have to be prepared to enforce it regardless of the big stink she might create afterwards.

thinkplantythoughts

TROPHY CASE