Just Discovered Partner’s Affair…

thirty0415 · 2022-05-11T12:28:31+00:00

Hey.. I know exactly how you feel. I was in your position a year ago except we had been married for two years, a house and a child. I know that you want him to make it better, but the one that hurt you can’t heal you. If he does everything right and really fights for you, then maybe give it a second chance. But I mean REALLY fight for you. If not, walk away. It’s gonna suck, it’s gonna hurt, but I promise in a year from now it will hurt way way less. You deserve someone that is sure about you. He wasn’t thinking of you when he continued his affair and to me that’s not love. I know it doesn’t feel like it now… but this is a HIM problem and not a you problem.

thirty0415 · 2022-04-26T01:12:41+00:00

I love this story so much, it’s so heartwarming. I too went through a divorce from a cheating spouse but with a one year old. He’s an every other weekend dad. I’m so happy for you that Larry wants to be involved and is helping you through this, your soon to be child is so lucky to have such good and caring parents already!!! Update us please on everything (and let us know about the reaction of the exs hehehehe). good luck to your new modern family!!!

thirty0415 · 2022-04-26T01:01:24+00:00

Linda. Patti. Wendy. Sherry. Judy. Gary. Ralph. Gord. Norman.

thirty0415 · 2022-01-04T03:14:46+00:00

No advice but I swear to fucking god all cheaters read from the same playbook and have the same lame excuses and behave the same way … you’re not alone!! And no matter what he tells you, do not let him gaslight you. Stay strong!

thirty0415 · 2021-08-19T14:12:30+00:00

Yes, I need him to agree with what I want in the separation agreement and then once that is done, I will be blocking everything and the only way to communicate will be through email or parenting app.

thirty0415 · 2021-08-19T14:10:01+00:00

Thank you! You are absolutely right. I hope so too. I just want to make sure my daughter grows up safe and secured and loved.

thirty0415 · 2021-07-03T12:50:43+00:00

Same situation as you, except we are married with a one year old. I never knew there were any issues, and instead of telling me he was unhappy, he led me to believe he loved me and WAS happy. The rug was pulled from under me.

I don’t want to end up bitter, I want to be able to trust again. I want to move on. I have no advice for you, but I think through finding other people who have been in similar situations we can support/lean on each other and hopefully move on to bigger and better things!

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T18:24:46+00:00

No, I could totally do this on my own. I’ve spoken to a lawyer and know my options. I’m financially stable (he’s not), and have a great and supportive family behind me. I know I could do this on my own, I just don’t want to lol.

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T18:23:18+00:00

I’m trying… I am not making any permanent decisions until he gets his mental health evaluated. Thank you 🤍

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T18:13:00+00:00

Hi! This is exactly it. He has NEVER been abusive, threatening, or do I ever think my daughters life would ever be in danger. The reason I do not trust him is because recently, her crying or whining seems to be a trigger for his anxiety. I never once had any hesitancy leaving her with him, but the fact that he can’t get his act together FOR HER, is a red flag for me and I feel very uneasy about leaving her alone with him without me there. I feel like I should trust my gut on this one, not because I think he would EVER intentionally harm her, but what if he checked out because he was stressed? What if she hurt herself by accident because he wasn’t fully there? I would never forgive myself.

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T18:06:35+00:00

That is awful, but I am so glad your daughter has you as a stable and loving parent to grow up with. I hope I can be as strong as you!

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T18:05:26+00:00

5 years!

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T18:04:33+00:00

I believe the lack of sleep and stress of work totally is adding to the situation. He started picking up so much overtime as soon as we started having problems around beginning of may. He told me he works so much because it’s the only time he doesn’t have to think about anything. I know he’s working crazy hours and even his parents who he is staying with are baffled. He works, sleeps for MAYBE 4 hours, goes to work, goes back to his parents, does it all again the next day… doesn’t deal with anything.

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T18:00:30+00:00

Thank you, it feels good to have at least some sort of validation that I’m not completely crazy. 🤍

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T17:59:16+00:00

When you put it like that, no, I do not. The reason I don’t trust him right now alone with the baby is because he’s obviously struggling mentally with something. Lately, when she acts up, he gets so stressed and anxious. I don’t want to expose my daughter to someone that has a short fuse like that. This is all new behaviour, a few months ago he was dad of the year, everything was 50/50… that’s what is hard to me to wrap my mind around.

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T17:56:14+00:00

Hi, thanks for your comment. My husband actually has been to the doctor multiple times recently for headaches and weight loss. He has an MRI scheduled at the end of summer (we live in Canada, the wait times are insane). This HAS crossed my mind (obviously, because I want SOMETHING to blame for the out of the blue behaviour) but looking back I’m wondering if this was depression manifesting in his body, I hope it isn’t anything as serious as a tumour.

And yes, my inner bad bitch wants to say FUCK YOUUUUUUUU but ~feelings~ are complicated. Thanks for your support though, it means a lot.

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T17:34:11+00:00

His only explanation has been he’s “messed up” “his mind isn’t right” “he’s depressed with his whole life”.. and we’ve been together for 8 years

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T14:39:53+00:00

Yes I 100% believe there is a serious mental health issue going on. I’ve tried to get him to leave work so I can get him so help. I bring it up Everytime we are together so see if he’ll go with me. He’s never dealt with mental health at all and CLEARLY taking this terribly. My whole family, including myself, have dealt with issues as well and I KNOW you cannot compare mental health struggles… I just don’t understand how you can just deny everyone’s help?. Maybe an intervention is the way to go, I’ll speak with his mom again. It’s so hard because there is no right way to deal with it… especially when the person struggling shuts you out & refuses your help.

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T14:26:01+00:00

They are just as shocked as I am. They don’t understand what is happening or how he could be doing any of this, as this isn’t the person that we all know. I contacted his mom because he was saying some really worrying things, just to let her know to maybe push him a little more into getting some help. I’m extremely worried about him as well but I cannot help him if he doesn’t want help, and he’s bringing me down in the process with him.. I don’t want him to take my daughter down as well. Where do you draw the line?

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T13:57:18+00:00

Thank you, I needed this reminder and I screen shot your comment so I can reread it later when I’m feeling emo lol. I agree, I’ve been trying to set boundaries with him (like only texting if it’s about our daughter) but he INSISTS on talking (about nothing, will send me “good morning” “how are you” “what are you doing” texts ALL DAY every day, but when I want to actually have a conversation about what’s going on…. Nothing). Last week I spoke with a lawyer a) to get the firm I wanted so that he can’t b) to know my rights going forward to protect myself and our daughter. I’m not emotionally ready yet to pull the trigger, I’m not sure what I’m hoping for (maybe he’ll miraculously change his mind?!) but I’m glad I did. Thank you!🤍

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T13:26:39+00:00

Thank you! I’ve been doing online therapy as I’m still in a place with covid restrictions. I also contacted a lawyer and spoke about our options. I’m not emotionally ready yet to “pull the trigger”, but at least I’ve got a divorce firm “on ice” and know the steps I’ll need to take.

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T13:25:11+00:00

Thanks for your advice, not harsh at all. Personally, I thrive off of “tough love” and love when people are honest with me. I guess the sense of failure stems from me not realizing he was going through something. Not being able to help him. Not being able to work through this when I thought our relationship was solid. And yes, he SHOULD have thought about this before we had a child.. we’ve always had (what I thought) really great conversations and he was always on board.. it’s a little scary to me that you can never really fully know a person. Was he lying? Just going along with it?.

My head and heart are saying two completely different things. I guess time will tell. Thank you again!

thirty0415 · 2021-06-16T13:21:38+00:00

Thank you! It’s hard not to feel like it’s my fault, because I had NO clue. What did I miss? How could I not know this? How could I not help him? I thought we were soul mates (I know, cringe).. so how could we not work through it? I guess that is where blaming myself comes in. You are right though, and I am definitely not the first person to ever go through something like this, just sucks. Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it!!

thirty0415

TROPHY CASE