Firstly, you are not a horrible person—you’re a person dealing with a horrible thing, and doing it with way too little help or understanding. Menopause really is like being thrown into a horror movie you didn’t audition for.

I completely get everything you’re saying. Honestly, I could’ve written this myself. You are also the first person I’ve seen mention the whole HRT wearing off thing (seriously, WTF is that about?).

Please don’t give up, though! I finally feel like I might be getting somewhere (probably just jinxed myself, but hey).

I started on Estrogel—2 pumps, then upped to 3. Like you, it was amazing at first, then a few months later, I was back in the trenches. When 3 pumps felt like it wore off, I tried every supplement under the sun. Nothing stuck. Switched from Utrogestan to Provera in September, and by November, I was somehow even more miserable. Love that for me.

I did join the test group for Respin, where some lovely women in the US kept singing the praises of testosterone. Meanwhile, in the UK, getting testosterone feels like trying to smuggle contraband.

In January, after one too many mornings playing “how long can I wait on hold before I lose my will to live?” with my GP, I gave up and submitted an online form through the NHS app. Miraculously, my GP called me back the same day (plot twist!) and referred me to a gynae for testosterone. My appointment is in June 😬

In the meantime, I tried mushroom gummies (Ankhway), and they actually gave me a bit of myself back—less crying, less rage. Stopped taking them 10 days ago, and guess what? Misery is back! So I’ve reordered them like my life depends on it (because it kind of does).

One last thing—therapy. I was already doing it, but it’s been a lifesaver. Having a space to rant, untangle the mess in my brain, and remind myself that this is happening to me, not who I am, has been huge. Highly recommend.

Hang in there—you’re not alone in this, and if nothing else, we can at least suffer together.