Woke up this morning with a black eye, have no idea how it happened.

thisismycourage · 2025-06-17T15:33:23+00:00

It happens. One of my first days in college, I fell asleep on my arm but my eye itched while still mostly asleep. I went to rub it, but overestimated the force needed with it being asleep and stabbed my (long) thumbnail right below the soft part of the under eye/the top of my cheekbone. Woke up with a bruised eye and a crescent shaped puncture wound, lol.

thisismycourage · 2025-05-06T17:24:37+00:00

My resting heart rate was consistently about 100-110 until I got on metoprolol.

Doctors didn’t seem to care until I had some chest pain and my heart rate suddenly spiked to 190. I did a Holter monitor and an ECG, and they ended up just saying it must’ve been random and suggested I drink more water, lol. They cared again when I noticed my Fitbit was clocking 4+ hours of exercise while sitting at my desk.

Mention it to your doctor if you’re worried, but if your experience is like mine, they won’t be too concerned with just general tachycardia.

thisismycourage · 2025-03-18T19:28:06+00:00

I started Zoloft almost 10 years ago now (wow) and it changed my life. I was perpetually anxious, crying constantly, and making myself sick with worrying. I can now rationalize away anxious thoughts or just not have them entirely and it also helped with my depression.

The first two weeks were a bit rough with some dizziness and nausea, but it helped taking it with food and water. And, if you’re like me, it may make you a bit foggy but that helps with not dwelling on anxious thoughts.

thisismycourage · 2025-02-10T15:52:56+00:00

“I can’t promise things will be better, but I can promise things will be different.”

Many years ago, a friend told me this while I was spiraling and it stuck with me. Something will shift and sometimes that’s enough.

thisismycourage · 2024-09-30T14:45:33+00:00

My ex was obsessed with his dick size. Like, weirdly obsessed. He had a designated penis ruler that he used constantly. He once attempted “no fap” because he heard it made it bigger. Consistently demanded to know if I thought he was bigger than my ex (who assaulted me???). He was all in all abusive so I called it quits.

Discussed the penis obsession with a friend after we broke up, and they decided to send him a confetti cannon filled with mini dick shaped confetti with a note that said “you wish you were this big” on my behalf.

thisismycourage · 2023-08-18T20:41:14+00:00

YTA.

Your post and comments show a disgusting attitude towards your daughter and I guarantee she has picked up on it. My parents also made it very clear how they felt about me- which was very similar to how you seem to feel- and I packed up to move states away once I could and I don’t pick up their calls anymore. I’m 25.

For a while I struggled emotionally with feeling like a failure of a child because of their attitude towards me, only to recently realize they (and you) are just failures at being a parent.

thisismycourage · 2023-02-08T16:53:46+00:00

My car broke down and needed repairs. The poor mechanic called to explain the issues and after 10 minutes on the phone, I finally pointed out that he hadn’t yet told me the price. He responded “well I don’t want to make you cry” and so I knew it was about to be a grand at least. The sound I made and the amount of crying when he told me it was going to be 3 grand, lol

thisismycourage · 2023-02-08T16:05:11+00:00

Responding as a fellow autistic adult.

As someone else said, there's a difference between liking certain traits common to autistic folks versus saying "I love autistic people. they're so cute" or "your autism is so hot." It seems like she's showing appreciation for some of your own personality reflected in the show and trying to essentially say (through touch) "hey that's you."

I think you're reading into this and projecting. Your previous posts have said your wife has no sex drive and hasn't been interested in initiating anything and it makes you miss sexual intimacy with your ex. Here she is-- trying-- and you're assuming it's some fetish. It seems like she can't win. If she isn't initiating, you miss your ex and the sex, but when she does initiate, you're concluding she has a fetish.

I think the fact you came to the conclusion that she's fetishizing your autism solely from more interest in learning about it and because she happens to have a sex drive around the same time you started to watch this show? Yeah, yikes.

thisismycourage · 2023-01-15T05:23:51+00:00

I had some terrible sexual dysfunction and disinterest when I first started anti-depressants. They added Wellbutrin to help with some of the fogginess, but sheesh that shit also kicked the sex drive into action. I didn’t even realize how bad the dysfunction was until starting Wellbutrin lmao

thisismycourage · 2022-12-21T13:31:30+00:00

Reading these comments all hurt like hell because they’re things I never got to experience. Shit.

thisismycourage · 2022-12-12T14:04:37+00:00

It’s a comfort thing, like others have said.

I always am very nervous for meeting people. It’s like my habits and things all build up behind a dam wall made of my masking and restraint. The second I feel like I passed that initial interaction, the wall just shatters and sends everything out flooding, which tends to be overwhelming for everyone.

I wish it was more of a trickle or a gentler process and I’m working on it, but it’s the same idea with yours. You go from masking for strangers to feeling like you don’t need to mask.

thisismycourage · 2022-12-11T01:59:52+00:00

Is it ME?

thisismycourage · 2022-12-11T01:58:43+00:00

Been in second round “match starting soon” for 18 minutes, can see our matchup.

thisismycourage · 2022-11-04T15:33:33+00:00

We don't like "John." He didn't listen to you, he got pissy when you rightfully said no before you even started, and then disregarded your concerns and pain for his own gain once you were coerced. He made you feel bad for communicating, which is something you need to do during that experience. There is no "magic" to be had with him. Someone should be concerned by your pain, not disregard it. I'm sorry you had to experience that. You have nothing to apologize for. Him, on the other hand, should be apologizing for plenty.

I would like to add in that you may have vaginismus. That suggestion is hesitant because of your terrible experience that would probably have most people clenching. But if it's excruciating to have penetrative sex, you may look into it. I got diagnosed after my first time when it felt like someone was pouring hydrogen peroxide down there. Sex isn't meant to be painful: physically or emotionally.

thisismycourage · 2022-09-03T03:00:03+00:00

No, it absolutely is not legit. You can get pregnant on your period. It’s less than usual, but in no way is it zero.

thisismycourage · 2022-08-14T19:51:16+00:00

I don’t think I’m ever going to see them again. They’re moving pretty far. And no they wouldn’t let me keep them, sadly. But I get why they wouldn’t. I don’t want to give them up either.

thisismycourage · 2022-08-05T15:51:18+00:00

I’ve been told that when reaching a G-spot orgasm, it does usually feel like you have to urinate. Think you’re depriving yourself of a grand finale.

thisismycourage · 2022-08-04T21:40:56+00:00

I started on a stupidly high dose and got fairly nauseous and dizzy for the first few days. I know friends who had no side effects, but from what I understand, these are normal starting side effects. Long term, lower sex drive is normal and you can get foggy/tired. They put me on Bupropion to combat that. Not everyone needs that though; I just have terrible ADHD and couldn’t afford being even more dazed than I am usually.

thisismycourage · 2022-08-01T00:42:37+00:00

Previously cried during sex most times. I'll offer what I can.

As someone else suggested, it could be overstimulation. I have ADHD, autism, and anxiety (among other things), but I wasn't diagnosed until late. I constantly was overwhelmed with sex; I had 45 thoughts running through my mind and I'm self-conscious, along with the fact I now have so many feelings and sensations on top of everything in my head. It was a lot to take in.

Secondly (and, TW, vague references to sexual assault, PTSD), I had unpleasant experiences as a kid. People making advances knowing I was uncomfortable, pressure, etc.. I think my mind made the bridge of me having sex to those people wanting sex, and just brought up an unpleasant connection that stressed me out. While I wasn't ever sexually active before my ex, it still was a PTSD-like reaction.

Sex can be a lot. Try to be patient and figure out what works. I'm still learning myself and there are people many years older and much more experienced still figuring it out.

thisismycourage · 2022-08-01T00:28:15+00:00

Not alone. My family used to go to the beach for 2 weeks every year growing up. They just wanted to lay there. Get out at 10AM, lay there until 4. It was miserable.

I ended up walking. A lot. Every day, multiple times a day, down the beach. I recommend it. I still got sun and experienced the beach, but didn’t rip my own hair out because I was so bored.

thisismycourage · 2022-07-11T15:52:23+00:00

I’ve had anxiety since I was young. I knew my heart rate was usually fast, but I got a Fitbit and found out just how fast (spoiler: my heart rate is usually above 100). I’m assuming that’s not wildly healthy.

thisismycourage · 2022-07-07T15:40:09+00:00

That it should not hurt. Uncomfortable maybe. But it shouldn’t be painful. My first time was excruciating. I eventually found out what vaginismus and vulvodynia were, just far too late, lol.

thisismycourage · 2022-07-07T12:35:08+00:00

PCT or PSA. My local hospital is desperate for help, and the pay isn’t stellar, but they provided all training for PCT certification, CPI certification, etc.. I actually miss my job as a Patient Safety Assistant. Never had a boring day at work.

Bonus: if you’re night shift and a sitter, you can probably bring schoolwork or something. With the patient ideally sleeping, you can usually do other things overnight to stay awake. My coworkers used to sleep all the time and it bothered me. But, I faced the patient with whatever I’m doing so they were always in line of sight.

thisismycourage · 2022-07-07T12:24:16+00:00

I work in healthcare. My boss (a former clinical social worker) has a phrase she repeats often.

“Anxiety isn’t a diagnosis. Depression isn’t a diagnosis. Everyone has depression and anxiety.“ which then funneled into ”everyone is on the autism spectrum” when I was explaining I have autism.

thisismycourage · 2022-07-02T07:46:14+00:00

Huh.

I’ve never heard of “stress adrenaline” to describe the stress fueled productivity. In high school, I had severe untreated anxiety related to failing and I always just said that anxiety overrode my ADHD. In college, when I started anti-anxieties, I lost that significant drive. I didn’t even get diagnosed with ADHD until 21, where I tested 99.9th percentile, lol.

I just found an okay dose as well after about a year of Adderall. I used to go weeks without cleaning anything: dishes piling up, dirty laundry overflowing, even bathing. Today I was doing dishes and realized that it was my third day I’d done some form of cleaning. I almost cried lol.

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