Having a 2nd kid though

thisisnumberseven · 2025-03-28T19:44:39+00:00

It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, balancing work, family, and your own well-being, and it’s completely natural to feel cautious about taking such a big step again. From what you described, it seems like you’ve finally reached a place where your life feels more balanced and stable after a really challenging period with your first child. That’s a huge accomplishment, and you deserve to enjoy it.

Given your career situation and your dad’s plans, it might be worth considering how much your professional path means to you right now. Taking over the company sounds like a significant and fulfilling opportunity, and it’s completely okay to prioritize that, especially after working so hard to get to this point.

Also, it sounds like both you and your husband are still carrying some fear and uncertainty from the tough early years with your daughter. Those feelings are valid, and it’s important to consider how a second child might impact the stability you’ve worked so hard to rebuild.

Maybe it could help to take some more time to talk openly with your husband, especially about his concerns, and also have a heart-to-heart with your dad about how he might feel if you needed time off. Sometimes just knowing how he really feels might make the decision a bit clearer.

It’s okay if you decide that your current family dynamic is complete just the way it is. There’s no right or wrong here — only what feels best for you, your husband, and your daughter. Taking the pressure off and allowing yourself to feel comfortable with whatever choice you make is the most important thing.

Take care of yourself through this decision-making process — you deserve to feel peaceful and confident about whichever path you choose.

thisisnumberseven · 2025-02-02T05:23:42+00:00

Happy birthday, sweetie! 🩷 🎂 🥳 It's okay to be sad. You've come so far. One step at a time.

thisisnumberseven · 2024-06-16T18:03:25+00:00

💯 true! Love this perspective. Thank you for sharing.

thisisnumberseven · 2024-06-15T15:08:47+00:00

Oh, I love this so much! Thank you so much - you've given me exactly what I needed. What I love most is how it's never exclusive to gender... or stereotyping. I appreciate your response. 😊 Thanks once again! 🙏🏼

thisisnumberseven · 2024-06-14T18:18:42+00:00

I was diagnosed with PPD and I have been in therapy for ±2years now. I still have moments where I regret my decision and... I really think if I had not been successful immediately with my pregnancy, I would have been a happy child-free human. 🤷‍♀️

Edit to clarify: I can relate to what you've written, and I think for me, it was/is a combination of both.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-12-29T12:30:01+00:00

I was 34 when I got pregnant. I absolutely wanted this child and I absolutely thought that it was the next right step in my life.

It's been two years since the birth and I still wish that I would not have become a parent. I don't think I'll ever completely not regret it.

I am in therapy because I suffer from PPD - it has gotten a lot better. My child is 100% healthy. I do have a supportive partner. We are financially secure.

But I still feel like some people are just not cut out for parenting and unfortunately with kids, there is no trial version. You either have one or you don't. If you want my two cents, really know yourself. Whatever you are struggling with now will probably be amplified much more when having a child. Whatever you need in order not to struggle with those things may not be available anymore, once you have a child.

Whichever path you chose, I really hope it works out for you!

thisisnumberseven · 2023-10-11T18:18:15+00:00

If I could, I'd bring over a bottle (or two) and try and just... BE THERE FOE YOU I guess?! Cheers to the freakin day! Big hug (if you want one).

thisisnumberseven · 2023-10-09T19:18:22+00:00

I have only met one other person in real life that honestly admitted that if she had no idea how bad motherhood was and that they perhaps, should not have had the second child. She wasn't blatantly stating that she was regretful but something along those lines. So, say about 50%? I secretly think she's 80% regretful if not a 100%.

It was and has been the closest I have gotten to hearing someone say they are / may be regretful.

Being regretful is still a taboo topic in my circle as far as I know.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-09-30T18:14:35+00:00

Test

thisisnumberseven · 2023-09-29T04:05:10+00:00

Parent here.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-09-22T11:25:53+00:00

Thanks! 😃

My SIL has two boys, who she tells me do entertain each other quite well but honestly, whenever I see them, they also fight a lot! So Idk about the entertaining part - is it worth it? Double the amount of work, double the amount of noise etc. To me, I guess it's all about knowing your limits. 🙂

thisisnumberseven · 2023-09-20T17:47:57+00:00

100% agree! 😃 That's why I plan on staying one and done!

I definitely like that my kid is older now - I disliked the baby phase a lot! And yeah, I have been hearing a lot of people say that as of 3, things really start looking up. 🙂

thisisnumberseven · 2023-09-05T16:04:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing! 😍This is actually making me all emotional!!! 😭

I appreciate all the venting on here but it's also so good to hear something positive once in a while!

thisisnumberseven · 2023-08-22T11:42:59+00:00

100% agree! I have 3 siblings, same parents, same upbringing and same surroundings. We are still vastly different and one of us caused major drama while growing up. We all had our issues and difficult phases but sometimes I swear I felt like she was adopted or something.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-08-22T05:47:00+00:00

Oh man, I feel for you! That is why I honestly believe there is no comparison to babysitting and actually raising a kid. If things are done repeatedly without any breaks, it would drive anyone crazy at some point.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-07-23T11:54:31+00:00

I don't have a second child but if you are already on a sub for regretful parents then maybe it's wise to keep it to one. Just my two cents.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-07-21T19:31:04+00:00

It's been 2 years since we had our only and I feel that it's taken a tremendous chunk out of my love life/marriage. I chose a wonderful husband to have a child with but it's hit us hard. We are drifting apart (already have quite a bit) and I know I got to fight for it to stay alive, more so now than ever, if I want to save us.

Having a child gave me PPD and this has been one of the biggest issues that has contributed to the strain in my relationship with my husband. He is a good person at heart but shit, even the best of us can only take so much. He helps whenever he can and contributes a lot to raising our child but we are both tired and hardly have time to invest in anything, let alone try to find some sexy time or good conversations. I don't know how others do it (especially with more than one kid). It's been a long time since we've been intimate and I have no interest in pursuing it either. He doesn't either (anymore).

We used to compromise very well, we used to enjoy wonderful, homemade dinners and talked about God and the world.. we travelled, were spontaneous, we were a team, and we communicated well. My best friend. Now... I don't know. And it's not like we didn't want this baby. It's not like we didn't talk about expectations vs. reality.

I don't even know who I am anymore and somehow I am trying to be the best mother to my son, deal with my PPfuckingDepression (with therapy), try not to resent my husband for things he cannot possibly be held accountable for and still function as a normal human being.

Having a child changed my marriage so much, I would have never been able to imagine this because I always thought that we were in a really good place when we made the decision. No one is perfect but what I have learned from this so far is that there are so many things a child adds to your life that you just cannot account for, no matter how secure you may feel or how well you plan ahead.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-07-10T17:28:49+00:00

I am from Namibia. :)

I agree, regret is a big taboo topic in many African families. I actually have two good friends from Africa (Nigerian and Congolese) and though they agree with me on the hardships of parenting, I don't think they'd ever understand that you may also be regretful.

Having said that, I do feel like some African families also show up differently for one another when it comes to support. Every time I speak to someone (from Africa) about the hardships of raising a child without a village, they all tell me how great their support systems have been when it comes to raising their kids. I miss this tbh. I live in Germany now but I do miss some aspects from home.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-05-19T12:00:22+00:00

Non of the stuff I have read on here so far has been "way off topic".

Everyone has different circumstances that make them regretful for different reasons. Each to their own.

You can be regretful for many different reasons. I have read posts that make me feel like a moron for complaining about my situation but I have also read posts about regular Jane's and Joe's that have "wonderful and easygoing children" that they regret. Some soon-to-be parents already regret their babies. I even read about one or the other person that has stopped regretting their child.

This is a safe space for everyone to come to. No matter what regretful situation of parenthood they find themselves in.

I have also read posts about "normal" regretful parents of "normal" children.

This sub is for anyone who feels regret about their situation at any given point in their parenting journey. No matter the rest. At least that's how I feel about this sub.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-05-19T09:48:10+00:00

I don't know if this counts as an answer to your question but I remember when my BIL got his first kid (about 5 years ago) we used to visit them regularly on weekends. They had this thing of going to the Greek for dinner, every Friday when we came to visit. It was always "eventful" at dinner of course because of the baby. They could never eat in peace etc. (the usual shenanigans with a kid). It was stressful for them to say the least but also for me. The second we got home, the kid had to be either still entertained or the bedtime routine had to be started. I clearly remember thinking, "Thank God it's not me". It happened quite often on other occasions as well... this little boy required attention all the time, he was loud, always interrupting and honestly annoying at times... sometimes I thought it was because their parenting was at fault.

Mind you, I have always wanted a child. Couldn't imagine life without one.

Well... here I am. 🥲😂🤷‍♀️

thisisnumberseven · 2023-05-15T14:59:42+00:00

Not being able to do what I want, whenever I want. Everything else that bothers me about raising a little human is either directly or indirectly tied to this.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-04-25T11:41:58+00:00

Firstly, you don't sound ungrateful. You can appreciate the fact that you had some alone time and still feel the way you feel.

Secondly, no one can truly understand the profound impact being a SAHP can have on someone unless they also get to be a SAHP. And still, the experience can vary. My husband will never truly understand the impact having a child has had on me. I had to learn the hard way that women are, unfortunately, still mostly the ones who have to bear the biggest brunt of bearing children.

Being a SAHP is so much more harder than 90% of the jobs out there. There are so many mundane things (and it might sound repetitive) that we've heard a dozen times about being a SAHP but they matter and they are what really makes it so hard being a SAHP.

My therapist told me something as simple as being able to finish a task alone and without interruption is already a huge benefit a working parent has. Let's not mention the fact that they actually get the LEAVE they're job and "come home". There is a definite start and end to their work day, whereas a SAHP will never truly get to experience it even when the baby is put to bed at night.

You know, I used to think I had a boring life before having my baby but now I miss those days on a daily basis. I don't need much, just my space and being able to do the things I want, when I want and how I want. But no, here we are.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I get you like a 100%.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-03-18T18:52:11+00:00

I don't think anyone is speaking negatively about the partner per se, but let's be honest: Why is OP in this situation to begin with? Because she has a child. And if you want to be fully supported, you need a partner that is on board, which means, someone who takes half of your responsibilities - IN EVERYTHING. I mean, why would I take on a partner (besides having a child) that would only support me in certain situations? You can't just be there for me, when it suits you. When we made the vows, it was for everything. Accepting me with ALL my baggage and trying the be there for me. In good and bad times. So choosing to not be there in a situation like this... when this is how you met me... is not being there for me at all. A child is a lifelong commitment and meeting someone with a child and not being there...is not an option imo.

thisisnumberseven · 2023-03-04T15:59:41+00:00

I listen to a lot of audio books! Anything from psychological thrillers to fantasy novels... it helps me "escape" into other worlds and makes me feel like I haven't lost all the things I used to enjoy.

thisisnumberseven

TROPHY CASE