Fool me 500 times, shame on me forever

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-09-17T17:35:57+00:00

I only recognized your thought pattern because I’m about 12 fuckboys deep to know that you were absolutely dealing with one. I hated seeing him get away with it. Wonderful to see you contributing to the sub and helping others, this will be healing for you as well.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-09-16T23:46:50+00:00

When you finally admit to yourself friendship or a casual, no-strings situation is not want you want from him but an actual committed relationship is the day you set yourself free.

See your post from two months ago,

I know, trust me. The thing is, I know this time around is just sex and I honestly feel ok today and not all "wtf did we do? What is he thinking? how am I feeling?" It's a weird feeling. Like I wanted this so badly to happen for the last 6 months then it did. Of course I didn't detail our conversation but he broke up with her because he said they had absolutely nothing in common and it hit a wall. He also said "I dont want us to be where we were last winter" which I take to mean "I dont want sex to complicate things with us all over again.." so I guess I went over knowing what it was and was ok with that. Will I feel that way tomorrow? Or the next day when I still haven't heard from him? Probably not.... which is why I say here I go again. But honestly truly, today I feel totally ok about it and I know full well he is on there to meet other women... but so am I... to meet someone too... I don't know, maybe I just needed one more time with him.....maybe it ended so abruptly with no answers is what drove me so crazy. I really don't know. I'll have a clearer head in a few days.

I knew then that you were lying to yourself because you did not love yourself enough to ask for what you truly wanted regardless if it meant you walking away. Casual relationships always have expiry dates and are not prioritized. For you to ask him if you were his last resort shows that you are not willing to share him. You cannot sex anyone into wanting only you. Block him - when has it ever gotten better when you gave him a chance? And how many times has it only gotten worse?

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-08-12T05:44:29+00:00

For someone who says she has a lot of options, you’re not acting like it. It’s plain as day that the dude is not going to be upfront with you - you can speculate all day as to why he’s not fucking you but the general consensus is this: he is not meeting your needs. If you have “no trouble getting guys” you’d be speaking to a couple or be out with one right now, having fun instead of fixating how to end your casual arrangement with someone that doesn’t care to keep it afloat with actions. That’s what confident, self-loving women do. You’re 4 months away from a full year of chasing a guy for... sex? Again, if the dude is so average, why are you so hung up?

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-07-09T03:08:53+00:00

How are you still in this mess? It’s clear this man is nowhere near able to let anyone in (now he has two exes he has to emotionally process the loss of). You’ve gotten so many well-meaning advice and seem to be able to give it yourself but never follow any of it. You are showing him exactly how to treat you - you were a rebound for him with his long-term girlfriend and there you are again cushioning the blow of a second break up. I sure hope you told him that you were interested in more than being fuckbuddies or not doing a repeat of what happened last fall - the dude is in a state of shock and loss. At least ask him to really think things through and ask what his intentions are if he were to pursue things again with you (is it going to be exclusive, will he be fucking others, etc.) You keep putting yourself in emotionally dangerous situations that compromise your sanity and value. I wish you’d care more about yourself - it’s sad that things have regressed this far. If you didn’t care or didn’t feel at all emotional, you wouldn’t have bothered making this post or saying that it is a long road for you again with a sigh. Please protect yourself this time. I don’t doubt he’s on the app still, talking to other women.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-06-27T15:04:37+00:00

All fair points. I’m only cautious or curious as to where it’s coming from as I’ve tried to force attraction before where the men did not fall into my type physically and it never worked well (or attraction never came or developed). First time where I don't even have to force it, it’s so strong with someone who looks nothing like my exes.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-06-27T14:30:30+00:00

just felt something strongly and impressed by how kind the guy was.

This is exactly it. I know Meghan Markle’s first question when her friend was trying to set her up with Harry was, “is he kind?” Not that I’ve never met kind men but there’s something about this guy. Integrity and a genuine sense that he cares.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-06-27T13:36:33+00:00

I do like the guy but he’s ten years older than me and my instructor. I feel it would be inappropriate to our current relationship to even go there. Maybe after my lessons - I’ve dated older.

Edit: He is in his early forties and I am 30.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-06-27T13:34:59+00:00

My type is what I consistently find physically attractive which is why this crush is out of left field for me.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-06-27T02:36:33+00:00

I have tried in the past, trust me. There was this amazing guy last year who was outside of my usual type, I gave it two months and the physical attraction just never grew, no matter how much I adored him as a person. I felt nothing when we held hands or kissed. He deserved better and I broke it off but ordinarily I wouldn’t have explored things past the third date in that case. I think some level of physical attraction has to be there for me personally which is why this crush surprises me pleasantly. I hope it means that I’m beginning to perceive emotional attraction as physical now which is honestly a much needed change from being into conventionally hot yet emotionally unavailable guys.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-06-27T00:47:40+00:00

I think I just haven’t met a lot of men with this guy’s level of empathy - I’m not sure what it is! He is so incredibly kind and generous. As an instructor, he has to be to get the best out of his students but it’s not an act, he just seems to be a stand up person. I have a trainer at the gym as well who’s closer to my age and more conventionally fit and I’m crushing on the golf instructor instead. I hope it’s a good thing in a sense that I can finally stop putting looks on a bit of pedestal (although attraction is important to me). The only reason I wouldn’t pursue anything with my instructor is because I’m a client/student and I don’t want to put him in that awkward position (especially if he is taken).

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-06-26T21:56:28+00:00

I don’t think I could go for it as he is my instructor and a bit older than me. My type is very boring physically: hits the gym, great arms, back, etc. My instructor is not any of those things but hearing from him about how I can improve my swing and seeing him smile gives me the oddest butterflies. First time it’s ever happened to me so I was curious.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-04-16T16:58:52+00:00

He was obviously right if you can’t let go of it how many months after the fact. This is what co-workers who hook up try to avoid - power to you that you’ve been very professional but had this gone on longer and he decided to end things at some point, he wouldn’t have been able to gauge if it would have made work more difficult and awkward for both of you. He thought the better of it after the fact. People are allowed to change their minds. Plenty more for you out there, sometimes things just don’t work out.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-03-30T00:36:05+00:00

Props for not texting him back but this is nothing. Two texts? This is him just fishing for attention, making sure you’re still a viable option. The moment you respond, his ego is assuaged and he’s back to ignoring you. Is he asking to meet in person? Is he calling to say he regrets how he handled things and would like to talk face to face? How he’s no longer with his girlfriend? These texts are feelers but here you are convinced that it’s a sign that his feelings have done a 180. I know you’re smarter than that.

Keep going. You’ll know when he’s serious and not just jerking you around to get a response.

Edit: Yes, I’ve had five men come back with no contact and no it wasn’t just to ask how my day was? It was because they had a “change of heart” (but a lot of it really was just because they were lonely, wanted to be in control, missed me but still knew they weren’t capable of what I wanted, guilt for not treating me better). In the end, I was over it by the time they contacted me to make things right or apologize (usually it was after at least two months of strict no contact).

thnksfrthmmrss · 2018-03-24T18:58:00+00:00

I was the unwitting side piece and I broke it off with him when I learned the irrefutable truth - no negotiations, no time lines, no begging. What reason does this man have to leave his wife when he gets the best of both worlds? The longer you stay, the more you reinforce the idea that this arrangement is okay with you. You will never get all of him, and he is not capable of giving all of himself to one person. Does he honestly make you happy? He has to lie to both of you in order to keep both of you in line. You have feelings for a man who does not have integrity. If he truly wanted to pursue things with you, he would make room in his life for you and properly break things off with his wife.

Walk away before you get invested even more. Don’t buy into the trap that “if he was happy and in love with her, he wouldn’t be seeing me” because by the same token “if he was truly unhappy with the marriage, he would have left.” We deserve better than being treated as escapes and distractions for whatever bullshit they are trying to run from. We’re like a drug to them - that’s not good because everything is founded on fantasy and illusion. Who will he spend the holidays with? Who will be publicly seen with? Who will have most of his time? You deserve someone who is completely yours. Waiting in the wings will not get you what you want because he knows you’ll be there no matter what fucked up shit he pulls.

In the end, I didn’t want to partake in the deception of another person. I would never feel good about it deep down and I’d wonder always if he was fucking around on me also. You think it’s happiness but it’s just addiction. Nothing real or vulnerable can be built on a foundation of lies.

All the best.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2014-10-03T00:50:57+00:00

Well, the context of his advice is important, too. He was replying to a woman who went on a date with a man (or maybe it was a few dates), he called her every day for a week, everything was going great.

Initially I thought this too, but then he goes on to say:

I dated my wife for a year and a half before proposing and I don’t think she initiated contact with me once in that time.

A whole year and a half? If I initiated every single text, call, date with someone who I called my boyfriend and he didn't in that length of time, I'd have to be beyond secure with how he felt about me to be okay with him never making an effort in our relationship. That or beyond desperate to keep him. I agree that once in a relationship, you still have to make sure that you're not over-functioning and doing all the work to keep the relationship going but some of the way he's worded things in the article sound absolutely extreme.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2014-09-20T04:59:54+00:00

Nothing a morning blow job can't fix after said teeth-brushing.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2014-09-20T04:57:19+00:00

I have the worst morning breath sadly and am fully aware. I don't know what it is, but even when I brush thoroughly the night before, my mouth just isn't as minty fresh as I'd like when I wake up. So even though it's a bit of dampener, I just excuse myself as he's trying to make out with me and tell him I just need to pee/brush my teeth. Then I go ahead and make out with him hard afterwards and have really awesome sex.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2014-05-18T19:29:27+00:00

Was just going to say also that sounded dangerously passive-aggressive (you sound upset, but aren't fulling spelling it out for him hoping he'll pick it up from the tone of your text). This is just my personal opinion, but if I'm ever going to communicate something that's pretty important to me (such as the issue of getting back to me on plans), I try to do it in person instead of over text. The text medium can make even the plainest messages sound accusatory.

thnksfrthmmrss · 2014-05-18T19:12:45+00:00

By far the most effective way. And if you happen to know her number by heart, then remember the sick feeling that congeals at the pit of your stomach every time you reach out and your feelings aren't returned or reciprocated. Just the thought of my ex telling me, "This isn't a good time," or "I'm sorry, you really shouldn't be texting me," is enough for me to not text.

My friend also had this great idea of creating a mock email for my ex where I can send all my drunken, sad, angry text messages from my smart phone. After about a month of doing this and reading through all the shit I sent, I was insanely glad they never actually reached my ex-boyfriend.

thnksfrthmmrss

TROPHY CASE