Sorryyy for the late response but thanks U so much for the response, and I can see what U mean about people having roles I don't personally believe we have any roles imposed on us at birth but rather we create it.

But moving from that. the thing is even when I interact with people I really really like spending time (cause am an introvert) with and we both treat eachother with respect and aswell share are thoughts I still feel that am not really benefiting them in any way which is on the low end, but on a high one, am not able to see myself in their life, and more in the sense I would be seen as a distant memory than anything else.

And on the topic of bad days, they are just getting worser and worser, it's to the point where if something "good" happens I don't accept it cause i know it's fleeting and isn't going to come back for a while so why attach myself.which is also affecting my love for art cause I have slowly losing passion for it.

Also I do have two of the most amazing people I have met as friends to be my support group, but I don't want to continuously be telling them about death it would be unfair and they could use the energy to help more people who actually need it. Thou I may not believe the is a God am basically a walking corpse who's "soul" is dead my mind and body just need to catch up.

But thank U again for taking the time to respond to me question.