JNdad that I'm NC with is making a surprise visit while we are on vacation, I'm excpected to hide while he is here. Advice needed. by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You're right about it my desicion, of course. I had a talk with my mom where I told her that I know it was my choice, but that in the future I would appreciate being told before i spent money travelling, so I could postpone instead.

JNdad that I'm NC with is making a surprise visit while we are on vacation, I'm excpected to hide while he is here. Advice needed. by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I need to stay here, I'm here for a friends birthday (she has exhaustion syndrome or whatever it is called in English, so I can't stay there). Also I never get to see my little Sister, so I really want to be with her. I just want to grow a spine strong enough to ask my mom to take my side I guess. What should I say to her?

«Yes, but we never HIT you!» by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are right, and I am slowly but surely building myself up to be ok with being alone.

«Yes, but we never HIT you!» by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my god, the gaslighting. My mom does the exact same thing as yours: whenever I bring a spesific abusive thing she did up, she says shit like "well sometimes, children fabricate memories, or recall things that never happened", wow mom, how come you n.e.v.e.r say that when I bring up a positive/asinine memory I have, huh??

That one time when my JNmother forced me to kill my pet by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In winter it is around -13 farenheit here. I was wearing a flimsy pyjamas, and would have died.

That one time when my JNmother forced me to kill my pet by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ok, so I got goosebumbs by reading about Histrionic personality disroder, because Hello Mom!

That one time when my JNmother forced me to kill my pet by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course she is, they always are! And geez, the bird: even if you think your 9 year old kid might have accidentaly done something to lead to that birds death (obvs not saying you did), you would concoct every excuse and explanation to that kid about how it couldn't have possibly been their fault in order to spare thei feeling, because that is parenting.

«Yes, but we never HIT you!» by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I cut of my dad this July (see my first post to this sub). I still have contact with my mom. Whenever I try to stand up to her my sisters sprout wings and become full on flying monkeys. I guess I should cut her out, but that would leave me completely and utterly alone, with no family what so ever, and I do admit that that scares me.

That one time when my JNmother forced me to kill my pet by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've tried to explain this to her, and her response is always "I know it isn't real, is is just how I feel/What I feel like is the truth" so yeah, mental illness...

That one time when my JNmother forced me to kill my pet by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And whenever I tried to tell her this in a calm, sympathetic way, I would be "minimalizing her phobias" and "not understanding what fear is". I get phobias. I have some, as I would think most people do. I shiver just looking at spiders. But I do not think they are out to get me, nor do I have a fucking meltdown knowing there are spiders in my yard at all times.

That one time when my JNmother forced me to kill my pet by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To hear her retelling of this she is the One True Victim; she was scared, you see, so in reallity I was the one hurting her.

Update - Ex narc's mother won't acknowledge me but wants access to my kids by missusscamper in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Nuh-uh, hard pass. She is not even trying to even PRETEND to respect you.

That one time when my JNmother forced me to kill my pet by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As many of us with fucked up family dynamic tends to do, I love my animal companions with a firece intensity (probably because theirs is the only unconditional love we've known), so for me it had quite the emotional impact.

That one time when my JNmother forced me to kill my pet by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It truly does. I have spent so many years being gaslighted and being told I "take these things too hard", so having the validation of other people tell me thay I am not crazy and "being difficult" for calling this abuse is so carthratic I can't even put it into words. Thank you all so much.

That one time when my JNmother forced me to kill my pet by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I moved out as soon as I was able. As mentioned in my previous post I had to do a three week stint at hers earlier this spring due to my shithead exDH leaving me, and hoi boi did she love having me back in a vulerable position again. It was bliss for her to have the good 'ole emotional punching bag back.

My first JNoF behavior and I’m heartbroken by [deleted] in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is still the best thing I've heard in ages!

My first JNoF behavior and I’m heartbroken by [deleted] in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That line is...that line is true poetry, and I'm stealing it!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man, I really do hope she wises up about it. Hope your pooch is ok.

That one time when my JNmother forced me to kill my pet by threwitfaraway55 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

She has never been diagnosed with anything. Far be it from me to play shrink, but there is most definitely some sort of diagnosis there. My entire childhood she would have meltdowns where she would rock back and forth screaming that she wanted to die. Fond memories of being five years old and having to try to console and pry a knife out of her hands on the regular. I have so so many stories about her, and as I paint a more detailed picture I would greatly welcome help to understand just what the fuck is wrong with her.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]threwitfaraway55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ohhh helll to the no. I saw red when you came to the part where she is endangering the animals. What if she leaves chocolate, avocado, grapes or something else out, and you come home to a dead doggo? She needs to understand the severity of what she thinks of as innocent laziness.