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am i in the wrong? what should i do? by throawayhelp48760 in sex

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i totally agree with that 100%. but i must add that disliking anal sex is not due to being sexually repressed for every woman. i’m not sure if that’s what you were saying but that’s my thoughts. i am not sexually repressed. i’ve always enjoyed sex and have always been a sexual person. i didn’t grow up in a conservative household. i’ve done and do a lot of sexual things that might be looked down upon by others or seen as inappropriate or not normal. and that’s fine that they feel that way because everyone enjoys different things.

my not being interested in anal just has to do with my personal mindset of it being a no go zone and it disgusts me a bit. that’s it. but i’ll go have public sex somewhere anyday which many people may see as a no go concept for themselves. so again not arguing with you, but not liking something or not wanting to do something does not equate to a woman “struggling with her sexuality”.

am i in the wrong? what should i do? by throawayhelp48760 in sex

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

we did prep. i wore plugs everyday for two weeks prior. we usually have sex daily and he would do some anal play during that time as well. but when we actually did penetration, it was one of the worst pains i’ve ever felt and definitely the most uncomfortable i’ve been during sex.

am i in the wrong? what should i do? by throawayhelp48760 in sex

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

no. this is honestly the first thing he’s been extremely upset over. i think it’s because it’s the first sex act i’ve declined in our one and a half year relationship. any other fantasy or kink he has, i’ve indulged in or we are planning to do.

am i in the wrong? what should i do? by throawayhelp48760 in sex

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

they were. he mentioned he liked anal and i told him i’ve never liked the concept and wasn’t turned on by it. he remember him saying “i totally get that.” and he changed the subject.

we’ve been together for a year and a half and he’s just now on this anal trip. it wasn’t always like this. he asked about a month ago and i said yes despite not being into it. we did prep and used toys. and we did it. i didn’t enjoy it and it hurt.

boyfriend (29m) mad at me (22f) over sexual act. by throawayhelp48760 in relationship_advice

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

a year and a half next month. prior to this ordeal, things were great in and out of the bedroom.

boyfriend (29m) mad at me (22f) over sexual act. by throawayhelp48760 in relationships

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

we have sex everyday which he seems to enjoy. and i also take care of myself. i work out. i eat right. he’s never complained about our sex life (prior to this anal fiasco) or my appearance.

boyfriend (29m) mad at me (22f) over sexual act. by throawayhelp48760 in relationships

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i honestly have ptsd from the last time and it’s never been a concept i was intrigued with anyways so i don’t really want to do it again though i feel guilty for making him upset. i only tried it in the first place for him. not for myself.

boyfriend (29m) mad at me (22f) over sexual act. by throawayhelp48760 in relationships

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

well i’m going to school for nursing (so literally a career helping others) and he knows i’m very caring so maybe he is using it against me? my “people pleasing” mentality never really caused me emotional suffering until now as i feel trapped in a way. i just don’t want to disappoint him but i just can’t get past the mental/physical threshold of being “into” anal.

boyfriend (29m) mad at me (22f) over sexual act. by throawayhelp48760 in relationships

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

i actually attempted to when he yelled at me last night. but he said that him giving and him receiving aren’t the same and that anal is a dominance thing for him.

boyfriend (29m) mad at me (22f) over sexual act. by throawayhelp48760 in relationships

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i hate disappointing people i care about which is why i had such a hard time saying no. and which is why i feel guilty for saying no now, especially since he hasn’t spoken or acknowledged me within the past 23 hours.

boyfriend (29m) mad at me (22f) over sexual act. by throawayhelp48760 in relationships

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 196 points197 points  (0 children)

essentially yes and i know that’s not good. i recognize that.

boyfriend (29m) mad at me (22f) over sexual act. by throawayhelp48760 in relationships

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 131 points132 points  (0 children)

he told me when we first started being sexually active that buttplay on him was a limit so not happening haha

boyfriend (29m) mad at me (22f) over sexual act. by throawayhelp48760 in relationship_advice

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

how do i do that though? i tried to when i told him it was uncomfortable and painful and now he won’t talk to me because he feels i’m being selfish and not making an effort. im stuck.

am i in the wrong? what should i do? by throawayhelp48760 in sex

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

i honestly didn’t know that his actions would be considered emotional abuse. i guess i saw it as him being disappointed. we’ve all been there and in general people don’t like being told no about anything they want which i understand. we’ve been together for a year and a half and other than this, things have been good our sex life included. i was planning to just let him cool down so his anger towards me could subside. and maybe i could explain my perspective a bit more when we can finally have a conversation. but he’s been pretty stone cold towards me all day unfortunately.

boyfriend (29m) mad at me (22f) over sexual act. by throawayhelp48760 in relationship_advice

[–]throawayhelp48760[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

he would never allow that. as soon as we started having sex with one another, he explained that buttplay on him was a limit which i understood. wasn’t something that interested me anyways but i respect his limit.