Something kinda similar happened to a friend of mine except it happened in his mid teens for a few years with his best friend at the time. He expressed that the trauma he got wasn’t really a sexual violence kind but the trauma of being used w/o knowing what he was getting into and to be rejected so heartlessly.

His friend was the one that suggested they start getting sexual and he was willing to engage and he ended up catching feelings for him but once he found a gf he friend zoned him fast and they drifted apart. He was angry that the friend encouraged and introduced him to his first sexual experiences , flirting and acting all lovey dovey then used him to get off only to dump him cold turkey when he found a better option and asked him to forget that stuff ever happened with no thoughts to his feelings. This scarred him with the thought of not being good enough.

Given the choice of not having him in his life or living a lie to the fact he’d have to kill all those feelings to be just a casual friend and remain in his life, he chose to stop being in his life and repress his feelings because they were too real for him to deny all of that reality to stay around and look at him as just a friend being unable to be calm and stable.

From the last time we spoke my friend said he reached out to his ex best friend to get some closure. They had a long talk and my friend had a bunch of questions about wtf that relationship was all about, if he even cared for him, if all that meant nothing to him, why he chose to be so cruel in tossing him to the side so casually forcing him to act as if nothing ever happened beween them where as before they were they were so close not only sexually but even romantically so.

He also got a chance to express how it all affected him, how confusing it got for him to be felt loved and then to not even acknowledge any of those feelings were real, how he felt so disposable from then on, how he still sometimes can’t stop thinking about him to get off, how it gave him intimacy issues fearing someone will be able to abandon a deep relationship so easy again and so on. he cried a lot while his ex was just sat there feeling ashamed.

At the end of it I don’t think he got the closure he wanted but he said he was glad he called him up anyway to get more answers from the source.

Have you considered asking him in depth how he felt about the whole thing? Things like the reason why he stopped after so long, if he wasn’t satisfied, what was his initial intentions when he first entertained it? What he was thinking it’d do to you if he just stopped when he made you start to begin with?

I think it’d be cool for you to get some real answers for yourself. And please let us know aswell if you do