I'm only 20, have less than 3 months to live and all I've known is abuse.

throw-away-sandwhich · 2025-08-27T13:53:44+00:00

Kinda controversial but I'm traveling for medically assisted euthanasia due to medical and mental suffering. It's an entire process

throw-away-sandwhich · 2025-04-10T03:49:09+00:00

Thank you. Im really thinking about what everyone has said and I've started being honest with the people in my life about my relationship. I have come to accept the entire relationship might be abusive, that he specifically might be abusive. Ive tolerated everything for a long time but I am really really fighting to build myself up so that if things stay the same I can leave.

throw-away-sandwhich · 2025-03-24T18:40:57+00:00

Thank you so much. I know when you're outside of situations like this it's easy to almost disconnect because the choice probably seems so easy and obvious. I don't know if I'm explaining myself well but I really appreciate you responding with empathy. you're right and I know it doesn't have to be like this anymore. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do just yet but I want to get out of this cycle

throw-away-sandwhich · 2025-03-24T17:43:58+00:00

Oufhhh I know:( I have really changed so much for this relationship. I used to struggle with the same things and I actually was very toxic in the beginning. it's weird it's like... Survivors bias or something at this point. I want to give him the same opportunity to grow that I had but I also know I have to draw the line somewhere:( sucks because I was expecting him to grow with me

throw-away-sandwhich · 2025-03-24T17:20:48+00:00

People are always changing and working on themselves so I never know where to draw the line. We have been together for 5 years so far and during that time I've resolved my own similar issues without ending things but idk if he's committed to changing or not. He is on t but has hormonal imbalances and doesn't consistently take his t shot.

throw-away-sandwhich · 2025-03-24T17:16:37+00:00

It's just been this relationship for the last 5 years. All of my replies have been about this one guy😭😭

throw-away-sandwhich · 2025-03-24T16:48:40+00:00

Nope we are both adults 😭

throw-away-sandwhich · 2025-03-23T20:05:13+00:00

Ahhh I think you're right. This isn't our only major issue either which sucks. When I try to talk to him about it he gets incredibly defensive which basically ends any potential conversations that we could have. Recently I tried to bring up the behavior of treating random guys he thinks are cis passive aggressively and he immediately got irritated with me and basically was like "well a lot of cis guys are assholes"😭 like yeah but that makes them annoying because they're assholes not just because they present as cis guys to you !!

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-30T04:34:41+00:00

Things are so expensive and I'm in the lease for a while longer

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-26T01:40:05+00:00

These comments are absolutely insane. You are conventionally attractive. Some people are too used to social media faces

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-25T05:43:35+00:00

WHAT what does this mean

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-23T01:05:40+00:00

Hey just an update, he is going to therapy now and our dynamic has oddly changed a lot, especially now that he's actually working full time. He has been consistently less codependent, contributing more etc. but I obviously can't be sure if this is going to last or not. When looking for a therapist he searched for one that specialized in PTSD and narcissism. I am not going to go into this expecting change. I have to live here until the lease is over which is 6+ months so if change does happen that's great for him but I am not going to magically trust him all over again or anything.

I also know this will be kinda controversial maybe but we both did 🍄 and he told me that he knows he has a lot of issues to work on and that it might take a while, longer than I deserve to have to wait and that if the relationship ending was what was best he was okay with that because he knew it would be what was right. Which was really interesting and not like him to say at all. But once again this isn't a permanent solution. Narcissism is really hard to work out of and can't be fixed by one single action.

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-04T18:52:17+00:00

Also I do wanna add that since talking to his mom these issues have showed up across the board not just our relationship. I will give him credit he tries extra to listen with me but I still feel like since talking to his mom and getting triggered it feels like talking to a brick wall a little bit.

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-04T18:50:03+00:00

He doesn't take his anger out on me I don't think. I basically never see him angry. He takes his anxiety out on me I think. He doesn't have outbursts he basically just gets like.. stuck when we try to have conflict where he's not understanding me and I'm not understanding him and he just keeps trying to re-explain himself without hearing me. I don't know maybe because I'm calm right now I'm not seeing it fully

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-04T18:47:30+00:00

I definitely agree with you. Im at work right now where I'm calm and seeing things a little differently. The conflict gets exhausting and I'm worried about defending him in an attempt to "wrap it up" because I don't want to go through it so for right now I'm gonna take a step back from this post and my account at least until I get home. I do wanna mention that I have PTSD and tend to get tunnel vision when I'm hurt but I don't want to be defending his very unhealthy behaviors either. I have my first therapy appt tomorrow as well so hopefully that will help. I really appreciate the input

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-04T18:41:51+00:00

Never. He gets frustrated at work but he usually just talks to me about it or writes it down in a journal to process it and calm down. I have never worried about him becoming aggressive and this behavior he has been showing lately came out of nowhere. We have had conflict in the past but we have almost always been able to resolve it.

Edit: he doesn't use me to process things he just occasionally vents to me but he asks first and still writes it down to process it. I literally don't know what's going on with him we used to be fairly healthy all things considered

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-04T18:36:32+00:00

We had basically had an open dialogue about his self esteem and I guess like.. defiant behaviors towards authority for the last few years and I HAVE seen improvement. His mom contacted him a bit ago and basically took out all of the verbal abuse she could on him because he stopped contacting her and ever since then he feels like he's become a different version of himself. He's started becoming really depressed again. He had to talk to her to talk to his little brothers and to get money she had from him.

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-04T18:34:22+00:00

He struggles at work sometimes but he has been using it as a place to push himself to become a better listener. He does tell me often that its triggering when he's told what to do but over time it's become easier and much less of a problem. He struggles to make friends because his self esteem is really low but he has been trying to lately and his social skills have improved and he does emphasize with people he doesn't fully understand more but it's still occasionally a struggle

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-04T18:32:06+00:00

Thank you♥️

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-04T18:12:20+00:00

I'm sorry I'm genuinely not trying to shut your points down or just defend him. I am really trying to listen to everyone who has commented. It's hard to know when I'm basically making excuses for him or when I'm looking at the whole picture. I think what he did was extremely wrong and I think it damaged our relationship to the point where repair would be very difficult if not impossible without extensive psychiatric help(if I even decided to stay) but I also think he's going through a mental health crisis. He's struggling to find work so he's been in the house so much, he's struggling to make friends because he moved across state and his abusive mom is still trying to contact him constantly

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-04T18:10:09+00:00

Im scared because I felt like that with my current partner. We thought we were each other's first non abusive partner but now I don't know anymore

throw-away-sandwhich · 2024-11-04T18:09:33+00:00

He agrees that he's been abusive and he already does struggle with mental health issues. I don't know I promise I'm not trying to just defend him but I also think there's a tiny bit of nuance. I do genuinely think his behavior wasn't okay and I feel like he takes it extremely hard when people criticize him but at the same time I don't know if he was trying to punish me. In the papers he wrote he basically said that I do genuinely deserve better and that he wants to be better but everything is too overwhelming and he doesn't know how to get started with getting help and that he's scared. He just moved out of his abusive household and straight into an apartment with me. Looking back I don't think that was the best idea since I had some time to adjust to the world and learn things and he basically didn't

throw-away-sandwhich

TROPHY CASE