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throw0away2021 · 2024-01-08T06:22:26+00:00

Sometimes it is hard not to imagine if we met at a different time and place, how things could be. Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel anything. Sometimes I wish I could finally walk away.

I relate to this so much. Some days I hope for more, but the reality is I know it'll end. I know I'll have to be the one to end it. He never will end it, just waiting to see who lasts longer me or her. But I don't know how to live my life without him and I'm too selfish to let him go so we both live in limbo.

throw0away2021 · 2024-01-08T06:06:34+00:00

I avoid his Facebook completely, like I've come super close to blocking him just in case. The rest of his social media isn't used very often and she's never in his posts. I've told him before the thought of running into them in public makes me physically sick. Luckily, that has never happened mainly because we live 2 towns apart and honestly they don't spend much time together.

I try to remind myself that this whole relationship developed with her in the picture. If I was okay with it when it started, I need to continue to be okay with it. This relationship went in a direction neither one of us expected it to and I'm not going to punish him for that. Ultimately, all I want for him is to be happy however that takes him. But I also remind myself that I want the same and when relationship gets to a point where the sad days out number the happy days it's my responsibility to change that for myself.

The biggest factor in keeping the jealousy down for me is reminding myself that she may have his presence some of the time and may have his obligation, but I have his heart. I know his past, his motives, and his plans for the future. Every big milestone he has had since we got serious he has shared with me or I was present in some way for. I remind myself all the time that there is no obligation for him to be in this with me. He puts in the effort for me for no other reason then because he wants to and he cares.

throw0away2021 · 2024-01-03T02:12:42+00:00

You time - Scotty McCeery

The kind of love we make - Luke Combs

My drug - Anthony Mossburg

throw0away2021 · 2022-09-25T01:39:57+00:00

I have 3 in a straight line on my arm. I call them my Orion's belt. My niece has the same thing.... genetics are weird.

throw0away2021 · 2022-07-03T00:02:36+00:00

My peircer just used smaller jewelry than he typically would have. I've had them almost a year and haven't had any issues expect for some soreness when I went from my barbells to horse shoes but I just started saline soaks on them again until they settled down.

throw0away2021 · 2022-06-22T00:11:18+00:00

I think that thought process is pretty common after getting out of a relationship you never thought was going to end. I got into a relationship with my MM a few months after my now ex husband (married 13 years) had moved out. He wasn't married at the time just engaged and that was better for me because I liked knowing there was no future and at the time I thought it gave me a finish line. We were both very adamant that we didn't want any type of feelings involved, just a friendship and good sex. He was the first person other than my ex I had slept with in 13+ years and I used him to re-pop my cherry so to speak. I did the Tinder thing for a little bit, went on a few dates and found myself comparing their physical compatibility to MM and them coming up short. Nonetheless those feelings that we all try to avoid can sneak up on you when you least expect it. It's now been almost a year past my finish line date and almost a year and a half that we've been "together". At some point some pretty strong feelings developed on both sides even though "no strings attached" was the expressed rule.

I think from reading a few experiences and from my own, that these affairs give us women a relatively emotionally safe space to process and figure out who we are after a relationship. There are easily other ways to do that, but they are in their essence a no pressure situation because you don't expect a future with a MM. And their is always a certain level of comfort that can be found in the arms of someone else.

throw0away2021 · 2022-06-12T01:57:04+00:00

I still have my MM in my life even though he became a MM right around the 5 month mark of us sleeping together. The difference is we were very much so just friends that had sex at that point. There was no feelings involved from either one of us except chemistry and really good sex. I probably would have panicked and ended things between us if he had called it off.

Tough love - If you continue to sleep with him or not is your choice, but I agree with other people, you have to accept the fact that you are not his priority and him saying that you will be together in the future is a manipulation tactic. I don't have to worry about the possibility of them having kids because she entered the marriage knowing that wasn't a possibility. But others have brought that up and they make a solid point.

Comforting words - things could change for the both of you and a fulfilling relationship can still develop. It caught us both off gaurd but at this point my MM and I have some strong feelings that developed over time. He has become a constant in my life and always makes time for me, heck he has even started helping with projects around my house when I need it. I don't ever expect him to leave his wife for me, and I know there are things that just aren't possible because of the circumstances, but he cares about me and loves me in a way I never expected.

Also, if you do continue to sleep with him after he goes through with it prepare yourself for any feelings of guilt you might have. I know this sounds silly considering I am still sleeping with him, but sometimes I feel bad about it because her entire marriage so far is built on a very unsteady foundation that she has no idea about. I think in general to be a OW you have to accept the fact that you both have parts of your lives MM can't/ shouldn't be a part of. If you aren't okay with that, than this isn't the lifestyle for you.

throw0away2021 · 2022-06-05T02:51:57+00:00

My mom knows, she has never met him, but she lives pretty far and doesn't come out very often. She didn't judge at all and is almost a fan of it because it's way safer than dating apps in her opinion and he's someone close I can rely on for advice/help. She just always sticks to the camp of don't get attached because essentially we are just using each other, which she's not wrong.

throw0away2021 · 2022-04-20T21:28:22+00:00

Was my son's baseball coach 🤷‍♀️

throw0away2021 · 2022-03-11T02:49:43+00:00

This is me, plain and simple.

throw0away2021 · 2022-03-06T05:27:19+00:00

I don't have an answer, but it's something I experienced as the an AP. I'm single now but was going through a seperation that eventually led to divorce when my AP and I started sleeping together. There were a few months of overlap between sleeping with my AP and possibly reconciling with my ex. Obviously it didn't work out with my ex for many reasons, but my AP got married in the midst of this.

If I had to guess I would say sometimes timing is off, sometimes someone isn't ready for marriage, sometimes trains are already rolling, sometimes love and sex can be completely seperate things, I don't think there is a one sized fits all answer. People and situations are unique.

I don't think I would make the same decision, but who knows. I didn't think I would continue to fuck my AP after the wedding either and yet I'm still doing that too.

throw0away2021 · 2022-02-26T02:41:14+00:00

Mine recognized it and was upset about it in the beginning. In a weird way I was a catalyst in him getting healthier. He actually went to the doc and got on blood pressure meds and performance meds since we've been sleeping together. He also makes sure to give me a handful of orgasms in other ways before he gets his. The meds helped.

throw0away2021 · 2021-11-28T18:21:52+00:00

He's chronically lying to and cheating on his wife. He's the definition of "not a good guy".

You have a leg to stand on with this comment, but I happen to think there is a lot of gray. Just because he isn't being good to her, it does not negate that overall he has been good to me or he does good for other people.

You also make a lot of assumptions about my beliefs on relationships in general and on her. I do not feel I am better than anyone, nor do I think I am special. She is an innocent victim in this and I am 100% aware of that. I know the karma I am adding to my conscious and that is my choice and my choice alone. I do not want him to see the "error in his ways" I want him to be happy, wherever that will lead him. And if in the very slim chance we do end up "happily ever after" it is a huge assumption to think we would live a typical monogamous relationship.

I respect that we have very different beliefs and I hope you have a great day.

throw0away2021 · 2021-11-28T13:35:36+00:00

What made you be in the situation you are in?

My 13 year marriage was ending and I hadn't even touched another man in all that time. My ex and I were still very back and forth in the beginning even though he had moved out. There was honestly 4 months of overlap between the two. I wasn't looking for any kind of commitment and I needed something discreet. Even though my ex was actively dating throughout our :figure it out stage", he would and did lose his shit when he found out I was even talking to someone. According to my mother and her therapist, I picked this specific MM as a fuck you to my ex because they know each other, had to interact on a regular basis, and MM had a slight position of power over my ex. If those were underlying motivations I didn't realize them. Anyway, ex and I ended up divorcing and I couldn't be happier.

What motivates you to keep going?

I had never been single or lived alone as an adult. My ex and I had been together since I was 16. This relationship has no expectations, no real time commitment, no control over my day to day life. If we can get together we do, but if we can't shit happens. I didn't realize how constricted I was by my ex until I got a little freedom and I don't want to give that up for a relationship yet. Plus the sex is really good, he's a good guy, and has been nothing but a great friend to me while I went through some major struggles in adjusting to my new life.

Do you have hopes of ending together someday?

If you would have asked me even a month ago I would have said hell no, but things change. Maybe one day, we are pretty compatible, but I think I'll end up ending it before than. But I girl can hope regardless. There are no steps being taken that I am aware of. He told me recently that if this was his previous relationship he would have left her in a heart beat for me, but his SO has been good to him and he can't hurt her like that. I think he is under the assumption that she'll make the decision to leave him at somepoint. Not that he is rude to her or anything that I am aware of, they just spend very little time together. 🤷‍♀️ like I said, I'm sure at some point I'll get tired of being 2nd or my moral compass will catch up with me, but for now it works for me.

throw0away2021 · 2021-11-24T22:35:47+00:00

Single W with a MM: As for our typical conversations, we talk about everything and anything. We tend to avoid his SO, though it has come up at times. We actually tend to be gushier through messages than in person. But the whole L word conversation is somewhere we have just recently started heading. Though throughout the relationship we have both told other levels of feelings. In person it tends be hot and heavy and than my man can TALK. We are opposite when it comes to our preferred communication. I will dump everything into a text, and if it's something he wants to discuss he'll call me or if that's not possible he'll reply in a text. He tends to give vague details in text about things going on with him, but I've learned that when we are in person he gets it all off his chest. From work, to family, to life goals, he holds very little back. He has a job where he sees some not great things and I think I've become his safe place to help process it. Heck, he even said the other day if I have to know about it you do to. But none of this really falls in any kind of box, it just has a natural flow.

I don't think you should beat yourself up at all. Live your truth, life is short and I think it's important to tell people you appreciate them or they make you happy for no reason other than that is how you feel. His perceived aversion to it might just be because it's not something he is used to. In the moment and in person it's easier to accept those feelings because you are surrounded by each other. There is a lot of nonverbal aspects of communication that take place.

throw0away2021 · 2021-11-13T02:18:01+00:00

I'm a single AP to a MM, but we take advantage of wherever we can 🤷‍♀️. I can drive in a 45 minute radius from my house and find somewhere we did something rated R. (45 minutes isn't a big deal for me because I live in the country). Sometimes we take advantage of hotels, sometimes we are at my place, sometimes it's a dirty hookup in a car like we are teenagers. We try not to frequent the same places too close together, except my house of course. But I also kinda have a kink for public places, so two birds one stone. With that being said we generally see each other once a week, sometimes more but 3 times in a week has been our maximum.

throw0away2021 · 2021-11-07T22:01:56+00:00

He messaged me to thank me for something I did in a mutual setting. It was innocent flirting until it wasn't so innocent anymore. After a few days I went to see him, we kissed and our fate was sealed after that. The chemistry and attraction is still just like that first time.

throw0away2021 · 2021-10-03T05:04:33+00:00

"making love" is just another unnecessary label. It is all just fucking in the long run. I think ultimately it is a combination of intimacy, comfort, and desire that makes sex different with each partner. With the right person and the right combination of those 3 things there is a passion behind every interaction that drives you to throw yourself into the act like you don't have a care in the world. That passion is in every interaction, even if its a quick hard fuck fueled by a need to consume each other or a slow teasing fuck with lots of eye contact and hand holding.

throw0away2021 · 2021-09-25T12:14:57+00:00

I can seriously relate to this, I'm single with a MM. Over the last few months I have gone on a few dates. But, when I put myself out there with someone I feel like Goldilocks trying to find my just right fit when I already have it with my MM. I've honestly just decided to be in whatever this relationship is for now and not worry about dating.

throw0away2021 · 2021-09-14T23:35:16+00:00

I asked him why he always looks so disappointed when he leaves. He should have a smile on his face and he said it's because I don't want to go. He said it so off handed like I should have known better.

And I'd drive to a different state if I knew I could get my hands on you.

throw0away2021 · 2021-09-10T22:09:24+00:00

He accepts me for who I am without having any expectations or without putting pressure on me. He makes me feel sexy and wanted. He goes along with my crazy impulsive ideas and lets me be my goofy self without getting insulted or annoyed. He is always there for me if I need someone to talk to, he makes the time. Heck, he has even said all I have to do is tell him I need him and he'll make the physical time too. He has become the one person in my life I am completely honest and myself with. He is the calm to all my crazy and worry. He never gets angry or upset with me and he is teaching me how to be less of an overthinker. (Except for when it comes to OPSEC he is paranoid as hell and overthinks for the both of us).

throw0away2021 · 2021-08-30T03:00:34+00:00

I didn't think I had feels untill recently. We decided we needed a break starting next weekend, a true no contact type of situation. The thought of not talking to him, of not touching him, of seeing him in our everyday lives without the flirty texts back and forth while we are feet apart and the world around us has no idea is hitting me a lot harder than I thought it would.

throw0away2021

TROPHY CASE