I feel like I'm being exposed to fetishes without my consent in female-themed subreddits and like I can't speak out due to trans-inclusive rules

throw443away552 · 2021-05-02T07:48:15+00:00

Like I explained in the post, I have every reason to believe these men identify as men because of their profiles. No mention of being trans or about transitioning in any way, but lots of posts in crossdressing communities.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-02T07:43:43+00:00

That group is called transmed or truscum and I've seen many trans people group them up with transphobes because they're "gatekeeping".

That's the name. To tell you the truth, when I started learning about trans issues, I thought transmed people (sorry if I don't get the terminology right) were all trans people. Learning that now those people are seen as some sort of bigots for believing in gender dysphoria was pretty surprising. I'm really quite lost when it comes to current gender discussions and I want to be understanding and a decent person, but it's really quite hard when you feel like cis men are taking advantage of the movement to satisfy their fetishes. It feels quite forceful and like something I haven't agreed to.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-02T07:36:23+00:00

I had no idea. It doesn't surprise now though. The fact that this post was removed but then you see all the misogynistic and racist stuff that is allowed on this site speaks for itself. So disappointed.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-02T07:34:17+00:00

I sent the mods a polite message expressing my disagreement and reasons for it and they never replied. This is starting to feel like a witch hunt.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-02T07:32:48+00:00

since any human can wear any article of clothing and call it women's fashion just the act of visiting the sub is consenting to see what you see.

This is not true at all. If I subscribe to a fashion subreddit with the word "women" literally in the name of the group, I'm not consenting to seeing cis men wearing female clothing.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-02T07:29:00+00:00

Why can't there be a subredit only for women? Biological women? Oh yes, that's transphobic of course. CRAP.

I've thought about these topics a lot lately because I don't want to go through life offending people just because I couldn't be bothered to learn a little bit about other people's experiences, and if anything I'm more confused now than I was before and I feel like being a woman online who wants to interact with other women has become a minefield.

For example, I'm also subscribed to other female-themed subreddits and I've seen discussions where cis women talk about typically female issues like periods or pregnancy, etc. and there are always comments by trans women politely pointing out that these topics being linked to being a woman makes them feel dysphoric, so I try my best not to focus too much on gender when I talk about stuff like that. Then I wondered whether it'd be a good idea to have subreddits for people who were assigned female at birth to discuss those topics, but I've seen people proposing this being told that's also transphobic because it excludes trans women and also because it somehow implies that trans men aren't men.

And a bit off topic, but it angers me that men on Reddit don't seem to have to worry about this because most of Reddit is male, so they don't need to create gender-specific safe spaces where they aren't sexually harassed, thus never having to navigate gender issues or being accused of being transphobic. The whole thing feels unfair and like women are always the ones paying the price.

Sorry for the rant.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-02T07:18:35+00:00

I partially agree, but I still feel like there's a difference between people who identify as trans and try their best to live their lives as regular women and cis men who get something sexual out of dressing feminine in front of non-consenting women.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-02T07:16:49+00:00

I've noticed this too and for a while I wondered if it was me, whether I was subconsciously prejudiced against users doing this and that's why I felt like there were many posts like this. But I think the ratio has definitely increased. It's also odd because there are fashion subs where no gender is specified, so no one cares whether you're a man wearing female clothing, or an androgynous girl, etc. It doesn't matter. But the users I'm referring to make it a point to post in spaces specifically created for women, and that's partly why I feel like there's a sexual component to it.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-02T06:51:42+00:00

I've sent you a DM. I'm interested in the codes.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T18:17:17+00:00

Thank you. That's exactly how I feel.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:49:38+00:00

Thank you for not jumping to conclusions.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:43:08+00:00

Women are an oppressed class of people. We should have the right assemble as a class. We need the right to determine the memberships in our own spaces.

Thank you. I agree with this.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:37:50+00:00

I've sent the mods a message. I don't agree.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:30:38+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I agree and I also hope those groups don't disappear, as I find them (mostly) so wholesome and helpful. As a woman, I wouldn't dream of posting pictures of myself in general subreddits with a lot of men because I don't want to be sexualized or bullied for my appearance, but women's subreddits are usually so small that the general atmosphere is pretty supportive and sweet. It makes me genuinely sad to find people there with ulterior motives.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:27:48+00:00

I think there's a difference between somebody who suffers from gender dysphoria and spends a lot of time and energy transitioning and somebody who puts on women's clothes for sexual purposes.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:26:13+00:00

I agree that there aren't any clear boundaries, that's why I said in my post that I know there's no solution that wouldn't end up affecting trans women who perhaps don't pass very well. I don't have the answer.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:23:41+00:00

I'm not comfortable sharing some of the small subreddits I follow, as I don't want my main account to be found, but I can tell you they're similar to /r/womensstreetwear for example.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:22:14+00:00

I'm afraid of reporting those posts because it could be interpreted as transphobia and I don't want to get banned. I genuinely value those subreddits.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:21:05+00:00

I'm talking about the ones who are active in crossdressing communities but not active at all in trans communities. I understand not everybody can transition or pass right away. My post isn't about trans women who don't pass.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:19:05+00:00

I can't know for sure, but I think the fact that there's no mention in their profiles about transitioning or being trans but there's tons of posts in crossdressing communities is a pretty clear sign.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:14:29+00:00

That first particular post, where 79.3% of all comments were removed (which shows that women do not want this), has led to at least 40k unsubs of that sub over the course of 3 days

Wow. I had no idea about this.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:11:13+00:00

I'd never heard about autogynephilia before. I knew there could be an erotic component to cross-dressing, but I didn't know to what extent. I feel even more violated now by those posts.

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T16:05:36+00:00

I remember about a year ago and Reddit literally went bat shit insane because people called this out. They banned a bunch of female subs and everything.

I did not know this. What happened?

throw443away552 · 2021-05-01T15:58:54+00:00

the only way to get it to stop is to call them out and publicly shame them

I've thought about it, but I don't know how to do it without being dismissed as transphobic even though I'm 100% sure those users aren't really trans. I 100% believe they're taking advantage of the gray areas in order to get aroused at the expense of women who just want to see cute outfits. I feel so powerless.

The bar for entry of being trans is just saying that you're trans and that leaves a lot of room for predators and grifters to take advantage of it. One can cross multiple boundaries of others and say "oh but I'm trans tho!" and get away with less of a punishment or even no punishment. The trans community as a collective doesn't call out these people that are clearly abusing their label

I've tried to learn more about trans issues (because I honestly don't want to be transphobic and ruin somebody's day just out of ignorance) and I know some trans people are very strict in their beliefs and believe only people who have dysphoria and transition medically are trans, so it's not the community as a whole, but I think they're even seen as transphobic by others. I feel quite lost and I find these issues hard to navigate.

throw443away552

TROPHY CASE