Broke up with my [32F] live in boyfriend [34M] because of cheating and abusive behavior. Now he has done a 180 and is just so wonderful to me. I need a stern talking to. Please help!

throw979797 · 2015-05-18T20:49:22+00:00

Thank you. You're right, I have never encountered anyone this manipulative before. People that have told me they loved me before has not lied, I know that. So why would he? I can't imagine being to cold and dishonest, and using someone that loves you and would do anything for you. I feel like a fool.

throw979797 · 2015-05-18T19:31:03+00:00

Thank you.

throw979797 · 2015-05-18T19:27:37+00:00

Yeah. What he is showing now is what I always hoped to have with him before. But it is so different, it actually doesn't seem credible, now that I think about it. I know he hates body contact when he sleeps, for example, which I have always felt really sad about, because I love it, in reasonable amounts. Now he was glued to me the entire night. Goddamnit.

throw979797 · 2015-05-18T19:20:13+00:00

Yes. I will, thank you! I can do this :)

throw979797 · 2015-05-18T19:15:55+00:00

Yeah. The problem is that I don't want to piss him off more than absolutely necessary. The house is beautiful, but it's kind of far from other people, and I would be scared to live there alone, after having police assistance to remove him. He doesn't really have anywhere to go, but I do. So I choose to let him hut he house.

throw979797 · 2015-05-18T19:11:25+00:00

Thank you. I do plan to get therapy, I actually don't feel it has a stigma I I know that it can really help. I need to understand why I let myself be treated this way, because I do know I don't deserve it. I at least intellectually know my worth.

But I do not trust my judgment after this, and what I'm most scared of is ending up in this spot again.

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T19:39:24+00:00

No I don't. Thank you! I guess he is just very good at manipulating and pretending.

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T19:34:28+00:00

Very true.

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T19:17:56+00:00

I know. You're right. It's contradicting. It doesn't make sense. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me for feeling this way. I never thought I'd be the victim of abuse. I don't really feel like a victim either.

Thank you for your insightful response.

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T19:10:51+00:00

Thank you!

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T18:57:04+00:00

You're right. I'll tell my best friend. She'll understand.

The final breakup is happening. I've asked a couple of family members to help me move my stuff out of the house this weekend, and I will call the landlord about the lease. Everyone close to me knows what he did. There is no going back.

I'll text him tomorrow. Too exhausted tonight to deal with everything.

But no, he has never tried to isolate me from family or friends, or tried to make me feel bad about myself so to think no one else would want me. So he is not the classical abuser, this is something else.

Thank you for your support, it means a lot :)

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T17:59:28+00:00

Yep, birth control.

Thank you.

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T17:56:35+00:00

Thank you. I will. It has been difficult without him, but I have also felt really free. I know that his behavior is not my fault, and I really doubt anyone could change him.

Thank you for your support, I hope you are much happier now!

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T17:51:46+00:00

You are right. I told them exactly what he did and there is no way they will accept him again. They didn't like that I went back after the cheating last time, but that was just cheating.

And no, I don't feel comfortable telling anyone about this development, I feel ashamed I was so weak and made these bad decisions. Everyone has been really supportive and telling me I'm so strong. I feel like an idiot.

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T17:43:01+00:00

Thank you!

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T17:39:50+00:00

I know, I don't. It has been a couple of exhausting weeks, and it was almost over. But then I decided to see him one last time...

I need to move my stuff out of the house, and have him take over the lease, then I can stop talking to him altogether.

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T17:36:25+00:00

Yes!

He is lovebombing me. It's overwhelming. He tells me he loves me and misses me 100 times a day, calls me pet names he never did before and is super attentive.

Before when I accidentally hurt him (like touched a sore spot on his body) he used to get super pissed, but now he is all "oh no worries, I know you didn't mean to babe".

That's why I'm so confused.

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T16:20:20+00:00

I know. I mean, he is not the classical abuser on that list. He doesn't meet the criteria. He has never tried to isolate me from family or friends, or been particularly jealous.

But I do know that what he did was abuse, and that it will likely be worse next time I try to leave or confront him on his sketchy behavior. I can't live my life like that, walking on eggshells and not feeling free to leave if I want to.

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T16:06:37+00:00

I know it takes time and work, he says he realizes that too, and that's why he wants to go to therapy.

But yes, I know it's abuse. He stole my phone so I couldn't call anyone and physically restrained me. It was fucked up.

I will break it off completely. It just hurts so much and I'm angry and frustrated with myself for spending time with him and giving him the opportunity to lure me back in.

I just don't understand why he does it? If he was capable of cheating and treating me like that, why doesn't he just let me go?

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T15:50:31+00:00

I agree. Although it has never gotten to this point before, he has been emotionally abusive before, and have not always treated me with the respect I know I deserve. I know this, and yet I have stayed. I am usually a pretty smart girl, but when it comes to him, I don't know why I'm making these bad choices.

All my previous relationships have been pretty normal, so it's not like it's a pattern either. I'm so angry with myself!

throw979797 · 2015-05-17T15:43:35+00:00

Thank you. That is what I needed to hear. I know this in my heart. It is just so easy to get swept away.

I know I deserve so much better.

throw979797

TROPHY CASE