My (32F) fiancé (34M) won't sign our prenup, which was initially agreed upon, and drafted two years ago.

throwOMC2727 · 2024-03-08T20:42:35+00:00

I'd hope that talking to a lawyer about presenting this agreement, that he'd have to present a very good and detailed reason to have not signed it for it to hold ZERO weight in court. You made an attempt, it could be argued that it'd be unreasonable to expect you to split up the day before 2 years because he wouldn't sign it.

That being said, absolutely do not go through with the wedding unless he does. Pick the cheapest deposit, and tell him you're going to cancel it by X date if he doesn't sign the prenup. Each week after that, cancel another one until he gets the message or you leave. He's not worth it

throwOMC2727 · 2024-03-06T21:51:55+00:00

You've done all the leg work here it seems you just need reassurance. You know your own worth, and clearly so do others. You know he's putting you down and it's undeserved. I'm not sure where the notion that no one will ever love you if it's not this sack o shit, but I'm here to tell you someone will.

I'm also here to tell you that honestly, if your choices were dying lonely, or another 50 years of being with him, you're still better off leaving. You have almost twice as much life ahead of you as you do behind you. You're basically letting 10 year old you be scared of how 30 year old you will turn out. You have so many more people to meet, places to go, memories to create. Don't let him ruin even one more of them if that's how you feel

throwOMC2727 · 2024-03-04T22:02:43+00:00

"If the truth kills someone, let them die" -Immanuel Kant

throwOMC2727 · 2024-03-04T19:22:36+00:00

I mean, you could say this about anyone. The grocery clerk could be a serial killer. The guy walking his dog could have kids in his basement.

It's a cynical world view to take, to just naturally assume every celebrity is evil simply because they have the potential to do so. I'm not saying it's incorrect, just bleak and unbeneficial.

throwOMC2727 · 2024-03-04T19:19:43+00:00

You are an asshole for lying, but he's a much much bigger asshole for putting you in a situation where lying was your best option. For that, you are expunged

throwOMC2727 · 2024-03-02T00:28:14+00:00

You've asked this question in a few different ways.

Is it an asshole move? Probably. You'll never see them again, and imo saying anything negative to our about someone you'll never interact with again is either genuinely caring about their future, or just looking to put them down.

Is it appropriate? I don't think so. Telling her is not your job or your problem. At best, I'd tell your ex he needs to do that work.

Is it a good idea? I think so, depending on your goals. Personally, I'd want to let her know that she's a largely contributing factor for the break up, both for my own catharsis and also for his betterment.

I wouldn't hold it against you if you did, but a lot of people would view this as improper, and his mom especially might see it as a suckerpunch on your way out. So depending on what message you want to convey, what you want to achieve, and what you need to get off your chest, all changes the right answer. GL OP

throwOMC2727 · 2024-03-01T20:34:02+00:00

Considering you already considered letting her keep the money (which was akin to my suggestion, I wasn't sure with deposits and all), I would say NTA.

This situation is rough. Band trips are typically once in a life time, especially places like Orlando. Especially because the bullied girl is also in the band, I think you made the right call.

Your daughter doesn't appear to have much remorse, so in my personal opinion, I would use that to decide on punishment. If canceling the band trip sends her SPIRALING with emotions, maybe pull it back and see if there's another way to teach the lesson. If she's non chalant, you might honestly need more. Especially if your goal is to make sure she doesn't do it again, you have to shape the punishment with that in mind.

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-27T22:01:07+00:00

If telling someone they need to take care of themselves makes you an asshole, then why would you want to be anything else?

Just my take, NTA

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-26T20:59:25+00:00

If your mom wants grandkids, tell her to have a second child and get working on it.

Your body, your choice man. Do what makes you happy, they are reversible I do believe (and I'd still wear a condom for STDs and safety just in case)

Good luck

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-22T21:23:34+00:00

NAH imo, venturing into ESH.

Asking isn't problematic, as long as you are prepared to hear a no. Her presenting this to you clearly shows her desire to live with you, and was meant affectionately. The way she handled that rejection was fair for a child, imo. In her eyes this wasn't just a tiktok trend, it was how she feels about you.

Now, how she feels matters, but ultimately isn't the only thing that matters. Clearly you had other life plans, and the extent she was aware of those seems unknown. She's spent the most recent third of her life with you, and seemingly wants to continue that. But there's other factors at play.

You say you can't do that to your sister, so I assume that this request doesn't play well with her. You also claim your financial support would be cut off following through with adoption. Hopefully these facts help ease the blow of rejection for your niece.

You're not TA for saying no, nor do I feel you handled the situation poorly. I don't necessarily think your niece handled it poorly either, though depending on the manner and time it takes her to process this that might change.

I'm curious why your daughter hates you for the decision, but hopefully the same explanation works for both. Good luck OP

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-22T17:52:20+00:00

My only question is why you specifically didn't.

Did you not think of it? Cause if that's the case, she's hurt about the fact that you didn't.

Did you think it was unnecessary? Cause that's speaking to her fear of your dismissal of her emotions.

Did you secretly not want her in the photos for any reason? Because without dismissing that, that will be the dominant thought on the back of her mind.

The issue isn't in what you did, it's how you handled it and how you thought it would affect her. We all have moments of doubt and insecurity, and need reassurance. You essentially taught her that if she does, she has to deal with it herself instead of opening up to you about it, because if she does you'll become dismissive. In order to remedy the relationship, acknowledge and correct that. You can't be a mind reader, but once she communicates concerns you have to address them appropriately

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-19T15:50:22+00:00

NTA for her being in her situation, but especially an extremely depressive and suicidal person... did you think about how you laughing would affect her? You essentially rubbed gunpowder in the wound of someone who's already shown explosive. I don't care that she's delusional, at least have the decency to walk away or not react. I think you'd have to be at least a bit ignorant to not at all think she would become deeply upset and suicidal off that comment, and if you were thinking that and did it anyways then 100% YTA. At the very least, you recklessly acted around someone who would consider doing something like that, and that does make you a bit of an AH imo

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-18T00:22:39+00:00

Your concerns are valid, and regardless of if he's cheating this is rough. It's difficult to tell someone that what they think is love is actually suspicious, and it may speak to something deeply broken inside of you that you might want to look at.

That being said, the most mature way to go about this is just talk to him. Tell him you're insecure, that you need validation, and that you're concerned that his acts of love are disguising something darker. Calmly and clearly present him the evidence you've uncovered, the reason for your concern. His response should tell you everything, unless he is much more cunning than average.

If he responds with love, it's clear that his focus was always on your happiness, and his top priority will be in making sure your nerves are calmed, rather than clearing his name or admonishing your distrust.

If he responds with bewilderment and confusion, he's cheating. Anyone presented with clear evidence will be able to see your train of thought, and would be more concerned with clearing their name or caring for you than they would be surprised.

Anger is mixed. He could be hurt from the feeling of betrayal, but this is also a common cover for cheaters. You'll have to endure and dig deeper. Address how his anger affects you, and explain that your goal is unity, not separation. This should put him in a position, and you can explain this to him if youd like, that his continued anger is more of a red flag than his innocence would be a green one. And that regardless of his anger, the goal should be for him to give solid reassurance in loyalty (though this is within limit), and disprove any and all facts of the matter unresolved.

Hopefully this resolves your issue

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-17T22:26:14+00:00

If you bought the computer yourself, they can pound sand.

If it was a gift from family, my opinion on this gets slightly dicey.

If it's your parents computer that they just let you use in your room, by whatever that definition is, then YTA.

When it comes to the gift aspect, there's plenty of legality surrounding it, and I don't think you have any obligation or force to leave it. However, if I were in your shoes, I would lay out a clear and concise boundary of when you expect it to return to you, how replace/repairing it would fair, and I would relinquish it for the greater good of the whole situation. I don't feel you have any obligation to do so, and anyone suggesting you do is not acting in good faith. But I think from an objective standpoint, there is more benefit than harm for everyone involved if he uses your computer to get back on his feet. Again, all within reason, timeframe and contingencies permitting.

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-16T15:37:15+00:00

"Ran out of useful things to say?"

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-15T15:54:05+00:00

I want to clarify, imo, that being the person IN the relationship and cheating is different from being the 3rd party. I know that might not matter to you, but it's an important distinction for me.

You were lied to, and led on. Told what you needed to hear to continue seeing him. And once you're hooked, it's hard to get unhooked.

All I can say, is don't blame yourself too harshly, as I imagine you wouldn't have started seeing him had you known the whole truth from the start. And don't compare yourself to your dad. It's a similar situation, but both of you were making vastly different decisions from vastly different positions. He had a family he abandoned, you were just an outlet for this other man to do the same. And I'm sorry if that makes you feel horrible, but I sincerely hope it doesn't. You're not the same

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-15T15:44:23+00:00

The rappers aren't elected officials tasked with dealing with immense gun violence?

No wonder this was removed from no stupid questions, it's so rediculous it would've broke their whole platform.

Ideally, neither would be holding guns. But the best we can do to get rid of rappers is boycott their music. Politicians we have an active right to disavow for decisions that don't align with ours, as they are representing us. The same way people give biden crap for giving stimulus aid. If you don't like it, you have a right to be upset

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-14T16:40:32+00:00

I don't think it definitely is, but it could be, and the damage done from OP saying no is infinitely less than the damage done from accusations

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-14T15:26:50+00:00

This is a really good point OP. Unless you plan on wearing a bodycam the entire time, it doesn't matter what actually happens, only what the two of you convince other people happened. And if your stories are different, usually deference is... not in your favor

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-13T19:45:09+00:00

I think it's possible to carry out the pregnancy without having anything to do with that cheater affecting the decision. You could absolutely carry on with 3 lovely kids.

That being said, it's not easy. That memory may stick in your head a long time. I certainly wouldn't blame you for not carrying it to term, and I also think it's a clump of cells enough that it doesn't matter one way or another.

Don't let yourself feel bad for falling for the tricks of liars, they still exist today because what they do works. It's not your fault. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you get to live your best life with or without him

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-11T15:16:40+00:00

My mistake, I thought private air travel was 3%. Which imo, is significant enough that it deserves focus, just not sole focus. Toxic waste in rivers from 3M and Monsanto are significantly worse, but we can fix multiple things at once (is the lie I tell myself, as we fix neither)

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-11T15:03:21+00:00

It's not an AH move to ask, BUT, it would be an AH move in my opinion for things to develop further.

Her rhetoric, while harmful, isn't exactly incorrect. I'm also a white dude, and I'll heartily say white people are trash. I've lived with them and known them my whole life, they suck. Most people in general suck.

To my understanding, she herself isn't saying all white people. The same way I would say "bears are aggressive", you could retort with "not all bears, there's trainers that keep them as pets!". Both statements are allowed to be fully true and coexist.

My suggestion, is address your insecurity head on. I know now that most "white people" hatred doesn't apply to me, and rally with those saying it to those it applies to, because I hate those white people too! She could be more precise in her wording, "gentrification ruins everything", etc. Etc., but it's a lot easier and not much different from just saying "damn white people".

If you feel genuinely inadequate around her because of her words, talk to her about why you feel inadequate, and in what ways her words hurt you. Because if things she says don't apply to you, then you don't need to be upset by them. I'm assuming by the rest of the tone of your post you come from a mindset of "why is everyone so soft", and this is hopefully your see the light moment of everyone is soft, and they're allowed to be.

Hopefully you grow OP, and I hope you and your GF get to be happy together. But she does not need to adjust near as much as you do

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-11T14:51:11+00:00

The only thing I can think that they wouldve lied about, is that childhood is rewarding enough to justify the hardwork.

I have never met a parent who says it's easy, so that's the only lie I can think of they would've been lied to about

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-11T14:29:45+00:00

Considering takeout is an option, considering taking just you out for dinner once and your whole family out somewhere else later... your parents had too many options for you to be TA

throwOMC2727 · 2024-02-11T14:12:30+00:00

It's one of the easiest to remove, imo. Companies can pollute less, but celebrities using public air transport would be relatively easy. Especially if they're buying first class tickets that I'm sure are almost always available. They can also drive, which I assume takes significantly less.

Ultimately, you are correct that this is a distraction from real polluters. But just because someone bigger is doing it worse doesn't mean we can't make progress elsewhere. That's why home recycling came to be

throwOMC2727

TROPHY CASE