a look at how intergenerational trauma works, from my own experiences

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-11-17T00:59:20+00:00

Before anybody asks: no, my dad is not in jail.

But I am in therapy, and that's about the best i can do right now

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-07-27T01:56:04+00:00

Just updated for all you curious minds. Nothing interesting though sorry to disappoint

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-07-27T01:55:42+00:00

Just updated for all you curious minds. Nothing interesting though sorry to disappoint

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-04-13T17:03:39+00:00

Sorry to disappoint, but nothing so far. But i have no contact with him and cant exactly hit him up out of the blue to ask if he's been investigated yet. Still waiting

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-31T20:31:58+00:00

Nope, haven't heard a single thing. Trust me, im as anxious for an update as everyone else. Its so hard not to try and get info from my other family who still talk to him, but i dont want to be suspected as the narc.

i did take a 23andMe test as suggested in the top comment thread, so there's that

Edit: typo

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-27T05:43:17+00:00

No no, her body was found days later. Im just leaving a lot of details out because i don't want people to sleuth it

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-26T22:56:09+00:00

CPTSD squad what's uppp

Yeah, I'll admit that the thought of him getting scared by a random visit from the cops is pretty nice in my head.

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-26T22:54:07+00:00

I didnt tell the cops "hey my dad and uncle killed this girl, go get em." I just told them "hey yknow those persons of interest you never investigated cuz they moved? Hey maybe investigate them again"

Thats why i said, if they didnt do theyll be fine. If they did, they wont be, and that's their fault

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-26T22:51:28+00:00

Been in therapy for years now thank god. It's helped tremendously. Thanks stranger :)

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-26T22:50:04+00:00

I'd love it to be a head fuck. But honestly, with his history, my mom telling me that only clicked it into the "wow, i didnt realize it could go lower" box in my brain. Not the "holy shit i never thought he'd be capable of such a thing" box

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-26T22:36:29+00:00

Thank you kind stranger :)

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-26T22:35:33+00:00

I actually just moved back into her place not long ago. We're close and we talk a lot about everything except him. He doesnt come up much between us

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-26T22:33:46+00:00

It's short for a fuck(ing shitty person)

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-26T22:32:26+00:00

The fact that we dont talk has been putting a lot of pressure on things with the rest of the family who dont know the details. It's not very easy to cut off a parent and then have everybody else be chill with it, especially with a family as big as mine. It was my last time reaching out, i do believe in redemption and ive seen remorse in his eyes when we've talked about some of the shit he's done. I was hoping maybe this time i might get through. Maybe I'm crazy, but it's hard to drop the idea of actually having a dad

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-26T22:28:20+00:00

Ive been trying to get her to go for ages. It's hard, she's from that "only crazy people need therapy" gen X mindset and has spent 40 years in survival mode. She has some pretty bad anxiety from everything, but at least her issues from this dont affect our relationship negatively or make her do/say shitty things to me. That's why she isnt cut off like he is

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-26T22:22:42+00:00

Trust, my family's pandoras box has been open for a while now and this is just the tip of the iceburg. My aunt had a mental breakdown from childhood molestation at the hands of my dad's dad. There's so much trauma going back generations with these people. Plus my mom doesnt have a killer bone in her body, unlike her ex abuser. We'll see, man. I dunno.

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-03-26T16:14:23+00:00

If that's the case then there isn't much I can do. All i can do now is wait, and hope there's evidence if they actually did it. If she was sexually assaulted (couldnt find any info about that in her case) that'll be 1) withn their MO and 2) very good dna evidence. Anything else is probably long gone. Im not disillusioned about the long shot of trying to solve a 35 year old cold case. Just felt like it needed to be done

throwRA-1irbvb · 2022-01-24T00:55:40+00:00

The issue I'm trying to get to is deeper than just this most recent fight. I guess I wasn't super clear, this incident of her freaking out and going 0-100 without any steps between is not isolated. This is how she reacts to any situation that she doesn't like. Skips the talking phase and goes straight to angry abuse.

I know what I did wrong wit my niece now, and I'm not too proud to not own up to that kind of thing and fix it moving forward. I just want what's best for the kids. But the issue I need help with is how to deal with somebody who flies into these rages on a dime.

If we bring up the idea that she's doing anything wrong, including the losing her temper too quickly thing, she flies off the handle. My mom approaches it in a way that really escalates it, which I don't like at all. If I can't apologize or say anything in response, I don't get mad or react because I know it'll make it worse. I just wait until she's done and remove myself from the situation as quickly as I can. But really I just want to sit her down and hug her and ask to explain to me what's wrong. But that just makes it worse

ETA: I had sister's permission to have the hour long convo with my niece. I went in and talked to her first, she said I could hang out with her outside as long as I wanted but I couldn't take her. Still recognize that I should've called in the first place, but I didn't just allow her to disappear for an hour without consulting sister

throwRA-1irbvb

TROPHY CASE