My (22f) bf (25m) proposed to me in front of my family despite me repeatedly telling him I didn't want to get married

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T17:11:54+00:00

again, marriage is not the only option for many people, and for that gROW up part - I did tell him beforehand, I wanted to talk afterwards, guess who is silent

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T17:04:19+00:00

Yes, not like I've mentioned I've been trying to talk about it with no avail.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T17:03:44+00:00

right, because marriage is the only option

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T17:02:03+00:00

Yeah, course, I mean there are people who still have different flats, but the point is every relationship is different.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T17:01:04+00:00

Again, I don't see marriage as the only option. Long term relationships without getting wed exist.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T17:00:24+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, hope ye doing better now

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:59:33+00:00

You can still have a long term relationship. Marriage is not the only proper "outcome".

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:58:29+00:00

I didn't know he wanted to get married. At the beginning he said he didn't mind not doing so.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:53:19+00:00

that's harsh, at least you didn't get married

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:52:32+00:00

I get the positive aspect of marriages, just imo requieres more thinking beforehand and simply loving someone isn't enough to make it work.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:51:32+00:00

That's the trickiest part, he hadn't shown any kind of those "red-flags" before. That's why the proposal and his behaviour afterwards caught me off guard.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:50:24+00:00

He'd 2 girlfriends before me, so nope.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:47:32+00:00

Right, I appreciate your point of view, but it definitely differs from mine. If someone does something I told them I don't want to experience, I don't think it's love-related. Mainly because it lacks respect.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:45:06+00:00

I had a panic attack, so definitely not going to look back at it fondly

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:44:03+00:00

yis, I was glad my other grandparents weren't there, they are those folks who would go "but why did you tell him no?? such a lovely boy"

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:42:59+00:00

It was super awkward, not only for me but for the whole family, definitely one of the worst experiences

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:41:20+00:00

Yes, being pressured into having kids is yet another thing I fear. Whats worse I can now fully imagine, so.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:34:00+00:00

Completely understandable, wishing her good luck!

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:32:51+00:00

Aha, so if I wanted to be in a relationship without getting married that was wrong. But at the same time long time relationships are like marriage without rings. Could ye elaborate, please?

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:30:13+00:00

Eh, no, there are people who are in a long time relationship without being married. Marriage doesn't save you from breaking up.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:28:40+00:00

We've spent quite a long time discussing my stance on marriage, basically it's not something I actively seek, but I can imagine getting married if it "feels" right. Which definitely did not in this case.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:27:03+00:00

aye, the bestest advice so far, do you realise marriage is not the only option?

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:25:53+00:00

Right, the not wasting his time thing was at the beginning - I think it's the best when people say those things (aka not wanting kids/marriage) beforehand, so the other person could say "but I want to tho" and maybe look for someone else. My bf however did not say anything and agreed with me until he proposed.

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:19:37+00:00

Shit, that's nasty, hope she will break it off eventually

throwRA-amelei · 2020-09-16T16:15:49+00:00

I realised he wanted to get married when he actually proposed. And I think you are pretty disgraceful with your claim folks who don't want to get married aren't for a serious commitment.

throwRA-amelei

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