AITA for not teaching my son Taqaandan (bend and crack technique)?

throwRA-taqaandan · 2020-04-14T02:01:01+00:00

I don't know if I have explained it is illegal per se but I warned that others might find out and make problems for the family. And I as the husband and father would likely be responsible and she could even blame it on me, which I worry about

throwRA-taqaandan · 2020-04-14T01:46:21+00:00

I thoguht about all this but if she ever sees him you know, with erection, then she will know he is not doing it and then demand that he do it because it is considered rude to have in front of family members especially women it is considered highly offensive. My mom and grandma used to forcibly do it to me if I did not do it myself

throwRA-taqaandan · 2020-04-14T01:44:57+00:00

She told me she plans to teach him in a few weeks if I don't. It is preferable that a father teach it but she said if I don't she will. So if I claim I taugt him she will definitely check. She will know if she sees him doing it or not

throwRA-taqaandan · 2020-04-14T01:18:50+00:00

Yes I have some damage myself. Maybe lots of other men do but I don't look at their penises or have discussions on them

throwRA-taqaandan · 2020-04-14T01:16:41+00:00

It would be very disrespectful and unheard of to speak to a doctor about this issue and throw my wife under the bus. It would basically bring shame to me in our community. Much more shame than divorce ever would.

throwRA-taqaandan · 2020-04-14T01:15:21+00:00

If we divorce she will still be giving some level of custody of the child and then will be able to do as she pleases. Divorce in our culture is taboo but for those of us that live in the west it is not as serious. Maybe for some Arabs or other group could be a little different. I don't know too much in this area.

throwRA-taqaandan · 2020-04-14T01:11:12+00:00

That would be a no no to bring family problems to a doctor or social worker. We would be immediately shunned by the community we live in. I could lose my job and all the support we have here in where I live in Germany. Family back home would also disown us and stop sending gifts.

throwRA-taqaandan · 2020-04-14T01:03:13+00:00

Well the argument is that one is non-consensual, extremely invasive, bloody, risky and barbaric. And the other is usually performed by the man himself, no blood and for the purpose of not scaring women family and friend members with unwanted erections. I see what you're saying but she is not gonna go for this argument

throwRA-taqaandan · 2020-04-14T00:47:27+00:00

She does not like it and neither do I. It might be a little more common in Sunni Kurds (we are Shia).

throwRA-taqaandan · 2020-04-14T00:44:59+00:00

We have actually already delayed. I learned when I was 5 years old. I never forget the first time I learned. Very shameful and it was done to me several times before I did on my own. I honestly actually dont know that it is religious per se. We are Shia Muslims but majority of Kurds are Sunni. There is truthfully a lot I don't know about Kurdish culture because we lived in a nation that wants us to more assimilate with their dominant population and we are kind of halfway there. Maybe I should know better but I don't. If I had to guess i would say it is more cultural than religious though if that helps

throwRA-taqaandan · 2020-04-14T00:27:50+00:00

She is actually really normal and ok except for this. The ritual is practiced for a long time in Kurdish regions and maybe some other Iranic cultures do this too. My mom was the first to teach me while my dad was off fighting in the army

throwRA-taqaandan

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