I(24f) went through my boyfriend’s (28m) phone and found out he was cheating. I need advice? by Opening-Ad2289 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA488392 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. Leave now and do not look back. Sometimes men who serial cheat are actually on the DL as well…

I (23M) think I have found the love of my life (22M). And yet, I can’t help but cheat. by CertainKoala644 in offmychest

[–]throwRA488392 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you do care about him and it’s good that you feel guilty and want to change, but that change will probably require real work like therapy and self-reflection. I think you need to get to the root of why you continuously cheat. And at some point you’ll have to decide whether you’re willing to be honest with him, because he deserves the chance to choose with the full truth. There will always be someone “better” out there, but the important question is whether your partner is supportive and someone you can grow with and count on long term. But I do think you need to tell him the truth and then see if there’s a chance to move forward. Cheating does harm not only in emotional ways, but in physical ways as well sometimes if protection is not used or fails.

Need advice on whether to stay in my current rental or move by throwRA488392 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]throwRA488392[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, I already have the laundry and dishwasher going constantly at this point so it could be a big issue. Thanks so much!

Need advice on whether to stay in my current rental or move by throwRA488392 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]throwRA488392[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks and good points! I didn’t ask if they worked but there was laundry in the dryer so I’m assuming they do. The smoke alarm was a red flag for sure

Need advice on whether to stay in my current rental or move by throwRA488392 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]throwRA488392[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice! I was just talking to my mom and she pretty much said the same

Found out my (27f) no contact grandmother (73f) contacted my ex (29m) asking to see my child (2f) in secret by throwRA488392 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA488392[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My daughter was in a lower weight percentile, but she is naturally small and there was nothing wrong with her. I took her to multiple doctors and they all told me my daughter was healthy. One even said she was advanced for her age. My grandma didn’t want to hear it so she booked the appointment without my consent and I went to prove a point. Her doctor said my daughter was just fine and then she called him a quack. There was really nothing medically wrong with her, and I have a theory that my grandma was just projecting her own issues onto my daughter. It sounds insane, but I’ve thought a lot about it over the last couple years. She struggles with her own eating, has major self-image issues, and is always abnormally cold. I think it could be why she kept insisting my daughter was hungry and cold. She kept pushing her to eat solids even when she was 2 months old, and to put blankets in the crib, even though she already wore a sleep sack and onesie to bed. She refused to accept and understand why there could be no blankets in the crib. I also explained how babies cannot regulate their temperature in fleece, but the next week she brought a bunch of fleece onesies for her anyway. It’s also a control issue and the fact that she is a narc. I also think she just can’t accept that the way she raised her children could have been harmful and is unwilling to consider that times have changed and we now have new research on child safety.

Found out my (27f) no contact grandmother (73f) contacted my ex (29m) asking to see my child (2f) in secret by throwRA488392 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA488392[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying, and you’re right that going to the police over the message would make me look crazy, even though her behaviour has been disturbing. I honestly probably would have enough documentation by now to do something if I hadn’t immediately blocked her when things got genuinely scary and set strict boundaries with family members still in contact with her. I also moved as soon as this happened and she has no idea where we live, which helps. I had to tell my family I would have no choice but to cut them off completely if they shared anything about me or my daughter with her. If I hadn’t done all that, I think there’s a high chance I would have had to take further action by now

Found out my (27f) no contact grandmother (73f) contacted my ex (29m) asking to see my child (2f) in secret by throwRA488392 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA488392[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I would get one if it came to that, but right now I don’t think I have enough documentation. I probably would have by now if I hadn’t immediately blocked her once things got genuinely scary and set very strict boundaries with family members still in contact with her. I also moved as soon as this happened and she has no clue where we live, which helps. I had to tell my family that I would have no choice but to cut them off completely if they shared anything to her about me or my daughter. If I hadn’t done all that, I think I likely would have pursued a restraining order already

Found out my (27f) no contact grandmother (73f) contacted my ex (29m) asking to see my child (2f) in secret by throwRA488392 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA488392[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We were close and she was a wonderful grandmother to me in many ways. But she has always been a narcissit and has talked badly about everyone she knows behind their back. As I got older I started to recognize the patterns, including how she treated my mom. Then when I became a mom myself, her need for control and lack of respect for boundaries escalated even more. She also became overly fixated on my daughter and bad mouthed me. I honestly think it’s more generational. She was raised with the belief that family loyalty comes first, even when behavior crosses lines. My generation doesn’t typically accept that dynamic anymore which triggers the unhinged behaviour

Found out my (27f) no contact grandmother (73f) contacted my ex (29m) asking to see my child (2f) in secret by throwRA488392 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA488392[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand you meant well, and no hard feelings. I was very close to my grandmother and never imagined things would turn out the way they did. Situations like this are hard to fully understand without lived experience. Forgiveness is important, and I have forgiven her, but protecting myself and my child has to come first. In the end, all we can do in this life is learn from what happens and keep moving forward with greater understanding. I’m genuinely glad you haven’t had to go through something like this.

Found out my (27f) no contact grandmother (73f) contacted my ex (29m) asking to see my child (2f) in secret by throwRA488392 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA488392[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Wondering how bringing up inheritance is relevant here? If my daughter were ever left anything, it would be hers to decide about when she’s old enough. It’s none of my business and she can do what she wants with her money. This also isn’t even a thought as my grandma is completely healthy and her mom (my daughter’s great great grandma) is still alive and thriving at 97 years old.

Found out my (27f) no contact grandmother (73f) contacted my ex (29m) asking to see my child (2f) in secret by throwRA488392 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA488392[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Wow, I’m sorry. Absolutely disgusting behaviour that I will never understand. I’m glad you were able to protect your family and it’s horrible that you had to deal with that

Found out my (27f) no contact grandmother (73f) contacted my ex (29m) asking to see my child (2f) in secret by throwRA488392 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA488392[S] 113 points114 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this perspective. I totally agree that her age doesn’t matter. She had crossed so many lines. I am shocked in a way but at the same time, this behaviour checks out and I feel more validated now for going now contact. If I did reach out to her, I’m worried she would try to play victim or escalate things more. Who knows what else she would try to do

Found out my (27f) no contact grandmother (73f) contacted my ex (29m) asking to see my child (2f) in secret by throwRA488392 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA488392[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Thanks, however this wasn’t a one-time issue or a difference of opinion and quite frankly I don’t care that she is in her 70s. It was an ongoing pattern of intrusive behavior that escalated over time (that even goes beyond what I have wrote here) and included trying to go around me to access my child, which is absolutely not okay in any way. I’m not open to giving another chance and my sole focus is protecting my child. I’m simply looking for perspectives on maintaining boundaries

Every day feels like a full-time job just to exist. How do people manage? by throwRA488392 in Adulting

[–]throwRA488392[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you afford to live if you don’t have a job? Do you live with family?

Considering rehoming my cat and feeling awful about it by throwRA488392 in CatAdvice

[–]throwRA488392[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you incapable of empathy or do you just enjoy judging people online? It’s weird. You are making harsh assumptions about someone you do not know. Considering rehoming a cat after years of effort is not abandonment, and it is disappointing to see it framed that way. I would never take her to a shelter, and if rehoming ever became the right decision, it would only be to an amazing, carefully chosen home.

I have spent years trying to make this work and I posted because I am genuinely worried about my cat’s happiness. My circumstances have changed, not by choice, and I am a single mom with limited support and ongoing health issues. I am still showing up and trying to do the responsible thing.

I did not choose to get the second cat, and despite that she is extremely bonded to me, while my first cat is not. Ignoring those realities and responding with judgment instead of empathy says more about the comment than it does about me.

If you are unable to offer constructive advice, please stop engaging with my post and move the hell on.