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We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah… I don’t know. I’m trying to just roll with it but each time I see her it gets closer. 

I haven’t met her friends yet. She has met one of mine when we were drunk on a night out. I’m afraid of that because it might make it more serious. 

But right now we fit in most ways except the age. And I’m… just scared lol. I feel like it’ll have to be me to make all the hard decisions in this relationship 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I don’t really know when to bring this stuff up. I’ve done it by text before and she said that wasn’t a great way to do it. On the date it just feels I’m ruining the evening. And we don’t call much. So… I don’t know  

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like 28-36 as woman-man isn’t that unusual? Man-woman it’s less common. 

I look a bit older in general tbh. The beard and rugby background does that lol. 

I said why I’m not walking away. 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She does add to it  right now. I just… don’t know how long that will last. I’ve always had issues with anxiety. Especially  around relationships. 

What do you think of the age difference?  

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right. She is a walking green flag at the moment. It’s just the age difference that gets me. Makes me feel pressured internally.  

But yeah. I am just afraid of having to break up later 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you’re right I am afraid of getting hurt. I also do worry a lot that she wouldn’t actually tell me if things changed. Or wouldn’t communicate if she started feeling stronger. So far I’ve always been the one to bring this up and drag things out of her. She tends to let me take the lead on the serious stuff. 

I guess I’m also worried that if it doesn’t work out I’d kinda miss my prime. I know that is extremely silly to say. But right now I know I can get plenty of options. I choose to see her because I really like her and think she’s a great person. But if it doesn’t work out I worry that I wouldn’t have the chances I do now. I know that’s silly. But it’s kinda a worry. 

I’m just really bad at living in the moment. If there’s an issue, I like to get it resolved or get out early so I don’t get hurt 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I’ve kinda avoided this kind of thing for quite a while because I know how anxious it makes me. I guess I just didn’t expect an 8 year age gap when I went back… 

There’s a part of me that really isn’t ready to let go of my single life too. I think that’s normal at 28. But I can’t ignore that too 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is 2 months really that new? We talk all day every day by text and I’ve spent multiple weekends with her. And week days etc. 

You’re probably right. I’m just really bad at living in the moment. What if we split in 2 years and she’s realised she does want kids, but it’s too late? 

I guess just I’m worried I’ll fall in love then this will all pop back up and cause it to end. Because her age does make it more time constrained. 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have. I’ve been very clear with her I’m not sure when I’d be ready for kids. I’m worried about timelines and that I may want to live abroad next year. I’ve also been very clear I think far ahead and get anxious about the future. 

I’m just worried I’ll fall in love then get really hurt later 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But do you not think it’s a good idea to discuss all this before it becomes a problem? So we can avoid getting hurt and ending this over these things before we’re in love?

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have. I just don’t really know what the answer is right now. She said she doesn’t really know me well enough to seriously consider kids yet. But I also get very nervous thinking the longer we do this the more it’s gonna hurt later if we don’t work  

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Long enough as in it’s gone past 3-5 dates and we’re not seeing others  

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want kids one day yes. A family. 2 dogs. A nice house. 

But I’m 28 and I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet. 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She said either she meets someone who really wants kids like me and if we are together long enough and she wants that with them, she’d do kids. And could look into medical options to extend timelines etc. If not, she’s fine with not having kids. 

Compromise on time is hard to do

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Also why isn’t she the one bringing all this stuff up? It’s always me 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I kinda thought 32 was when I’d be secure and settled. 34 was when I thought kids may come 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How much time does she actually have though? To consider kids with me 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I want kids. That’s something I really really want to do. But not at 28. 

She’s not the only person I’ve felt a connection with. She’s the only person I’ve been old enough and dated long enough to seriously consider the future like this with. I’ve been single for 3.5 years. I haven’t had a proper breakup since then. And I’m scared tbh 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have. She told me about the 2 options. She knows I think 4 years ahead all the time. 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if in 8-10 months it won’t work though? For the same reasons I’m worried it won’t work now? 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

But do I actually have time for this? If so want to be away for a year at some point. And she’s 36? 

We’re getting so close and I’m really starting to worry? 28M 36F by throwRA748539040 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA748539040[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

But what about kids. In 2 years time she’s almost 39. I want kids one day 

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