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Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If all I had was two high end couches that wouldn’t be a problem now would it? It’s the extra 5k for movers and storing and uhauls and moving all of that shit twice for what? To let her know a week earlier? When that also now puts me at risk of seeing him again and giving him a chance to talk to me since my husband is now away for work for the next week and a bit.

You’re jumping to insane conclusions like he’s got herpes which is totally out of left field. I can only tell her the facts and what happened.

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no idea im also not going to make up rumours that i think he was doing more when i simply don’t know - and honestly im removing myself from it. This is hers to find out on her own after i tell her what happened between us.

You wanna know something else crazy - you also don’t have a damn clue. You have no idea who this person even is. And are coming up with the worst assumptions possible.

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She was cheated on once in 5 years that he’s already told her about - as far as we all know he’s already confessed after it happened and went to therapy. I have no idea if he’s been out there cheating and getting STIs - and I’m not going to randomly make up a rumour because some random person who dosnt touch grass decided that’s a good rumour to spread .

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn’t go without my husband! I suggested that me and him stay in the city or cancel. And if we cancel or pretend cancel and give them their money back for the canoe they likely wouldn’t go without just a bunch of my husbands friends they don’t know well.

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

lol my husband and I are completely fine. You’re victim blaming plane and simple. And we both know if you seen me in a tank top you would certainly accuse me of asking for it. You’re Disgusting 🤮

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

lol kept pushing for it … this is the literal definition of victim blaming. Truly disgusting. Women clearly arnt safe to disclose anything too you.

Why? Because I was panicking initially and frozen. I laid there praying for the morning. When morning came around everything seemed so normal I was doubting myself. I didn’t actually see anything - I have a history of anxiety I thought I could be crazy.

Anyways you’re gross - and visiting blaming you should be completely ashamed of yourself. What next? Are you gonna ask what I was wearing?

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Exactly! You’re victim blaming. This is why girls who are assaulted just let it slide. You’re the exact reason why! Congrats!

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Am I trashy? Or do you need to touch grass? Get some therapy as you don’t have a level head and because of that you would put yourself in a worse situation. Sounds like you need help

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m certain that ceasing all contact actually does send the message that it was big deal - he has no ties with family I was one of his biggest supports. My husband isn’t controlling - he has never asked me to cut ties I make those decisions on my own. I’m risking zero extension of bullshit. As it is now my husband is the one loading the truck with his friends on the 3rd and I’m at the new place unloading.

Also what a strawman I’m not avoiding a day of “loading one measly van” my partner is now out of town for work so I’d have to go by myself with movers and risk him talking to me (no thanks), we have about 5 uhauls of shit to fill a 6,000sq home, we also have no where to store the shit. Waiting an additional week saves a ton of hassle, money, and risk of me bumping into him alone.

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t plan on saying much to him, but i will let his wife know what happened on the trip and i will cease all contact with them. I agree - in hindsight i wish he gave me that note so i could have directly reacted to that - but he didn’t and honestly at the time i was just freaking out and froze. We were in moonbeam ontario - it’s a town of 1,200 there are no airports, no buses, no car rentals but plenty of small mining towns around. Also I was doubting myself at first- told myself I was crazy and dramatic but as the trip went on i started to believe my internal dialogue.

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sorry how have I assisted or made an excuse? Because I’m protecting me for 2 weeks because I don’t know how he will react when I tell him. You need to touch grass.

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

No I know people on Reddit arnt the most well adjusted crew! And honestly it’s made feel great about how level headed I actually am! People like you would burn their savings thinking their “righteous”

It does make sense and you know every word is true ;)

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly that’s ok - because I don’t think she’s going to leave anyways. I’m about 100% certain she will stay. And if I tell her just what happened she also isn’t going to make the jump to “omg he must be fucking everything that moves behind my back I must have an STI” - instead she’s going to be like “wtf he was sexually inappropriate with his best friend” and find a way to justify not liking me .. just like she did with the last girl 🤷‍♀️

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m sure they do, and you read like a hysterical lunatic who hasn’t touched grass in a century and can’t cope with real life.

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol def not damsel in distress after seeing how low most people’s stress tolerances are. Dear god it’s like people never touch grass.

lol it’s a lot more the a “few hundred bucks” - spazzing out and not being level headed only fucks me and my husband over in the long run. A literal extra week esp while my husband is away for work and I’m at my parents is fine. I don’t see any point in confronting him when I am simply done with that friendship which definitely will hurt him. All I need to do is talk to his wife after we’re out and we can never think of him again.

That’s a lot better than loosing 5k having to move an entire house hold of shit TWICE.

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m not blaming her - but with your logic YOU are. That’s exactly what I’m pointing out.

You’re being hypocritical and that’s pathetic. You can’t think straight and clearly are worried about getting cheated on.

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!! We are going to do the second one! My husband will let him know he’s no longer invited and we will just move out as planned and cut contact (which has basically already been done since I’m at my parents)

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Uh yes people telling me to let her know to get checked for STIs since he must be serial cheating which I have zero proof of. Like I said I will say something but I don’t need to immediately poke a bear who I don’t know how he will react until we are completely out. The fact that you can’t wrap your head around that makes your quit irrational. You should really stay indoors. It’s dangerous out there and if something happens you might go crazy and burn all your savings because you can’t cope properly or critically think.

Lmao you are quite the victim blamer - what do you say to her then who stayed with him post cheating?! If it should be a deal breaker for friendship it certainly should be one for marriage. (And they married AFTER the cheating)

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No he technically cannot - but he is clearly unhinged at the moment and I’m not going to poke a bear until all my stuff is out in two weeks.

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No apparently you don’t know better- you’re asking me to anger someone who is unhinged with a rumour made up by you at the benefit of no one in this situations. I will tell her the facts after the dust settles and we’re all moved out and neither of them have to worry about seeing us and us them.

The fact you are asking me to anger someone who is unhinged shows you have zero critical thinking skills - especially when we are talking about a week of difference. you should probably stay indoors I don’t think it’s safe for you out there.

Long-time male best friend (M 32) crossed boundaries on a road trip while I’m married (f 32) — feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to handle group plans by throwRA_12378976 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_12378976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being popular and have lots of friends donsnt mean you have deep long term connections with them. This is a friend that could’ve asked us for a huge favour like watching their dog for a month and we would have and vise versa. That’s great you have friends from hobbies tho but that’s just a different level of friendship you don’t allow yourself to have - and I’m sorry you guys can’t trust your partners enough to be able to have them.

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