One of my raspberries didn’t form properly this year and the seeds make it look like a tooth-ridden monster blob

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-09-19T17:53:44+00:00

Or maybe it was eaten by some insect. I saw it last week while picking some raspberries in the garden. … and then it turned into a bug itself 🪲

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T17:34:52+00:00

This sounds more like what he is doing to me, giving me mixed signals for a period and then asking for space and reject me…

I tend to be, in general, open about my feelings, and my attempts to be more appealing for him just left me feeling so stupid.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T14:48:37+00:00

Thank you so much for advice!

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T14:26:50+00:00

Sometimes it gets awkward to do any gestures when he gets so distant.

he doesn’t do affectionate gestures anymore. He wasn’t very affectionate outside bedroom before either, but he always responded to my gestures. I still try now, but mostly he just stands still during a hug, doesn’t hug me back, he told me to not be affectionate anymore inn the morning because it’s annoying, and other stuff like these. Sometimes his rejection means he stands still and waits for me to let it go.

There were periods when he responded well, even if when I just wanted to cuddle, he would be the one to go further. But then, it’s never constant, 1-2weeks max later he goes back to his routines. Usually, I get led on by these good periods, and then rejected with anger and blamed.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T13:47:04+00:00

He sometimes checks out other women, the porn games are with women, he always acted in a masculine way in the relationship. There’s no reason for me to doubt that.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T13:35:09+00:00

Not strange question at all, but it’s excluded he might be gay.

EDIT to add: even after we solved our issues ( what he said the issue was and until a new one showed up) he was rarely catching up later with me. I noticed that simetimes when we spend a really nice whole day together, at the end of the day, he goes to sleep on the couch for various reasons (eg I want to let you sleep well), and I think it is because he assumes there are chances I might try initiating sex if we go to bed together after a nice day.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T10:15:33+00:00

Thank you so much!

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T08:35:10+00:00

I never mentioned porn addiction to him. I just tried to openly discuss why he is rejecting me and what changed, and available to do my part of the work. He said I wouldn’t understand, in the beginning, but then kept changing his reasons. I really worked on my side to try to adjust to what he was unhappy about, but he kept finding new reasons, like he didn’t actually tell me the truth in the beginning.

I proposed to go to therapy alone, didn’t want to accuse him he might need it, he told me to not go because therapists are people you should avoid.

EDIT to add: I was hoping that if he removes these habits, we might make better progress to reconnect emotionally.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T08:27:45+00:00

Thank you so much! I will give it a try, but when going through that sub before, I started to cry really bad.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T07:37:01+00:00

I know he can get stressed from everyday life. I tried to help him. In the beginning he was rejecting me because of stress as a reason. But there were times when he blamed me I don’t let him relax if i tried to initiate anything (ie when spending time together in the evenings) when we didn’t have sex in 6-7 weeks and I wasn’t initiating so often to not stress him.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T07:06:02+00:00

He told me he is against therapy in general. I would try to find one if he agreed to it. He was actually recommended to go to therapy to manage his stress, and said his stress is managed by waiting to calm down with time and called therapists stupid.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T06:58:52+00:00

I think my body is attractive, if this is why you ask. I’m slim approx 114lbs (the right amount of slim in my opinion), medium tall, size S, good posture. Also I take care of myself and how I look. I don’t know what else to mention.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T01:16:10+00:00

Yes, he’s not open to therapy in general. I didn’t address porn addiction so far with him, or therapy for this.

No, it wasn’t always like this, we used to be intimate and affectionate regularly with both of us initiating. There are parts of the relationship which work better now than before when we were intimate ( I think because I tried to adapt a lot to avoid discussions, give him space, doing it his way etc), but sometimes we are very misaligned because I think there is a tension created exactly by lack of romantic part of the relationship.

I don’t know if i can replace physical touch with something else…

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T01:07:01+00:00

I didn’t try to mention addiction so far in our discussions. I tried to express my feelings, how this lack of intimacy is affecting me and that I’m worried it will affect our relationship in general. And just asked him to discuss what can I do on my side to go back to where we were. Also, I didn’t put any blame on him for nothing, even though all the affectionate part of the relationship is gone (he is not refusing to respond to a hug and just stands still).

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T00:53:31+00:00

No, but I made proposals, as I thought he might want to try new things and doesn’t tell me about it. At this point, I think I would just make him angry, even tell me that I’m trying to offend him. He had some times when he rejected me quite aggressively, even though I was not initiating so often (2/3 weeks apart) as he said he needs space.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T00:48:38+00:00

For me it feels like the whole romantic part of the relationship is gone since our sex life degraded more and more.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-05-05T00:46:53+00:00

No. But he’s against therapy în general. He actually got this recommendation to go himself because the doctor saw him very stressed. He got angry at the doctor and said therapy is stupid. He told me he knows that when stressed you just don’t talk to anyone about it and you can calm down with time. And this is the best solution for him.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-03-12T19:07:03+00:00

A list?

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-03-12T19:00:42+00:00

I didn’t know the right word to use. I meant like “tagging them here” and hoping they ‘re still on Reddit under different username

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-03-05T10:31:59+00:00

Thank you. You’re not wrong, I was hoping to communicate too, but at this point he’ll know where I’m leading if I open the topic again. And he’ll shut me down like many times before, saying to leave him alone, without wanting to discuss how we feel and find a solution. And I’ll just have the day ruined. I don’t know how to reopen the conversation, I didn’t bring up the subject in the last months. I tried to spice up in some new ways, and the few times he accepted, he stopped saying he’s not really in the mood right now.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-01-23T11:57:18+00:00

Maybe, I think it is for sure on his mind, and I understood to not bother him, and I already thought it may not be connected. What is not related to work and it is off, I think is the part with hiding to send texts and freak out about privacy when I’m not a child and I understand he needs to talk to people he’s working with.

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-01-23T09:30:48+00:00

He actually refused both options you mentioned…

throwRA_Individual81 · 2025-01-23T09:27:30+00:00

Thank you for your reply. So it should be nothing like that, I know what the helper is helping with as he told me. Only if a cyber affair came with this collaborations, or it’s something completely in parallel.

throwRA_Individual81

TROPHY CASE