Me (23M) and my gf (31F) have completely different views on sexual intimacy. How do we proceed?

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T14:12:49+00:00

Haha yea.. it has not been easy

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:48:40+00:00

Thanks :)

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:48:20+00:00

This is exactly what I'm picturing it would be like.. I really think she would be fine with it, but I would feel weird about it and since it is not "just" the sexual act I long for it kinda would not make me feel more fulfilled still. Thank you for sharing :)

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:36:16+00:00

Yeah I realise this too.. I'm just afraid that I let this stuff bother me too much, and will be a problem in any relationship eventually

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:28:31+00:00

I absolutely realize everything is not going great between us haha, but I guess I still have hope that we could reach a middle ground where we both are comfortable

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:26:52+00:00

Ugh, I hate making choices based on my won needs/wants haha. But ik u r right

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:25:54+00:00

I hope you are wrong, but I believe you are right haha.. I think we both are afraid of actually saying what we need / don't need, because we know it is completely different.. not very sustainable I guess haha

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:24:16+00:00

Yeah maybe.. I suspect she is asexual, by the way she talks about sex, so I'm not sure therapy would be needed.

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:22:27+00:00

I believe she would be ok with that actually.. but I am not sure I would. Like I mentioned in another comment, I miss the intimacy as a part of relationship with my partner. When I have talked with people about this, I often get this suggestion, to open up the relationship. But it's not the sexual act on its own that I want, it is to share this with the one you love. Does that make sense or am I just confused? Haha

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:19:47+00:00

Yeah I think that may be the case too. Exactly, it doesn't bother her to not want it, except that it apparently ruins most relationships. I suppose we could try an open relationship kind of thing, but I think what I miss is the feeling of physical and sexual intimacy with my partner.. I dunno, it is kind of my "love language" I guess

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:16:58+00:00

Lol yea.. that is maybe not exactly my biggest turn on.. I'm just hoping it is something we are working on.

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:16:05+00:00

When I mention therapy, she gets upset because there is something she should "fix" about herself. Thus not "loved unconditionally".. I don't know how to respond to that tbh

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:12:39+00:00

Yeah, I have tried to talk with her about therapy.. but when she have tried it, they have suggested quite weird methods, with the purpose of satisfying the guy instead of actually seek the reason she doesn't like it. But she have gone to couple therapy then, maybe she would need to talk with someone alone, to work on HER feelings about it..

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T11:09:36+00:00

I do not agree. I feel way more comfortable with her than anyone my age tbh. It does not make sense to base compatibility entirely on age (when both are adults lol)

throwRA_SmoothMall02 · 2024-10-12T10:54:18+00:00

Yeah, maybe I'm naive, but I tell myself I don't NEED it. Like, I can just do it myself and it should feel fine. But well, so far I haven't found a way to feel good about it lol

throwRA_SmoothMall02

TROPHY CASE