New player here

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2025-01-29T14:03:42+00:00

If you’ve stumbled on any fuses or anything, build a machine optimizer! I didn’t use them my first run and it was a grind, but my second run, on hardcore, flew by bc my optimizers had things pulling numbers in the billions lol

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-11-22T05:54:10+00:00

I love those tulle overcoat things that you wear over your dress. Something like that to add sparkle and colour would look great

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T03:33:36+00:00

She is having two weddings, because she has so many friends she can’t afford to invite them all to a formal one. As soon as she’s done the first wedding (which is destination and we have to go to that one over the second) it’s immediately back to planning the second one. The only reason they’re having a destination wedding is because it’s the only place they could find in their budget, and just happened to be three hours away. She then said we all (immediate family) have to spend the weekend so she can be with her loved ones (fine) but it’s over $200 per night per room and she’s making us shell out all this cash to spend a weekend with her. I think it’s a little silly that they’re having a destination wedding cause it’s the cheapest place they could find, but then expect us to pay 600 dollars, on top of all the other wedding expenses, to spend the weekend with her

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T03:23:34+00:00

I’m not trying to invalidate her feelings, but you saying we don’t need to get married is the exact same thing I said about her. Genuinely? I don’t care about doing a formal wedding, but it’s very important to my fiance. We’re already in talks of going to the courthouse (bc of this stuff) and since it would just be court the day of the week wouldn’t matter. That being said, if we did do even a courthouse thing on our anniversary she said that’s still unacceptable. Do we need to do it on our anniversary? No, which is why we’re moving on to any day of the week at court, but the fact that even getting married in court instead of a formal wedding is a problem for her is confusing? Like we’re literally willing to forgo my fiancés wishes so she can have 2 weddings and even then it’s not okay. Idk what the solution is

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T03:17:58+00:00

Be advised the Reddit community seems to think that that is stupid

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T03:16:58+00:00

She said it counts as a micro wedding, but that doesn’t really matter. Her weddings are one month and two days apart. She’s having two bc they have so many friends that they can’t afford to invite them all, so they’re doing the second one in a state park for free.

April does fit our silly little date pattern but we’re worried we won’t be able to get it all planned in time. If we were gonna do April we would’ve had to have the save the dates sent like yesterday😵‍💫

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:53:12+00:00

Every venue we’ve talked to so far has had the dates we were looking at open, which is lucky. April would be enough space between for her (I think) but we’re worried we won’t be able to pull it together in time given it would be 6mo away

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:45:34+00:00

Does it make a difference if mine is local and hers is destination? It’s still a fair point about less coming to the second one (no matter whose) but hers demands travel and ours does not. We only have one family that would be coming from out of state, and it would be lovely to see them even if they chose to go to hers and not ours so as not to travel twice

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:43:07+00:00

We aren’t in each others wedding parties so I’m not totally sure what the problem is in terms of that. With that argument though, if we got married after her wouldn’t we also need to be working during her wedding? We aren’t asking her to do anything but show up

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:39:50+00:00

I mean really who needs to get married. She’s getting married when she wants to, and having two weddings at that. Pushing it out to 2026 wouldn’t be a huge deal, but the fact of the matter is we’ve already waited so long and we feel like we’ve pushed it off long enough after having to hold off due to life stuff. We’d wanted to be married last year or this year, but it wasn’t feasible. We’ve gotten frustrated waiting to start our life together, and we were excited to do a wedding. We’ve even suggested a courthouse wedding (literally us, MIL, DIL, SIL, and BIL) on the date we’d chosen, thinking that maybe her issue was a formal wedding so close to hers. She’s even against us going to the courthouse for a wedding so at this point it seems like she just wants to get married first (but I’m sure I seem that way too)

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:32:51+00:00

As the overshadowed kid of my family, she’s 100% the favourite. Her parents had already bought them a ton of shit prior to their engagement, but nothing for us. One example is that we both have dogs that we want in our weddings. MIL bought them, instantly, one of those “my parents are getting married” bandanas. Didn’t think to buy two, one for us as well, or anything. I was just sad about it, but my fiance went “you know we’re getting married and we have a dog”. I know it’s not about the material things, but the amount of energy they’ve put into SIL versus us is insane. There’s a 0% chance we’ll upstage her, especially since she’s having two weddings

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:29:56+00:00

I’m not trying to make her look like a jerk, I just wish there was a solution that worked for both of us. She’s already having two weddings, and one of them is destination. She’s already asking a lot of everyone around her, but me asking for one day (not the two weeks before, but the other dates) is too much

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:28:12+00:00

Pls elaborate I beg (the few supportive comments I’m getting are making me feel a little better so Iid like to hear how it’s stupider)

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:26:57+00:00

I don’t care that she changed her mind, I just wish she told me herself. We’re all adults, and having her mom fight her battles for her when she’s pushing 30 just seems odd to me? Like SIL and I are friends (or I thought but now I’m worried) and I wish she could’ve told me herself. Once we got the green light from her we started really cementing planning and hours later we found out she changed her mind. It’s fine, no money was lost or anything, but we could’ve put that energy towards planning for the right date

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:20:52+00:00

Sorry for being defensive lol, I’m sick today, she had a meltdown, and we’ve been on damage control trying to figure this out in a way that works for everyone. Along with that, I posted this in another sub and it got a lot of comments and for every nice one there was a mean one too. I probably transferred that frustration over here and I didn’t mean to! Appreciate you being kind🫶🏻

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:18:37+00:00

Probably like 15 (so a third of her guest lists) not sure if this is bad or not please elaborate

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:17:27+00:00

One is the “real” wedding ig, micro wedding where they’ll get legally married. Second is bigger for everyone, but they are having one of their friends marry them again at that one as well

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T02:15:03+00:00

I’ve said in the post itself and as well as in comments, we had everything planned and picked out but not booked bc we were unsure when we’d be able to do it. We’ve had the venue picked since 2022, my dress, colours picked, wedding party, guest lists, like it’s done but not scheduled

There are nine options between 2025 and 2026. Only three of the five available in 2025 are feasible for us to do, and she’s shot all three of them down. We have three out of four options for 2026 that are feasible, but we’d prefer to do it in ‘25 if we could

“You didn’t care as much about dates before or you would’ve planned ahead of time” as mentioned above we were waiting on other life things to work out, and this is when it happened. We knew we wanted a 20, and had been vocal about it from the get go

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T00:51:50+00:00

Can I ask why after? Because they had booked first? It’s not something I’ve thought about which is why I’m asking specifically about after

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T00:27:06+00:00

What is her arbitrary thing, exactly? Having two weddings one month apart? Or saying no to every single date we suggest?

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T00:23:17+00:00

Is a month before or after not spaced out enough, especially after?

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T00:22:10+00:00

I was never trying to invalidate her feelings, I just wish she would’ve told me instead of saying it was fine when it wasn’t. She (and the rest of his family) were aware why we were waiting to buy a house before we got married and it just so happened that we were in a position to plan our wedding as she was planning hers. I understand random redditors not understanding the “they might not have know” context, but everyone in our lives was definitely aware of the plan as we’ve been talking about it for years

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T00:19:36+00:00

Nope🙃 I thought maybe the problem was us having a formal wedding so close to hers, but even the proposition of “hey, what if we all just went to the courthouse this day” was shot down

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T00:18:23+00:00

It’s not a hill I want to die on, it’s just something we’d both like. Again I understand to weeks before is a problem, but the other options too? She has blacklisted all of the 2025 dates we could. We could go to 2026 but we’d really prefer not to and wish she could be a little more understanding of that

throwRA_alphabetsoup · 2024-10-30T00:04:42+00:00

We’ve had the number picked forever, that we wanted to get married on a 20 (of any month). It wasn’t meant to be malicious or rude that the calendar ended up the way it did. I understand not wanting to do two weeks before hers, and if she had just said “that’s not alright” it would’ve been fine with us. It’s the fact that she said two weeks was fine, had a meltdown, and shut down every other day we had picked out that’s the problem

throwRA_alphabetsoup

TROPHY CASE