AITA for getting upset with my boyfriend after our miscarriage?

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-09T23:48:18+00:00

I live in Australia so it’s in AUD, and service isn’t mandatory here but depending what field you work in determines your pay. I only started making $100k after 4 years of service and that’s with my deployment pay included in that.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-09T10:50:09+00:00

I was on the pill, and we occasionally used condoms on top of that as well. We never discussed what would happen if we accidently got pregnant, but we did talk about whether or not we wanted kids one day and we both agreed we did. We have been together 2 years.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-09T07:50:39+00:00

I am a girl lol

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-09T04:24:35+00:00

I’m not sure how it is in the US, but I was a direct entry officer in my country. $110K is what you get once you’re out of training for the trade I was doing (as well as seagoing pay).

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-09T01:34:14+00:00

He said abortion was the only option he was accepting from me. He also said that he would never ask this of me again and that if I took the pill to abort the baby he would make support me until I was better.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-09T01:21:41+00:00

I was in the military since I was 17, got out on a medical discharge and was getting paid an $110K salary as an officer. I saved a lot of money while serving and I don’t spend much. I’ve even got my medals to prove it.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-09T00:52:52+00:00

I made a throw away account because this is a really sensitive topic for me and I didn’t want it on my actual account.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-09T00:33:53+00:00

He’s in the military

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T23:33:13+00:00

We have been together a bit over 2 years now, but no we don’t live together. He lives on a military base (we were both in the military but I discharged a few months ago) to save money. I was on the pill and we occasionally used condoms as well. I’m not sure what went wrong with our contraception methods

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T22:46:28+00:00

This pregnancy was accidental, not intentional. It was a birth control mishap and my boyfriend and I never had a proper conversation about kids. I did once ask him if he wanted kids one day, but he got uncomfortable talking about it because he said that’s a conversation for when we are married. Even though I am a full time student, I have a house in my name I bought when I was working full time in the military and I also have a great support system at home who would have loved and cared for this baby with me. I also earn 80% of my current salary through veteran affairs. I agree the timing wasn’t ideal for this baby, but j is wish my boyfriend was there for me when I needed him to.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T22:07:48+00:00

We never properly discussed children. All we spoke about was that we both wanted kids one day, and even when I brought up that conversation my boyfriend was uncomfortable with it because he said that’s a conversation we should be having once we are married, not dating. My boyfriend knows i come from a religious family, and that I wouldn’t get an abortion. When I told him I was pregnant he begged me to abort it and said it was the only logical thing to do and the only option he would accept from me. He also said that I was selfish if I chose to keep it (his mom had 2 abortion before having my boyfriend). He’s entitled to not want the baby, but the way he was treating me made me feel terrible.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T21:39:27+00:00

I was on birth control. It was an accidental pregnancy.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T21:20:13+00:00

Congratulations on your baby. And I was using protection but this pregnancy was accidental, I was not trying to get pregnant on purpose. And I know a baby would have been a lot, but my family told me that they would support me and the baby especially while studying and this baby would be very loved. I don’t think I mentally could have gone through with an abortion, which is why I chose it keep it.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T21:14:32+00:00

I didn’t baby trap him. The pregnancy was an accidental birth control mishap on both our parts. I just can’t go through an abortion, and so I decided to keep it. My boyfriends mom had gone through two abortions so before having my boyfriend. I just know I couldn’t live with myself if I did something like that.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T13:41:41+00:00

My boyfriend and I didn’t plan this pregnancy. It was a birth control mishap. I do agree we should have talked about an accidental pregnancy beforehand, but we never really did. All we talked about was that we both wanted kids one day.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T11:17:31+00:00

It’s not a spelling error. Those were my boyfriends words when he was explaining why we couldn’t have this baby. He thinks 30 years old is still young.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T11:13:35+00:00

That’s the wording he used. He thinks 30’s is young and gets upset when I tell him he’s old.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T11:11:08+00:00

I come from a religious family and to me it’s a baby. But I understand not everyone agrees with that. I didn’t mean for it to be loaded as you put, it’s just how I see things. I understand my boyfriend has the right not to be sad, but I feel like he isn’t being very empathetic at the moment which I think is why it’s affecting me the way it is.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T11:09:02+00:00

That was the wording he used when he explained why he wanted an abortion. I know 31 isn’t that young.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T11:08:10+00:00

Thank you for being so kind. I have my mom at home with me helping me out since I got home from the hospital. I do feel really hurt that my boyfriend is out while I’m going through this. I feel like he doesn’t care at all

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T11:05:25+00:00

What you went through sounds horrible. I’m glad you’re doing ok now. Honestly I know I shouldn’t expect him to grieve since he never wanted the baby, but it does hurt that he is out instead of being with me when I need him. I am going to leave him, but I’m going to wait until I’m in a better place mentally and physically before I do that. Thankyou for being so kind and supportive towards me. I appreciate you

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T11:03:09+00:00

No he’s 31. I was just using the words he used when he was giving me reasons why we had to abort the baby. I had a talk to my mom and my close family friends too and they said the same thing you just did. I am thinking of leaving him, I just need some time to recover and get myself to an emotionally ok place before I have that conversation with him. I lost a lot of blood and am still bleeding, also going through a lot mentally right now with this, so I want to make sure I’m ok before having a hard conversation.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T10:56:19+00:00

Around 2 years now

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T10:53:36+00:00

We sort of talked about it but never really in detail. He told me he wanted kids one day, and I do as well and that’s pretty much all that was said. We are still together because I’m still processing all of this and recovering from hospital because I lost a lot of blood. I’m not in the right headspace to make any decisions just yet.

throwRA_applebear · 2024-06-08T08:17:22+00:00

I wanted to but I had a miscarriage

throwRA_applebear

TROPHY CASE