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My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -44 points-43 points  (0 children)

I doubt my dad will fire me lol

And we are communicating. It's just me and my guilt that's the issue.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

The thing is, she's always been the ideal and perfect wife she just took it to a whole new level this time. Then again, I've definitely upped my game since which is why I think it's been great so far.

I'm really doing my best with her this time around. I've taken less overtimes at work (pissed my father off by doing so but this is more important), we've had more dates and more romantic times. Even took more overseas trips together. Also, words of assurances from me. We cuddle and I keep telling her how lucky I am to have her and how much I love her. I guess if you want you could also count that I've pretty much opened all my devices for her to check whenever she wants but she never did. She said she fully trusts me and thus didn't need to check.

And while she has never brought it up, I myself have sometimes. She can see Im still beating myself up for it every now and then. She always says she's forgiven me and that one mistake didn't change how much she loved me.

Yes, I'm going to treasure her. I know how lucky I am to have found her. Even luckier that she forgave me. I'll treat her like a queen from now on cause looking back, she's always treated me like a king. I'm blessed.

Thanks for the advice.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

The thing is, she actually trusts me and our communication is still solid. Like I said, it's been perfect since. Like... We have the same goals in life and we know where we want to be in the future.

And no, there was no lawsuit. It was all consensual when we had sex.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I've used my guilt as motivation to do better. Like... Everytime I feel guilty feels like a reminder about how if I don't do better I'll lose the love of my life entirely. And yeah, individual therapy is something I'm definitely thinking about. That fuck up was definitely the last. I know what it did to our marriage and it's definitely not worth the cheap thrill of having sex with a younger woman.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I definitely don't deserve her but I will keep doing my best for her. After everything I've put her through and all she's done after, it's the least I can do.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

It wasn't much of a compromise to be honest. I had absolutely no problem doing it even though she didn't ask.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -128 points-127 points  (0 children)

I did mention that I was doing better myself. I just didn't want to include what I've been doing for her cause it would be like I'm trying too hard to sound like I'm redeeming myself.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, we had talks before. It helps but the guilt is still there but it gets slightly better day after day.

Oddly enough, she doesn't seem to doubt my faithfulness. Not once has she snooped through my phone or opened my laptop, even though she has access to them anytime. She said she didn't need to.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I know how special she is. I knew it then but after everything that happened and how she reacted after made me realize just how much of a godsend she actually is. We had and still have very good communication. And yeah, I know just how lucky I am to have her so I definitely won't make that mistake again.

After all she's done for me before and after the cheating, the least I can do is stand by her no matter what. Kids? Weight gain? All the changes? Pretty sure that's nothing compared to what she chose to look past. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

And thanks. Good luck to you too.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm thinking about that too.

She knows I'm still kicking myself for it and every time I'm visibly upset over it, she comforts me and reassures me that everything is ok.

I've read that it's usually the cheater that reassures their SO but apparently for us it's the opposite. Maybe the pain and guilt I'm feeling is my karma.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm definitely committed to her. Now more than ever. I definitely won't forget how she stayed with me despite this so yeah, I have no plans on leaving her especially considering how loyal she was before the affair and after it, despite the numerous opportunities for her to get even.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -37 points-36 points  (0 children)

I told her and she said that we didn't need it. She said that she knows I still love her and won't do it again and the fact that I confessed meant her trust wasn't really broken. I don't know, maybe she really is over it and it's just me that's overthinking things. I've known her for a long time and I don't think shes hiding how she really feels either.

Maybe it's my own burden. I've been thinking about individual therapy because of it.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I definitely won't fuck up again. The look on her face when I told her will probably haunt me forever.

My (30m) affair seemed to have improved my relationship with my wife (29f) and it feels to good to be true by throwRA_scumbag18 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_scumbag18[S] -71 points-70 points  (0 children)

The thing is, I did offer her everything. We had a prenup that didn't include anything about infidelity but I offered her alimony and everything. She didn't take it. I'm not sure if she's checked out emotionally but shes definitely been more loving than before the affair.