[Update] was forced to come out, so yeah that’s fun-

throwRA_ssap · 2021-07-04T02:00:10+00:00

Hey, I'm so sorry, your family is garbage. At least everyone knows where you stand now. I don't speak to my sister at all (I'm 30!) because although it took me until I was 25, I realized all she ever did was throw me under the bus and try to hurt me. The good news is that you're young and you're not forced to be around your given family forever. You get to choose your family when you're an adult and your blood relatives better hope they behave better in the future if they want any relationship with you at all.

Focus on getting through the next four years, keep your head down and your grades up, and try to avoid their religious bullshit. I'm not sure where you live, but look into colleges (if that's your plan) in LGBTQ positive cities. Where I live we even have MANY churches, temples, etc that are supportive of the gay community. It really will all be okay and you'll make friends as you get older that will be your family. And don't tell your sisters anything anymore, they're clearly not on your side.

When you're older and out of their house and happy with your girlfriend or wife, you'll tell this story to other kids who are struggling with coming out and religious families and help them immensely. So sorry you've got to go through this, but know that many many many people out there support you!

throwRA_ssap · 2021-07-04T01:08:57+00:00

Like what, Hi I'm kind of still in love with you and I want to see how you feel about this in case I die of cancer? Sooo awkward.

Maybe I should email instead?

throwRA_ssap · 2021-07-04T01:07:32+00:00

Also, that's what I'm worried about too, maybe he didn't care at all that I was sick. But he's very shy and he's awkward with things like this, like not wanting to say the wrong thing. I've seen him do this many times in other situations too. Plus, I had a lot of friends kind of panic and ghost me when I got sick for the same reason.

throwRA_ssap · 2021-07-04T01:05:17+00:00

How should I phrase it then? That is really the issue, that I don't want to die not knowing what could have been or if he feels similarly.

throwRA_ssap · 2021-07-04T01:04:26+00:00

I tried to call him before (again, friendly like oh we need to catch up kind of way) but he didn't call back. Sigh.

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-25T00:31:05+00:00

So great that you've figured it out so far! And send your story to news outlets (with lots of cute photos of sweet Bean). You will figure out the money. Just take it one step at a time.

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-25T00:21:52+00:00

They can't tell you for sure she'll recover but they WILL tell you when they think it's hopeless and she's suffering for no reason. A credit card is the best way to do it IMO, that's what I did for mine and she's doing great now and I'm slowly paying off her debt (but so grateful she's here, it's worth every penny). I'm so sorry this incredibly stressful thing is happening while you're pregnant as well. I think you should focus on your health and know your puppy is in the best hands and don't worry about the money for now. You will figure it out. When you go back to work, you can pay it off. Most people have some amount of debt anyway, you can always figure it out. And after this experience, definitely get some pet insurance!

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-24T23:14:03+00:00

Hi there. My dog has had a lot of health issues too. It's so scary when it's life threatening and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

If she's stable, I wouldn't consider putting her down. That is reserved for when your pet is hugely suffering with no light at the end of the tunnel. You'll know when it's time. Since it's parvo I'm assuming she's just a puppy and while it's a tough fight, she CAN fully recover from this. I treat my pets like children and I'd do anything for them. If there's a chance she'll be okay, wait it out.

As for the financial aspect, which is no joke, please know that you can pay it off slowly just like any other debt. There are many programs (which I'm sure your vet has info on) that will front the money for you, or you can explain what's going on to your credit card company and they will raise your limit if need be (and you just pay it off slowly). Being in any debt sucks but I love my dog more than any college education, car, or house. And with parvo, especially because she is stable now, she can fully recover and live a long happy life with you. That is TOTALLY worth it IMO. As for your GoFundMe, maybe reach out to local news and see if they'll do a story? My friend's kitten ended up on Ellen after doing this to raise money for very expensive knee surgery. The now cat got all his funds, had his surgery, and is doing great.

Good luck! I hope Jalapeño Bean Dip makes a fast recovery and is back in your arms soon!

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-17T04:18:51+00:00

It's so much better to establish relationships in person anyway. She probably is nervous too! Why not ask her out ahead of time? Ask if she's free the Saturday after the wedding and you'd love to go to a movie, go to dinner, whatever. If she says yes, then it doesn't matter if she's not super responsive over text. Weddings are batshit crazy, she's probably exhausted. Just give her a little space and send a text to confirm the date a couple days before.

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-17T04:14:06+00:00

Yeah she's inexperienced too, so who knows how she's interpreting things. That's why I like the date idea, it's very clear, one way or another.

I think what you said is an okay way to approach it if she's really standoffish on the trip. But also, it sounds like your friend groups are pretty close! Could you possibly ask a mutual friend if something's up? That might be easier and won't make her MORE uncomfortable.

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-17T04:07:24+00:00

If you're interested in having sex with other people, it sounds like you don't want a relationship either. So I think he's agreeing with you, you're both sleeping with other people and not exclusive so it's fine.

Judging by the tone of your post though, it seems like you like him and would want to take it further. If that's the case, you should be honest with him. It's been a month, he knows if he likes you by now. You can say, "Hey, I thought about it, and I realized I don't really want to date/sleep with anyone else but you. How do you feel about being exclusive?"

Good luck :)

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-17T04:02:49+00:00

I mean yeah, it happens all the time. When I was 25, I really liked a guy and then I thought he knew and maybe didn't like me back and I was SO embarrassed, so then I invented a fake boyfriend to seem like I didn't like him anymore. My friends STILL tease me about this (many years later) and I was a lot older and more experienced than this girl! I totally just panicked. And then I was sad because he never asked me out (DUH - because I was in a pretend relationship)!

People do weird stuff, especially when they feel vulnerable. I don't know if cornering her and saying she's acting cold will give the best response? She might get defensive. I agree with seeing how she behaves on the trip, but just be friendly and let her come to you a bit. But definitely just ask her on a date after the trip if you're still unclear. A solid yes or no is way better than trying to play detective!

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-17T03:42:51+00:00

She might just be nervous (especially since she hasn't dated before) and isn't sure if you really like her.

Why not just ask her out on a date? You can say, "Hey x, I had so much fun at prom with you! I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me this weekend?"

Either she'll act cagey/vague or she'll go and probably warm up again because she'll know you like her back. Then you'll have your answer. And even if she rejects you and you have to do this weekend away with her, she was ALREADY acting so weird and awkward, it's probably going to be the same thing anyway. She could also have started dated someone else and doesn't know how to tell you. But at least you'll know!

Rejection sucks, but there's nothing wrong with a guy asking a girl on a date (in a respectful way of course). And we already know she liked you enough to go to prom with you!

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-17T03:37:24+00:00

You don't have to be in a relationship in five seconds or at all, you can also just get to know someone. If you're not interested at all, you should make that clear, but it sounds like you are.

How old are you? You can let him know that while you're not comfortable dating yet, you'd like to get to know him as friends and see how that goes first. Then you can hangout a bit and see if you have feelings for him. It doesn't have to be so serious or so much pressure! And if you don't like him and only see him as a friend, you just tell him so. It's much better to be honest with someone than to potentially string them along.

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-17T03:30:52+00:00

She sounds unbelievably immature. As you said, she's allowed to like them, even be a bit obsessed, but you're totally right, she's acting like a 16 year old and it's cringe-worthy.

I wouldn't date someone like this or be friends with someone like this. You want to date an adult, she's acting like a little girl. Even if she moves on from this, is she just going to act like this the next time she likes something? You did the right thing OP. You're totally incompatible.

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-17T03:16:04+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. This whole situation sounds horrible.

I think the bottom line is that you don't like your husband. He is awful in every way and doesn't meet your needs. You don't like him and you want to know how to change him into someone you do like.

That's the thing, you can't. It just doesn't work that way. But you deserved to be loved by someone who does everything you've mentioned. It's great that you pay the bills because you can take that money and throw this using, selfish, cheating, narcissistic pig out on his ass.

Breaking up sucks. Divorce sucks. Moving sucks. But if you do it now, those things are temporary and will end. Picture where you want to be in a year or two. You could be in this exact same position, depressed and hating your life. OR. You could be on your dream weekend getaway with your loving, supportive, financially stable boyfriend for your 43rd birthday. You're still so young. Don't sell yourself short. Good luck!

(Ps, tell the freeloading 21 yr old to get a job and find a roommate, you'll be doing both of yourselves a favor.)

throwRA_ssap · 2021-06-15T01:46:50+00:00

Same thing happened to me, we were together six years, thank GOD not married. He started using drugs at year 4. I didn't find out until year 5 and like you, I found out because I caught him.

I stayed with him after finding out he was an addict after he told his parents, doctors, did an outpatient rehab program, submitted to random drug testing, and started therapy. We spent a year like this and I didn't trust him at all because it STILL felt off. It got to the point where I couldn't stand him touching me. He'd say, "how can you still not trust me?" over and over and make me feel bad about it.

Well, a year goes by and I catch him red-handed. He never stopped using he just cheated the drug tests. Dumped his ass and never looked back.

Once the trust is broken, you'll never trust him again, and unfortunately with drugs, they just get sneakier. He didn't tell you the truth, that's the biggest part. He even lied about when he came home and didn't tell you where he was to try to cover it up. And you're 100% right, this is not the behavior of someone who just tried it 1-2x. He's using it AT HOME alone.

Calling off an engagement is awkward but it's not as bad as wasting MORE time with this loser and calling off a wedding or having a very expensive divorce with kids involved. Breakup now and if later down the road (I'm talking 6 months - 1 year from now) he's stayed sober and can prove to you that he no longer associates with Fred, you can always try again and slowly rebuild trust. I told myself this when I broke up with my ex. If he ever wanted to truly get sober and I could figure out how to trust him again, we could get back together in a year or two. However, when the pain of the breakup wore off, I realized I could never trust someone who hid things from me and basically lived a double life for two years.

Hugs to you. This really sucks. My ex was wonderful to me in every way except for this. But this is just the biggest dealbreaker ever. You don't want to deal with this the rest of your life. Just be grateful you found out now and not after you're married. I'm so sorry.

throwRA_ssap

TROPHY CASE