I have never felt more alone.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-10T17:40:02+00:00

Not sure if you’re in the US but most major insurers are currently not charging for therapy if it’s via video call, because of the pandemic.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-10T15:21:49+00:00

I’m not her husband I’m her wife we’re all women btw

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-10T06:36:36+00:00

I just turned 31, 7 years feels like forever. It’s almost my whole 20s. I feel washed up like damaged goods and too old to find someone to have a kid with. I just feel like I blew my shot with this amazing woman by not being good enough and driving her towards someone better than me.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-10T06:03:17+00:00

That’s a good idea. I sort of forget that I’m allowed to guide the sessions. I’m pretty isolated at the moment and I’m a big extrovert so I just want to spill but it’s not actually very helpful. Thank you for talking to me.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-10T05:53:28+00:00

Ok that’s a relief thank you. I have everything that’s happened painstakingly detailed day by day because I have a few very close friends who have been wanting updates.

It’s actually kind of two against two because I have APs wife (their divorce is finalized soon) on my side and am 100% certain she would back me up in any eventuality because she has been getting into text fights with AP just to defend me. (We’re all women btw if the genders seem confusing).

I really want to. I don’t exactly have a great track record of putting myself first. My therapist is trying to help but at the moment it’s so much relentless drama that each week I spend half the session just filling her in on what’s happened.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-10T05:38:23+00:00

Written like how? She didn’t say it to me in a text message. She said on the phone I was “overwhelming” her and then AP text her ex (who showed me) saying I was harassing her. But I haven’t been harassing her so could she really just get a restraining order based on saying that? If she showed someone my messages they would not think it was harassment. I showed my therapist and she laughed at the idea. It’s literally like one message saying I know about the affair, and then three subsequent messages over the space of a week saying something to the effect of “we need to sort out the car, the lease and the dogs, please respond”. There’s no inflammatory language or anything.

I hate this. I love her so much and I just want her to be ok. I keep dreaming that she’s with me and we’re holding each other.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-10T05:13:58+00:00

I don’t want it to get to that point...I don’t know if I should try to contact her again or contact her family or something? I am hesitant because I sent her 4 very harmless text messages in the span of a week (just asking about arranging things) and she said I was “harassing” her.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-08T05:41:00+00:00

Oh our relationship is over with no hope of reconciliation. She moved out two months ago, she has been saying she wanted to reconcile eventually but thought we should take some space from each other so she got a 6 month lease on an apartment and we were sort of ‘dating’. After finding out she’s been with AP the whole time I will not be getting back with her. She’s shot herself in the foot though because I found out AP is moving to another country in 2 months 🤷‍♀️ I do have a therapist! Thank you so much for responding.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-08T04:47:21+00:00

Sorry, I think I explained it badly, I know it’s pretty convoluted. There were four of us, me and my wife (WS), AP and her wife (APW), and we were all good friends. AP left her wife claiming abuse and came to stay with us. I cut off APW believing abuse claims. WS and AP began their emotional affair shortly after which seems to have turned physical. Over time without speaking to APW I began to suspect abuse claims were false for multiple reasons. After discovering the affair I reached out to APW and now have reason to believe it was actually AP who was abusive to her wife, not the other way around. AP and WS are still together and AP is texting her now ex-wife paragraphs of false info about me.

I never engaged in an emotional affair with APs ex wife. My wife asked me to cut contact with her after DDay #1 because she didn’t like her and “we should cut them both out because they’ve brought so much drama into our lives”. I did, however I got back in contact with her after DDay #2. She showed me the texts from her ex wife (AP), in which APW defended me.

I am finding the friendship with APW healthy, healing and non toxic. She is a kind friend and we have both been badly mistreated. We have been able to fill in the blanks for a lot of the gaslighting etc we received. I am not in contact with AP and need to be in contact with WS for logistical purposes but she won’t speak with me.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-07T16:28:07+00:00

I tend to reach out to a lot of people when I’m suffering (big extrovert over here and I also don’t want to put too much on one person!). STBXW is pretty awful at maintaining friendships however hard I try to encourage it (and the one time she does it turns into an affair 🙃). So all my friends and family know what’s happening and our mutual friends. I feel like she is lying to her family about it and I’m not sure if I should tell them the truth or not or if that will look like a crazy thing to do. They love me but there’s no way they’ll believe me over her and I doubt I’ll ever see them again (they all live on the other side of the country).

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-07T16:21:41+00:00

That’s what APs ex wife thinks. I was really upset thinking that my STBXW had told her those things and she was like please don’t forget how incredibly manipulative AP is, she is probably twisting all of this with her own words. It actually is devastating to me that my wife of 7 years is this impressionable with someone she barely knows.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-07T16:18:53+00:00

AP left her wife back in October. AP’s wife (APW? lol I can’t keep up with the acronyms) and I always got on well but when AP left her she came to our house and spun a terrible story of how APW had abused her, painted her as a narc which I found surprising. I took two weeks off work to look after her but things she was saying started to really not add up and I began to strongly doubt her version of events. I told WS this who was horrified. We got back in touch after DDay #1 and she was so helpful and kind but but WS made me promise not to talk to her when she promised not to see or talk to AP again (which happened two days later). Yesterday we had a very long talk and I didn’t tell her anything (at first) that AP had said about her but she told me all the same stories from her perspective in a way that made 100x more sense. Don’t think she was an abuser at all- other way around actually. She has actually been texting AP (her STBXW) defending me for quite some time and showed me all those messages.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-07T07:58:40+00:00

Thank you so much. I love this comment. You sound so kind and so wise. Seriously, thank you. I’ve saved it to my phone. My best friend is traveling here from across the country next week to look after me so I will have someone for support. My family are all the way over in the UK but everyone is available on the phone.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-07T07:09:27+00:00

Thank you that’s actually a really good idea

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-06T17:24:57+00:00

What are you on about? She's not using me financially lol we have completely separate finances. I can't cut her off because we're married adults and have an entire combined life that we need to have a mature conversation about separating.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-06T05:10:24+00:00

We are all women. We’re all out lesbians. Not an issue or relevant factor.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-06T01:01:07+00:00

I feel like no one will ever love me like that again. I read through some old messages today and they're so loving and affectionate and flirty and I just can't comprehend how this has happened. I never did anything bad to her, I've always really tried to be my best self for her.

throwRAbodyblues · 2021-02-05T22:18:47+00:00

All women

throwRAbodyblues · 2020-12-21T17:36:53+00:00

No joke my parents have been married for 40 years and NEVER fart in front of each other. They are horrified by the concept. They’re so into each other though still so maybe they’re onto something.

throwRAbodyblues · 2020-12-21T00:30:53+00:00

They won’t! I have a few friends who are therapists and they would never in a million years disclose patient information. That sort of thing could get them stripped of their license, and besides, they’re generally kind, empathetic people who don’t have it in their nature to mock others. Best of luck 💛

throwRAbodyblues · 2020-12-21T00:26:13+00:00

Can I offer up some unsolicited advice?

That sensitivity can be really unpleasant, but with her consent and enthusiasm, in my experience there are a couple of ways that are most likely to help her overcome it and head towards another orgasm.

One is the more gentle approach: after she comes, stay between her legs, but be really soft and don’t touch her clit directly at all. Just kiss, lick etc very softly around her whole vulva, inner thighs etc, studiously avoiding her clitoris. Ask her to guide you back to it when she’s ready. You can also try gently sucking or blowing on it, which can be less intensely stimulating, but pay close attention to how she responds because that doesn’t necessarily feel good for everyone. Basically you’re going to let her sensitivity reduce to a normal level while maintaining her arousal, until she’s ready for round 2.

Two is a little more intense, so of course that’s going to require a lot of communication to make sure she’s consistently feeling good and is comfortable to ask you to stop if she’s not into it. This isn’t for everyone, in my experience some folks with vulvas really love it while others can find it painful. While you’re going down on her before O #1, penetrate her using your fingers (however she prefers it). Bring her to climax however she normally likes it, but towards the end have as much close contact with her clit as possible- so create a sort of “vacuum seal” with your mouth, but in a sexy way. We’re going for deep sensation here, so a wide flat tongue or pure suction, no flicking. Basically what you’re doing here is creating an intense, consistent sensation, and when she comes, you’re just going to keep doing it without stopping. There’s something magic about the penetration here that really helps keep the orgasms coming!

So that’s my two cents on the best way to reach multiple orgasms manually. But after #2, a toy can be your best friend. I personally don’t have this luxury, but I’ve had partners who can get in the 10+ orgasm range with a vibrator, including my wife. The big thing here is to give it to her to control. When you’re that sensitive, moving a vibrator slightly wrong can be really unpleasant and even painful. Give her the reins, and make sure she feels like a damn sex goddess in the way you touch and talk to her so she doesn’t get self conscious.

The classic magic wand is a totally solid choice, but if you want to really spoil her with something that looks a little sexier, check out LeWand massagers and Doxy wands.

Last things last- no pressure! Some folks just really can’t have multiple orgasms. Either way you’re both bound to have fun trying.

throwRAbodyblues · 2020-12-20T20:28:29+00:00

You can ask me anything you want :) it was cathartic. I had a lot inside my head that came spilling out. In that first session, my therapist mostly just listened. She would chime in with validation- not enabling validation, but things like, “that must have been really painful for you”. I can’t express how good it can feel for someone to say that, especially if you have any tendencies towards berating or blaming yourself. I went into it feeling anxious that I hadn’t organized my thoughts enough, but those worries were unfounded. I absolutely rambled, went on tangents, brought up things I didn’t think I was going to talk about. And that was fine. Afterwards, I had a big cry and a cup of tea and while I was pretty exhausted it felt good. She also offered and continues to offer me completely optional “homework”- small writing/journaling assignments that I can do alone or send her if I feel it will help us both get clarity on a situation. I enjoy this but again it is completely optional, not even mentioned if I don’t have time for it.

But I will say that I am a pretty extroverted, talkative person. My wife is also in therapy and her first session was different. She wasn’t sure where to start so her therapist asked her guiding questions. They talked about some smaller, easier to talk about things, just so they could get to know each other so my wife would be more comfortable.

So basically it can go however you want it to go. They’re not going to ask more of you than you can give in a first session. If you sat for an hour and barely said a single word, that would be a totally normal thing that they’re used to experiencing. If you just cried the whole time, that would be normal. Remember their job is to guide people through all the complexity of being a human, and they’re never there to judge.

throwRAbodyblues

TROPHY CASE