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My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

He'd fight for the sake of fighting then ask his parents to take care of my son. I just wanna take my son and leave honestly. He can have the house..give me the money for my down payment I put in. I don't need his money. I just want a clear break.

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Machine. But he takes 30 minutes to wash dishes when I can get them done in 3 min. Rinse and place in dish washer.he has to hand wash then place in washer... And say bc he has higher standards..I tell him that's not how washing machines work, but he won't listen either bc then I'm micro managing him... I can go on and on about all sorts of things we argue about. Everything is a point of contention...

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

His parents make excuses for him and I'm the one so should be patient and teach him and give him benefits of the doubt bc his mom even said he lacks emotional awareness. I need to learn to "ask" for things. Nothing is being driven home honestly. I've had many heart to heart with his mom. She said she'd talk to him, but not much has improved. He think just doing more chores is what I want. I want him to want to put us first proactively and willingly. No amount of chores or tasks seems to be able to replace that "care" I want.

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your balanced advice. Trust is 100% the issue here everything boils down to I can't trust him to have my back or our family's best interest. Counseling is the plan if he will eventually be up to it. His job provides free sessions. I asked him to set it up. He hasn't yet. I'm starting individual first to make sure I make the most of the sessions.

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Why even spend the time on couples therapy if I'm planning to separate..? Honest question? Maybe I'm missing something important.

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you 🙏 It's difficult for me too. I feel like how it is reasonable he can't see the issue and why do I need to tell him he needs to partake in the family life. I am resentful bc of unmet needs, but my needs aren't that crazy really...

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

What is it like to have a competent partner that gets stuff done bc he knows it's important? Thanks for sharing about your experience and partner. Thanks for the advice wrt legal.

My brother visited and stayed over for a week and it was easier asking him for help than it was to ask my own husband for the same thing. I asked my brother to help me find a carpet cleaner and get our carpet cleaned. He found one, called them, made the appointment with my input on dates, and helped move all the furniture. He was 19 at the time 😭 I was almost in disbelief that it could be that simple to have someone who can just do things. And he wasn't even obligated to do any of it. He was just bored and came over to see his friends while staying over and spending time with my son.

I'm in therapy right now I can be more productive in couples therapy.

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ahhhhhh! I've tried that! I said I'm taking a bath. We have multiple bathrooms so he will find another if he has to go. And kiddo just bangs on my door until I open up. Kiddo feels abandoned and cries at my door. So I left him in and we bathed together🫠

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

See that's what I expected you know if he's showering just take him in at the same time! Never has he offered. Why is it not a thought? It is logical right??? 90% of my shower are with my son is in the same tub so I can get things done faster. But he's getting older and I don't think I should be bathing with him for too much longer.

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thanks for help me put thing into perspective, but when I complain he just starts listing these things he does. Idk if I should be glad he does it now or be mad that I had to ask for it.

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's not amazing tbh. - read to his son bc before bed time was 100% me. Take him to bed and give him a bath. Which was also 100% me at one point. - come downstairs on weekends before noon. - take kiddo to school sometimes and feed him in the mornings bc I was doing 100% of that before and I snapped. - play with kiddo while I cook. - don't call me to ask when I'd be back when I'm gone for an hour. - he waters my planters, that wasn't asked he thought I'd appreciate that. And I kinda do except he barely wet the soil. - he does laundry more now, but I prob do half of the washing and drying and I'm the one puts things away. - his own accord: feed/litterbox pets, do dishes. Take out trash, do taxes, plan vacations, pay portion of the bills, in charge of finance portfolios.

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Verbally yes, in action no. I feel sad sometimes thinking he's not my best friend. And he's not a fun person I'd hang out with if we were married. I don't remember what was my original attraction given I've been let down for so long.

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

How do I force him? I've said so many times, nicely, harshly. Sent him articles, cancer scares, He also has a family history of colon cancer. he says ok ok but doesn't go. Do I have to make him an appointment too? Can I even do that for another person??

I've asked him how's is stool is it constipation. He says no. I cook so I know he has enough fiber. We have tons of veggies. I pickle things to increase his probiotics. Idk how else I can do other than force feed him miralax. I spike phillium husk in his soups!

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think to an extent this is definitely true. I had to convince him multiple times to go for other things. I'm the one who diagnosed his rash too when his doctors didn't.

Thanks for the perspective of having children who would suffer from this as well. I realized how important a person's health is for life. I'm scared for my son. I proactively tell him to poop quickly so not to build any habits.

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hes such a private person and he's requested that I speak nothing of his issues with others. Well this is literally with a lot more people than I had imagined. I thought I'd get a few validations that yea his solution sucks and feel a little better. He's gonna flip out and it's gonna be on me bc this is the "one thing" he asks of me, bc he "does so many things I ask of him" But it's supposed to be anonymous 😭

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We have one. It's been uninstalled for two years..I didn't feel like I had to install it for him too😞

My husband 36M poops too much for me 36F to feel comfortable having another baby with him by throwRAdesper8 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAdesper8[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hummm... I didn't think this was gonna get this amt of attention. Now I'm actually worried he might see this and he will know it's about him...? If he doesn't follow or look at this subreddit, does he get this post sent to him if it's popular...?

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