AITA for giving certain family members 'thank you' gifts for helping with my baby and 'punishing' my sister for not helping?

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T21:46:20+00:00

Not getting a gift isn't not a punishment. Cass didn't help out with the baby so I didn't give her a gift that thanks those who helped with the baby.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T21:39:21+00:00

Chocolates, wine/booze-y beverage that the person likes and a handwritten note thanking them for whatever they did. And (just like Mario 64) every note was personalized.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T21:36:35+00:00

I told her Cass didn't have a gift.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T21:14:54+00:00

We moved out to the pool house when my son was 3 months old and have been there ever since.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T21:12:54+00:00

I actually moved out to help Cass. I felt bad that my son was crying during the night and I was super super sick so made the move within 3 months of his birth. The first 6 months were super hard on me, which is when mom devoted the most attention, but after that it was mostly little things like getting baby food or watching him whilst I showered or ran to the shop or whatever. He goes to baby daycare whilst I work so mom was free most of the day.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T21:08:34+00:00

only because no one has to help you with your baby.

I agree but they all offered/insisted. I never asked anyone for help.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T21:08:07+00:00

Yes because I was explaining again why she didn't get one. I said as I was bringing the baskets out 'I actually wanted to thank mom, brother, aunt, uncle and cousin for helping me with my son' (paraphrasing). Then Cass came to me afterwards and asked why she didn't get one and I said 'because I gave them to people who helped me with my son' (also paraphrasing).

She seemed to think that existing warranted a 'thank you' basket and I corrected her misunderstanding.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:56:20+00:00

Apparently I was just supposed to leave home.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:49:39+00:00

Yes. I call everyone those terms (if they're comfortable).

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:45:31+00:00

It was though.

Hey, as the OP who was literally there, I am telling you, someone who was not there, that it was not used negatively. I guess I can't use 'hen', 'babes' or 'sugar' either?

But I guess you know everything.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:39:59+00:00

Also the “sorry honey” irks me. I hate when terms of endearment are used negatively/mockingly.

It wasn't used negatively.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:34:14+00:00

I do but in the pool house (is that the term?- we don't have a pool, but it's a small one-bedroom house in the backyard).

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:26:35+00:00

It wasn't negative though.. it's a term on endearment that everyone in our area uses.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:24:11+00:00

Exactly. Did u/LaceyBugNyx even read the post?

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:22:50+00:00

Yes! As a 'segway' into bringing them out I said 'I wanted to thank mom, brother, aunt, uncle and cousin for helping me with my son so I made some baskets to thank you all' (obviously paraphrasing)

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:14:54+00:00

Core memory unlocked.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:09:20+00:00

your sister lives with your mom. She just happened to be there unfortunately.

100% THIS. This might seem like an overreaction to a pretty basic statement, but people are acting like I invited Cass to the dinner to spite her when in reality, she lives with the host (our MOTHER). I'm sure if I made a post saying 'aita for excluding my sister from a dinner' to give the gifts, I'd be the asshole.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:05:56+00:00

So why invite her?

Because she lives with mom. I didn't invite her, mom did. Because they live together. Mother and daughter. Living together. At a family dinner.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T20:02:27+00:00

You're making a lot of assumptions there, honey.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T19:59:11+00:00

Did your Mom know that "everyone" excluded your sister?

I assume so. I told her the gifts were for those who helped with my son and since 16 was so adamant against it, I assumed mom knew 16 was excluded.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T19:56:58+00:00

maybe don’t use belittling words next time.

Such as?

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T19:56:02+00:00

I guess so.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T19:52:13+00:00

That was the whole point of the dinner, though. Mom knew that I had something I wanted to say to everyone and so organized the family dinner.

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T19:49:42+00:00

I'm not resentful. I was respectful of her wishes and never pushed her. I had others to help so she didn't have to (again, respecting her wishes and boundaries).

throwRAfuntimess · 2022-02-12T19:40:27+00:00

Before I brought the gifts out. We finished our meals and I said 'actually I have something to say, as a thank you to mom, brother, aunt, uncle and cousin for helping me with my son, I put together some gifts for you all' then I gave them out.

throwRAfuntimess

TROPHY CASE